How many of your relationships started by hooking up?

Zero. I subscribe to the ideology of the great philosopher Cher Horowitz who said “You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.”

I find I am in the minority of people I know and I certainly don’t judge anyone for feeling otherwise. I’ve just never been one to jump into sex.

Hm, math…

…one third

I think people are working from different definitions here.

In my age group (mid-30s), “dating” per se was pretty much unheard of in high school or college: groups of friends would hang out in mixed-sex groups. Within a social circle, those groups would ebb and flow, with different combinations of people hanging out together. If two people encountered each other and were attracted to each other, they would likely start showing up at the same things more and more often. They might start talking on the phone one-on-one. Today, they would be texting/facebooking a lot. Then, at some gathering where everyone was drinking, they would wander off together and hook up (this might or might no include coitus). After that, they would be officially “going out”, which means that they would be a recognized couple and get to always ride shotgun in the other person’s car. Also, no one else was supposed to hook up with either of them, and if they did, Drama Ensued. Socially, they would continue to go to the same social gatherings together, but they might start spending more time one-on-one together than they used to, mostly to facilitate more sex. At social gatherings, they would now openly prefer to sit next to each other on the couch, instead of having an elaborate conspiracy among everyone to make that just happen.

In this scenario, there was never a period where they were a socially recognized couple but had not been intimate to some degree. However, there is a good chance that everyone had known for weeks or months that it was heading that way. And there were never formal dates, before or after, because everyone always hung out in these loose social groups where we sat around people’s apartments and drank, watched TV, played games, and chatted chatted chatted.

So, to the OP: is that a relationship that start with a hookup? It’s a far cry from the “shit faced at a a bar, woke up hung over, there she was in my bed. Married now 25 years” type thing, but it’s also not a sit-com style date.

All except my current relationship, which started on an online dating site.

I’m an old fart. Years ago when I became an unattached man again, women at work started trying to arrange blind dates for me with their suitable friends. I used to joke that I would happily go out with anyone at all, to just about anything at all, but that I only dated women I was having sex with. It didn’t take them long to work out that I meant it.

I think the only LTR I can really claim at this point is my current marriage. (High school doesn’t count, right?) Anyway, the now-hubby and I belonged to one of those groups of college friends that MandaJO refers to. Our relationship became physical within a month of meeting, and we first went on a “date” several weeks later. This all took place in the early 90s.

40 here. Hooked up with people and dated people but never started dating someone by hooking up with them.

Actually, I was thinking from reading more posts that you should be here and not me. The OP’s phrasing (hook-up) seems to apply to more recent dating patterns/styles - people who go on group dates or meet and interact thru social media well before meeting in person - rather than old-school ones like mine, where I run into someone in person and ask them out to get to know them better. From what I’m seeing in this thread, more people seem to do the “get to know you” stuff online, which normally takes one or two in-person dates for me.

Then how is it possible that you sleep with butterflies? Don’t most species only live 1 day or 2, 4 tops?

And how does your mating butterfly know you’re the right one? Does it get the feeling of humans in its gut?

Never had it happen to me. All of my long-term (and even medium-term) relationships started out as friendships, and gradually grew into romances. I guess I lend credence to bump’s theory about a divide at about age 45…I’m 48. :slight_smile:

We’re more similar than not; I’ve never met anyone online and wouldn’t/couldn’t go out with someone I hadn’t been speaking to in person for some time. I use email as a convenient way to send news, music, book, and movie recommendations back and forth with someone I’m interested in; email is interchangable with phone conversations. Or rather preferable because I resent being tied to the phone. By the time I’m sitting across a table from someone for the first time, I already know the basics about his religious convictions, political leanings, hobbies, and cultural experience. Like you, I rely primarily on in-person interaction because I can’t read anyone without body language, facial expressions, tone, inflection, etc. I’d flunk a dating site.

I like how OurLordPeace phrased it:

…but I wouldn’t limit it to deeply held convictions. For me that’s a great one size fits all statement. One night stands are great for other people; but I have zero desire to give physical pleasure to someone I don’t sincerely like if not love.

My prejudice is that I would never consider going out with someone who just waltzed up and decided I was datable based on a superficial assessment of my face and what little he could discern about my figure under my clothes. I’ve been cornered too many times by guys certain we’ll hit it off based on nothing other than their superficial attraction to me, and most of the time I’ve zoned out and mentally chewed my arm off to escape the stranger bent on impressing me but who I have nothing in common with. Frankly, I don’t know how you guys do that, where you get the nerve to presume that someone you think is pretty has any interest in your hobbies and whatnot. It’s an impressive feat of bravado and I sincerely applaud your nerve. I never know what to say to let someone down easy, but the bald truth is I’m not going anywhere with someone I haven’t already shared some banter, rapport, and chemistry with.

What is it about this in the OP:

that leads you to believe that the OP is talking about hooks-ups in any other context than starting a relationship with causal sex with someone you just met. That’s true old school, meeting and humping within hours of ever knowing the other one existed. Been doing it that way since 1978 and I’m pretty sure my parents and there parents parents on back into time did it that way too.

None of them. While I have nothing against having sex quickly or casual sex, I’m personally very sexually restricted and don’t desire to kiss or touch someone until I get to know them. And I almost never feel attracted enough to pursue anything with anyone unless I’ve had ample time to observe them. I’m 27 and I really don’t think I’m ever going to meet anyone in a bar and start making out. Getting drunk doesn’t change this for me either; I’ve had plenty of opportunities.

None of mine. I’m 50+, and premarital sex did not come to the U.S. until long after my dating habits had been formed.

For people who did have relationships in college, this is often how it happened. However, I didn’t have any relationships in college. I didn’t meet a woman who liked me “that way” until several years after I graduated. And once I was out of school, the whole dating situation was different. I was hardly ever in a mixed-sex group of friends hanging out anymore.

Well, basically I’m saying any overt physical contact is going to count as a “hook-up” but within a certain timeframe or situation. For example, how often do you kiss on the first encounter? If not, how soon after does that happen?

I don’t think anyone is going to engage in any physical contact without a “getting to know you” phase. Still, people are pretty open these days. It’s suprising how things have changed in such a short time. I would say overall it’s a good thing but precautions should still be taken. We don’t need anymore unwanted pregnancies or a spread of a disease.

If you can make sure your safe, sex itself should be pretty harmless. Coupled with the fact that it’s one of the most pleasurable things in existence, it’s no wonder some people are so promiscious.

I just wonder what people take into consideration before they have sex. What sort of standards do people like to follow.

Male, 51 here. I’ve had two marriages over 10 years, and several long-term relationships over the years. None ever started with a hook-up.

In fact, I’ve never had a hook-up & casual relationship, or any one night stands. It’s not my style.