I yearn for reincarnation, and karmic retribution to be a factual reality, when I hear such callous disregard for the existence of other lifeforms. :mad:
My cat wouldn’t move an inch if you ever put a collar on her, but that’s probably more due to the fact that, when she was a kitten, her collar got caught in a heating grate and my mom had difficulty freeing her. I was in elementary school at the time, and my mom said she was doing anything and everything to keep me from walking in on the sight.
It made me laugh… I’m a bad person.
When I get home and the cats run to greet me, er, I mean get food, I like to annoy them by saying, “What’s up, dawg?” They hate that.
Packing tape on the bottom of a cat’s foot.
<step> SHAKE PAW <step> SHAKE PAW <step> Nibble at tape <step> SHAKE PAW …
I never put it on firmly enough that it’ll hurt to remove. Just enough that it’s funny. 
I also put a hair clip my wife had lying around on one of our cat’s tails. She complained, then whipped around and around trying to catch her tail. I had to do some legwork to stop her and remove it myself. (It was a large clip without a strong grip, so it didn’t hurt, it just freaked her out that there was this plastic thing trying attached to her tail.)
Oh! We annoy our dogs by shoving our hands in their mouths. Just flatten the hand as if for a karate chop and shove it in sideways. They wave their heads around trying to get loose, and they refuse to bite us, of course. (Yeah, famous last words, I know . . .)
And the late great springer spaniel Miss Emily Kimberly HATED banjos. Mr. S couldn’t play one in her presence, or even pick one up, without her getting all wuffy and eventually breaking out into full-scale barking, while alternately backing off from it and moving in as if to attack. Eventually I even trained her to dislike a little electronic banjo toy we had (press a button and it plays a banjo riff), so that all you had to do was SHOW it to her and she’d get all pissed off.
I twonk my cat’s whiskers cuz they’re so sproingy they go TWONK. And I get in her lil face and go kittykittykittykitty. And I let her bite my finger and say “You BITE!! Why you bite?! Be nice kitty!” And I play paw paw with her. That’s when I grab and handle her paws until she starts batting at me. She doesn’t scratch. Much.
Everyone I’ve ever told about the tube socks runs home to try it. Lemme know how it goes. 
A friend of mine told me that if cats go somewhere too small to feel comfortable turning around in (and I assume this is judged by whisker perception), they will back out instead. Makes sense, right? He informed me that he put a sock over his cat’s head, who then proceeded to circle the room ass first and bump into things.
[hi-jack]I’m a vegetarian and am soft-hearted about animals, but I’ve been sorely tempted to kill the rabbits in my yard because they’re threatening my garden. Yeah, blah blah, humans encroaching on animals’ territory, whatever. My veggies. Plus the little bastards don’t even have the decency to look worried at our approach. I’ve been yelling “hasenpfeffer!” but that doesn’t seem to make a difference. They probably know I’d be traumatized for life after hearing one of them do their in-pain ‘scream’ (like a small child in agony) and thus I wouldn’t dare try to harm one of them.
I am tempted to bribe my next-door neighbor with a terrier to let the dog take down more rabbits, though - after I’m safely indoors, that is.[/bye-jack]
There’s the fun game of brushing a fingertip against the fur between the toes of a sleeping dog/cat/ferret; they feel the tickling and twitch their paw, sometimes waking up to nibble at it.
When I was a kid, I hooked a windsock to the collar of our cat. :eek: Yeah, not a good move. Instant panicked running everywhere in the house, with me unable to catch her until she’d nearly exhausted herself.
Peanut butter as a dog “treat”. It gets stuck in the roof of their mouth and they’re sitting there doing that lick, lick, lick move for what seems like forever.
I irritate my ferrets via their occasional bath. They get back at me by clawing the hell out of my hand in their desperate attempts to get out of the warm inch or so of water in the bathtub. My hand looks like I’ve lost a fight with a young kitten.
Kitty K can back this up (har!). The day we brought her home from her operation with the clown collar on, she immediately started wobbling around backwards. We took the collar off immediately.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but here goes. Back in the late 60s, bats still flew in Santa Clara Valley. They were smart enough to hunt insects that were drawn by the street lights. They weren’t smart enough to tell the difference between an insect and little pieces of gravel that we would toss up, though. You could hear the sound of their little teeth trying to bite into rock.
The squirrel was laughing at your dog in that silly outfit. 
