Well, if you’re straight.
- Male - married (if that matters)
- The fastest was a second date but with my wife, we never went past the handjob/BJ phase until we were exclusive and dating for five months, and she was a virgin when we got married
- Obviously it doesn’t apply now, but when it did, it depends - if it’s just sex, I would have been game for the first date assuming I met the person in the right circumstances (i.e. I was horny, she was beautiful, and there wasn’t some questionable issue leading to possible STDs down the road)
- 41
- Circumstances of how you meet plays a big part. Ironically, the more wild the environment (i.e. nightclub vs. a bookstore) the longer I would be inclined to wait. In general, I have a bit of a self esteem problem, so if she would sleep with me, I’d wonder how many other guys she slept with, and would generally have a problem with women who had more than about a dozen partners in their lives. Then again, if I meet the person through a friend, which by my own rules means I can sleep with her right away, I might also wait a bit longer because I wouldn’t want it to not work out and have to see that person again under awkward circumstances at a party, etc.
- Female
- Depends. Definately within the first month. The first month is kind of my “audition” period, really, it’s when I decide whether the relationship has long-term potential. If I don’t see a future with someone, I break it off in the first month, before anyone gets too attached. Sex is definately a factor to take into consideration.
- I don’t need any kind of commitment.
- I’m 32
- Other factors: both parties need to be comfortable having a very frank and open STD/protection talk. I have an STD and take my responsibility to disclose very seriously. If we can’t sit down and have that kind of conversation openly, we aint bumping uglies.
25 year old female and I’m not interested in having sex with friends, but if we’re actually dating I’ll have sex on the first date if it’s going well enough. I was very hung up on the idea of waiting for an indeterminate period of time when I was younger, but after I actually started having sex (17) it really wasn’t a big deal anymore. If I had anything serious to disclose (STD, sex-change, etc) I’d probably wait long enough to be comfortable talking about it first.
We waited in my current relationship, but that was his decision. I think we waited a month or so before he was comfortable going forward. I’ve found that the intimacy definitely makes sex more satisfying, although my first-date experiences were generally bad anyway, like the guy who was watching a really bad movie over my shoulder during the act. He was a winner.
No, no I didn’t. I said that I’ve been in open relationships. Read the sentence right before it.
The monogamy issue aside . . . Are you implying that anyone who enjoys giving blowjobs and doesn’t enjoy receiving them has low self-esteem?
Until I wanted to, or (on several occasions, most notably with Husband back in the day) until we both were single.
Whichever comes last.
No, I’m asserting that anyone who enters into a relationship knowing that things are expected of them that won’t be reciprocated probably has some self-esteem issues.
I’d like to stick a dick into my girlfriend, but I’d appreciate if she didn’t stick a dick in me. I guess that means anyone I date has self-esteem issues, huh?
Different people have different things that are important to them. Believe it or not, as I’ve said in other threads, some of the girls I’ve dated have said that they dislike having men go down on them. Another was disappointed but was OK as long as I used my hands. The others didn’t care one way or the other. Sure, they might have been lying, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with with my not liking performing oral sex.
Using your hands *is reciprocating, if she doesn’t care for oral. And no, there’s nothing wrong with not liking to perform oral, it’s your sex life, do what you want.
Y’all are a little too focused on the particular act, when I’m speaking more generally.
Although I frankly find it a little juvenile, and yes, before anyone asks, I’d say the same to a woman.
Missed the edit window…
Using your hands is, of course, less reciprocal when what she really wants is oral, and both her willingness to be disappointed and your willingness to disappoint her do not, to me, indicate a healthy relationship.
IMO, anyone who is willing to accept “Yes, I know you really want this totally reasonable thing, but I’m just not going to do it for you.” has some self-esteem issues. Doesn’t matter whether it’s oral sex or taking out the trash. Why would I keep someone around who just plain doesn’t care what I want?
If everything else is good, and there’s just that one thing they won’t do, but they’re willing to do what they can, I’d stay for a while at least. For instance, I think a guy wanting to come in his partner’s mouth is a reasonable request and my boyfriend would be thrilled if I let him, but I won’t. My gag reflex is such that there’s a very good chance things would end poorly. Somehow he’s still happy with what I WILL do for him, and I do other things for him that gross me right the fuck out.