# How Many _____ Does It Take...?

1. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

2. How many LAPD officers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to shoot the light bulb and the other to swear that the light bulb shot first.

3. How many Texas Aggies does it take to change a light bulb? 100. One to hold the bulb and 99 to rotate the house.

4. How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the light bulb and another to kill him and take credit for the job.

5. How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Fill out form 99/34rfth-mm8 in Triplicate and we’ll get back to you by the 29th of next month.

6. How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb? Until I see the light bulb for myself, I refuse to believe there even IS a light bulb.

7. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Brown.

8. How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Jesus is my light.

Any more?

>< DARWIN >
__L___L

Damn it! This should be in MPSIMS.

>< DARWIN >
__L___L

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes ten years.

How many art students does it take to change a light bulb? One but they want 4 credits.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.

Oh, I’m gonna keep using these #%@&* codes 'til I get 'em right.

How many electric bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the piano player can do it with his left hand.

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to tell him how much better they would have done it.

How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he’ll do it too loudly.

How many French horn does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking for alignment and leaks.

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have a machine to do that.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They can’t get that high.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the guitarist has to show him first.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
“Don’t worry about the changes. We’ll fake it!”

Mr. K’s Link of the Month:

The Enchanted World of Rankin-Bass

I have closed this thread and moved it to MPSIMS.