So I find myself in the unprecedented position of having as many as four dates with four different men in the next week and I don’t know how to go about handling it. I’ve never dated more than one person at a time before and never for that many “dates” before it moved into relationship country.
Oh, and just to make it more fun, two of them are named “Bob.”
Are you/were you a multi-dater? What are the goods and the bads? Did you find yourself getting confused about things, like what anecdotes you’d told to whom? Should I look into implementing some sort of notecard system?
Now, these are all first dates through online personals so the likelihood of this being a continuing situation is pretty low, but still, just in case, let’s hear some stories and advice on handling multiple dating relationships.
Mostly it was lots of fun, occasionally it was icky. I never had trouble mixing them up, but I never had two with the same name.
A few developed into ongoing relationships, most were just a few dates, I married the last one!
The most important thing, for me, was being very upfront with all of them, even when it turned into more dating than just occasionally going out, that it was a non-exclusive relationship. If and when I wanted to change that, I’d let them know.
When I met the man I eventually married, I did want to date him exclusively. I was dating one other man at the time, and I broke off that relationship immediately.
Paying attention to what I was feeling, and not getting hung up on what I was supposed to be feeling was important. Hope that helps.
My highest was three - and that was only for a week or two.
I dated two women simulaneously for about six months. Each knew about the other - although not in detail. I didn’t think it “cheating” since I wasn’t sneaking around.
I was post-divorce, not ready for a committed relationship. We all had a “just friends” agreement. This agreement proved to be more words than actuality when we eventually broke up. Despite the “just friends” agreement - one psyched out pretty badly, going as far as to record a death threat on my answering machine.
Not good. I broke up with the two above when the aforementioned third appeared. She’s now mw wife.
Only 2. But they were both very serious. And they knew about each other. One time, when I was out with gf A, the subject of gf B came up and she (gf A) said, “You’re gonna marry her (gf B), aren’t you?” And she was cool about it.
Man, the possibilties that never happened…
ftr, I was in my 20s, and I ended up with a totally different girl within a year.
I don’t reccommend being in more than one serious relationship at a time, but just dating is a different thing. If you want to go out with a diff person each night of the week, go for it.
I am sick to death of the modern idea of having “relationships.” If one more friend starts talking about a “relationship” after a second or third date, I will hit that friend in the forehead with a hammer.
There is NOTHING wrong with dating more than one person. That’s what dating should be. You learn more about yourself, more about other people, and are less likely to have regretable sex.
Perhaps this analogy will help - in college, you take many classes in many different subject. That’s dating. Then, you get a job and spend most of your time on one subject. That’s a relationship.
Sounds like fun. I’ve had lots going on at once before (6?), and it can be fun, although it can also be tiring. I never had any trouble remembering who was who. I did use pro/con lists to sort them out and figure out who was worth my continuing time or not…and, of course, I agree, be upfront to each about the fact that he may not be the only person you’re dating. No need to talk numbers with any of them.
if not, then i don’t really see any problem with multiple dating partners, so long as no exclusivity is implied. if yes…that’s a whole other can of worms, i think.
Personally, one and only one. If I feel like a second date it’s going to be worth it to pay attention to her exclusively. If I don’t, then we weren’t dating, were we?
Then again, I don’t understand the whole non-committed thing.
Stonebow got it, define “dating” first. Screwing 3 different guys every week would probably fall into the bad plan category, but just hanging out and light dating, I don’t see too many people having issues with it as long as you are honest with those you are seeing.
I used to enjoy dating on average 3 men at a time - but the moment I met one that was worth more than a once a week date - I’d dump them all & date exclusively.
Dating may involve screwing. That’s yet to be determined. One I think will definitely involve screwing, another there’s a good possibility and the other two strike me as the “let’s get to know each other first” types. If all it was was four tricks in a week, hell, that’s not a problem. That I’ve done before. Dating at the moment is consisting of meeting at a bookstore/cafe for a beverage and then perusing the shelves (for two of them), meeting at a pub for drinks (for one) and an activity to be named later with the fourth.
It honestly never occured to me that it would be a good thing to tell the others that I was dating more than one person. I guess I just sort of assumed that absent some more formally acknowledged level of commitment (“going steady”? Do the kids these days still say “going steady”?) it was assumed that each person could and did date other people.
I think I need to hear from some gay boys on this one. Where’s the gay boys at?
IMHO, Dating more than one is okay, but not if you’re having sex with them too…
I don’t do online personals, but if you haven’t met them yet, how can you consider that ‘dating?’ Seems more like you are just making their aquaintance.
Yeah, that’s one of those things I’ve always wondered: what’s the current consensus on multiple dating with regards to sex? Girls, guys, straight, gay, whaddya think?
Most of my life I had enough trouble getting one person at a time to date, so the ethical question almost never came up.
But, for a too-brief couple of months, I found myself dating three women simultaneously. I didn’t see a problem with it. And I never let them find out about each other.
I agree, four tricks in a week, no problem. Even four first or second dates a week, no problem. Sounds fun.
But, as you stated in the OP, in your experience, you went to relationship country after only a few dates. Some of these guys may want to do that too. And having one guy, let alone four guys trying to tie you down, is not going to be fun.
A lot of people want, or think they deserve some sort of blood oath, or commitment ceremony after the third date. That’s not love, it’s lust, or obsession, or something sort of twisted.
Go out with as many guys as you want. Have as many tricks as you want. Don’t worry about anything. Have a good time.