My daughter used to put scrunchies on the dog’s ears, so the ears would stick out a little, like ponytails (they weren’t tight at all). She’d sit there and slowly shake her head from side to side, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong.
Other times the kids would put a t-shirt on the dog, and she’d run around, freaking out. She hated it.
I’ve also done the Twitchy Toes things to my cats. Either that or gently stroking the fine hairs in their ears.
I tried to get a harness and lease on one of my cats once. ONCE. He went completely limp, flopped over on the floor and refused to move until I took it off.
Would it be horrible if I did this? You know…being that I’m not a kid?
::laughs manically::
I ghost pet my cat. I pretend like I’m going to pet him, make the movements along his back and scratch his ears, but I do it about an inch above him. He gives a half purr, then realizes he can’t feel anything and has to take a look where my hand is. Over and over, he keeps expecting me to make contact.
It’s minor, but Little Girlie cat has developed an annoying habit of screaming for her treat food but she doesn’t like being picked up and cuddled so daddy (me) has decided every time you cry you must want to be picked up and cuddled. Daddy will cuddle you before you get any treats.
I used to put dog booties on Spot the Wonderpup. On a hardwood floor. Zero traction. He would walk around looking exactly like he would if he were wearing swim fins. Hilarious.
I had to pick up a porcupine the other day. Porcupines tend to be nocturnal, so it is safe to say that she was annoyed from the get-go. This is an onomatopoeaic rendition of the sound an annoyed porcupine makes: “Gyuuuh! Gyuuuh!” It means, “What are you, stupid? I’m a porcupine! Leave me the hell alone!”
I should add that, after you have been quilled by a porcupine, every single human being who sees the quills embedded in your flesh will ask you the exact same question:
“Does it hurt?”
OF COURSE IT HURTS! I HAVE PORCUPINE QUILLS STUCK IN MY FLESH!
I am new to the country living, so an applicant was having me follow him to his house. He in his truck, me in my little Chevy Malibu, whenever we would pass a heard of cows, he would shift into neutral and gun his engine to make the cows stampede. Coolest thing I ever saw when it worked.
SSG Schwartz
Whenever I prepare chicken for dinner, I attract a bunch of feline chicken-beggars who make big, moony eyes at me trying to convince me to feed them. Every now and then one of 'em becomes bold enough to dash across the kitchen counter and grab a piece of chicken. The worst offender has been the otherwise adorable Cyndi Yawper, a sweet but mischievous tortie. Once when I was cutting up chicken, onions, and jalapeño peppers, Cyndi kept sneaking over and trying to steal some chicken. Exasperated, I gave her a slice of jalapeño instead. By the time Cyndi realized I’d played a mean trick on her, the jalapeño was already halfway down her gullet, and the heat was on. The expression on Cyndi’s face was both hilarious and guilt-inspiring.
My brother and I used to get a lot of entertainment out of tying a sock to Brandy’s collar. Our other dog, excitable little Kara, would grab the sock with her teeth and spend the next few minutes dragging him around by his neck. He’d just take it, because he loves her that much.
One characteristic habit of Kara’s is to wait for a human when she wants to go upstairs. If there is no human around, she will come and find one. She seems to be incapable of going all by herself, even if there are people upstairs already. If a human starts going up the stairs of their own accord, she will immediately materialise and dash up ahead of them. I took advantage of this insecurity when a friend was over once… I went up a couple of steps and then stopped while Kara ran all the way up. When she got to the top and realised I hadn’t followed, she gave me a confused look and came back down again. Rinse & repeat… many, many times. It just didn’t click that I was messing with her. She did get plenty of exercise that day though! It was very cute.
When one of them brings me a toy to play with I will often hold it behind their head so it’s just out of reach. It amuses me watching them throw their heads back trying to get at what I’m holding.
Kara is one of those who hates it when you blow on her face. Do that to her and her face will adopt a crazed expression, she will give your face one vicious lick in irritation and then she will utter an extraordinarily high pitched yip. She only goes that high when she’s frustrated. Brandy will just sniff your breath in case there’s something yummy on it (he’s a pig).
And speaking of Pig-Dog, we got them one of those balls you can fill up with dog food. That thing annoys the hell out of him because he doesn’t appear to understand that scratching at the carpet around the ball and knocking it into places he can’t get it out of will not achieve anything.