How Many _____ Does It Take...?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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  1. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

  2. How many LAPD officers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to shoot the light bulb and the other to swear that the light bulb shot first.

  3. How many Texas Aggies does it take to change a light bulb? 100. One to hold the bulb and 99 to rotate the house.

  4. How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the light bulb and another to kill him and take credit for the job.

  5. How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Fill out form 99/34rfth-mm8 in Triplicate and we’ll get back to you by the 29th of next month.

  6. How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb? Until I see the light bulb for myself, I refuse to believe there even IS a light bulb.

  7. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Brown.

  8. How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Jesus is my light.

Any more?

>< DARWIN >
__L___L

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Damn it! This should be in MPSIMS.

>< DARWIN >
__L___L

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How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes ten years.

How many art students does it take to change a light bulb? One but they want 4 credits.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.

Oh, I’m gonna keep using these #%@&* codes 'til I get 'em right.

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How many electric bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the piano player can do it with his left hand.

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to tell him how much better they would have done it.

How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he’ll do it too loudly.

How many French horn does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking for alignment and leaks.

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have a machine to do that.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They can’t get that high.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the guitarist has to show him first.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
“Don’t worry about the changes. We’ll fake it!”

Mr. K’s Link of the Month:

The Enchanted World of Rankin-Bass

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I have closed this thread and moved it to MPSIMS.