It’s so hot that the snails cooked themselves into escargot, right in their shells.
Sorry - that’s damn snails.
It’s so hot the zucchini comes fried, right off the plant.
It’s so hot that I’m actually losing weight
It’s so hot that I hope the Israelis start an atomic war, so I can enjoy the hazy, deathly chilled embrace of Nuclear Autumn.
What, too soon?
It’s so hot, I leave a slime trail.
Ew.
It’s so hot that my college feels the need to BLAST THE FUCKING AC like they’re trying to shoot rockets through the vents and you’re lucky to not be fucking cryogenic by the time you walk from one end of any building on campus to the other.
Seriously though, like The Sausage Creature I dig the heat but hate the humidity. The suburb I travel to for my classes has both in full supply right now.
It’s so hot the hydrants are chasing the dogs.
It’s so hot that people are running into burning buildings to get cool.
How hot is it? It’s July, in Houston.
We’re all turning into a puddle of jalapeno-flavored sweat…
… MOM!? 
It’s so hot that they don’t have to heat the tar to redo the roof.
It’s also so hot that they can’t redo the roof.
How hot is it?
It’s so hot that **Snakes are Eating Electric Blankets! **
Damn, that’s wrong, Just Wrong.
-Guess I’ll slink off and wait for January’s thread. 
It’s hot enough to melt the balls off a brass monkey.
It’s so hot a camel just stole my sun-block
It’s so hot that snakes are crawling onto planes just for the air conditioning.
It’s so hot that people are spilling McDonald’s coffee on their lap just to get some relief.
It’s so hot people were praying for viiolent thunderstorms to cool it off.
Hotter than Michael Jackson at an elementary school playground ?
Yeah, so?
It’s hotter than the hubs of hell (and that’s the hottest part)!
It’s hotter than a whorehouse on dollar day.