bizump
There is no amount of time that is unreasonable to wait for sex. I don’t consider myself entitled to it (or, for that matter, any of my partners entitled to it from me). I’m poly, not mono, so if it isn’t happening in one relationship that doesn’t foreclose the possibility of it happening with someone else — and as a consequence of that I don’t need to treat relatonships that don’t veer off in an erotic direction right away as somehow less than those that do. The most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever been a part of was one where I (mistakenly, as it turned out) thought sex with me was not an option for her. That was also true of a somewhat stormier relationship back in the 1990s that I would not have willingly missed out on even if it didn’t end well i the long run.
It is very liberating to not have to know where a relationship is going and instead just let it go where it will, at its own pace.
What a weird way to think about a relationship.
Some relationships are sexual, some are not. Just because you habitually hangout with someone doesn’t mean sex is going to happen and you are just hanging around until it does.
If you are interested in a physical relationship with someone you hang out with then you talk to the other person and see if they are interested as well. If they are then you have sex. If they are not, you don’t.
This shouldn’t change if you are boy friend/girl friend, engaged to be married or just friends. That way you find out if there is mutual interest right away instead of standing around for months waiting for spontaneous sex to break out.
Does this work? It is my understanding than if a male simply asks a female is she wants to have sex with him, the answer is usually no. That the successful approach is escalating physical contact–start with a light touch… If she doesn’t pull away go a bit further…
I’ve read that *asking *verbally for sex, or the *talk *mentioned above, is likely to *kill *sexual desire immediately.
I think that is colloquially known as date rape.
There is a difference between talking openly about the physical side of a relationship and begging for sex.
If you can’t talk about sex without it being a turn off then you don’t need to have it.
It depends. If she freezes and you keep going, yeah, that’s not cool. But if she reciprocates, or cuddles into you while making happy noises, that’s just foreplay. Not all communication is verbal.
Sure, but the first indication that you are interested in a relationship should never be touching. That’s inappropriate and crosses boundaries. PastTense was questioning the wisdom of --god forbid – actually talking about having a physical relationship and suggested that it’s best to initial physical contact and continue until she’s not comfortable. That’s not cool.
ETA: If you want to have a physical relationship with someone, why can’t that be said and acknowledged? It doesn’t have to be a somber negotiation.
THIS. 100% THIS. I didn’t have the benefit of red pill/dating websites in my 20s, so I was guilty of this. Now, I make my intention clear and I go for it. After 2 rejections (read: 3-4 dates), I am gone. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, as they say.
Additionally, if you can’t discuss what might happen if the result of intercourse is an unplanned pregnancy, you’re not ready for intercourse w/ that person.
Crazy idea, right? Talking about what should be done in an urgent situation BEFORE the situation happens and then maybe agreeing on a potential solution? :rolleyes:
Yes, it will likely kill everyone’s hormones for that moment, but those fires can be relit easily and it’s also a great time to guage if someone is genuinely interested in having sex or if they’re playing games to see how long they can drag out hanging out w/ you but not having sex. Why waste time pressing a person for something they don’t want to share w/ you? Embarrassing really, wheedling an ‘Are you sure?’ after being told No once.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Eh, I know a few guys who told me the way they gauge whether a woman is interested in them is whether she touches them. I don’t think a light touch to an arm or shoulder is a bad initial communication.
I do agree that you should talk about things like birth control and what sort of relationship you are interested in (romantic? one night stand?) before you travel too far down that path.
Are those the same guys who say they can never tell when a woman is interested in them? Because I have literally never seen or done that as first induction of interest. First comes eye contact, smiling, hair tossing/fiddling, teasing, joking, laughing at his jokes, awkward silences, and following him to the kitchen when he gets a beer. All of which seems embarrassingly brazen and obvious to me, but is apparently lost on many of my would be conquests…
Or whether they were thinking about maybe sex but had given no thought whatsoever to any consequences.
Or of they were under the impression they’re entitled to sex in exchange for their time/resources.
Next time, just follow him into the kitchen and when he bends over into the fridge, just reach in between his legs and up and squee … 
I guarantee he’ll get the message. Unless he’s dead.
In many social situations - and especially this one (women flirting with men) - whatever a woman considers “obvious” will really only be considered only 1/2 or 1/4 as obvious from the perspective of the man.
Women often need to really, really, make it clear to a man that they are interested in him.
Yes, precisely. And yes, they wouldn’t be very sensitive to those signals.
There was one time I thought a woman was interested in me. And I was right. Didn’t make up half dozen I didn’t notice or the couple of dozen I thought were interested in me but weren’t. 