From what I’ve seen, I’m apparently an insanely private person about important things.
Frex, last year I got dinged by my best friend when I mentioned I’d been seeing someone for two years already and only brought it up when explaining why she wouldn’t be seeing me at an event.
She got rather upset with me, let us say. I was bemused because I didn’t say “this is my boyfriend”, I said “I’ve been seeing him, we met a couple years ago,” or something along those lines. I *thought * the implication of ‘not serious’ came through but it took some time to sort out.
So how long did it take before you spilled the beans about a (new) relationship to your family/friends/coworkers?
It depends, but usually once I know the relationship is established I’ll talk about it. I usually don’t bring it up as a major announcement, though. I’ll mention it in passing.
Last night I did tell me sister about the woman I proposed to on Sunday, though.
I didn’t tell my parents about my SO for about a year. We met online and were long-distance and I guess I didn’t want to say anything until I was pretty sure it was going to last a while (though I probably would have done the same thing using the same rationalization had we met in a more traditional way).
It actually was the first time I ever said, “Mom, Dad, I’m dating someone.” I’ve had relationships before, but I’ve always kept them to myself. I seldom have the urge to just tell people private things.
The only person I was compelled to tell about my SO was my ex-roommate, and as he lived with me, he knew from the start something was going on.
For cultural reasons, I wasn’t supposed to date anyone, so I didn’t tell my parents or brother for 3 years. That’s when my mother found some romantic letters from my boyfriend while looking through my stuff, so we were busted, but all worked out well in the end. That same boyfriend has been my husband for more than 10 years now.
On the other hand, I let my friends in on my relationship within 2 weeks, IIRC.
Barring special circumstances such as a repressive cultural/racial/familiar situation, I don’t understand people who keep relationships so secretive . Once the relationship is secure, I tell people. It seems natural to me.
I tell my friends about every date, basically. But I make sure he agrees that we’re “boyfriend/girlfriend” and dating exclusively before I start announcing that.
Speaking for myself, I don’t think most of my friends or family have need-to-know status for the goings-on of my personal life. Just as it seems natural to fill your friends in on the stuff in your life, it’s natural to me to keep things to myself until I feel I want to share.
There’s very little about me that I would conceal at all costs, but I don’t offer information freely, either. If people asked me about stuff, I would probably tell them. If it’s pertinent to something we’re discussing, I’ll volunteer it. But I can’t conceive of calling any friends or family just to announce, “Hey, I’ve got a boyfriend.” I would feel like I was seeking congratulations, and I don’t need that. I know they would be happy for me, but I’d only be telling them out of some vague sense that that’s what I’m supposed to do with friends and family, and that’s not a good enough reason.
Totally agreed. I don’t make special calls to people to announce whatever new relationship I’m in, but if I’m talking to someone about what’s going on in my life, I’ll make passing mention of someone awesome who is in my life.
I don’t say anything to my family until I know for sure it is serious. I tell my friends immediately because we have to do that girly, “What are you going to wear? Where is he taking you? Are you bringing ribbed or studded condoms?” (Okay, maybe not that last bit )
I had started dating a much older man, and on the day I was planning to tell my mom, she went off on a rant about a couple she knew who also had a large age difference and how disgusting and awful it was. So I didn’t tell her for a while.
Then I married him. It took me a couple of weeks to get around to letting her know.
I have a friend who took the same approach as the OP. He told me one day about his SO in the context of “oh, there’s this girl I’m seeing”, which to me tends to imply a relationship that is still in the fledgeling stages. So I was a little taken aback when I asked how they’d met and it came out that they had been dating for nearly 2 yrs.
He’s always been a little commitment-phobic and tends to keep personal stuff to himself, though, so I should’ve known better.
In the case of my relationship, I let most of my friends know within a few days, and told my family a month in. I’m usually pretty open about this stuff, and I knew very early on that this wasn’t just going to be a short fling.
I don’t think of who I’m seeing as private or vulnerable. I’m as likely to talk about it even before it happens as after: “I’m getting coffee with a person named X tomorrow.” If this goes well, I might say, “Coffee with X went well. We’re going to a movie next week.” It’s just not a big deal to me, and the idea that anybody wouldn’t talk about it as much as they talk about anything else in a “what’s up with you?” kind of conversation is pretty bemusing to me.
)