No, I’m with you on this. If I cared about a guy and he was a good friend, I’d be open to helping him explore, and it might even be fun for us both since I’ve never had a casual sexual/no strings attached relationship. But I wouldn’t go in hoping for a long term, loving attachment.
Dating, no. I might consider a fwb arrangement to satisfy your curiosity (well, before I met my current bf anyway). but I’m not putting my emotions on the line for someone who doesn’t already know they’re at *least *bisexual.
Based on the conversations I’ve had with a gay friend, I don’t know how fulfilling a sexual relationship with a gay guy could be for a woman. The greenish tinge his face took on when discussing performing cunnilingus…
Have you considered dating people elsewhere on the sexual spectrum, like a pre-op trans-woman (although that is primarily a fantasy for mostly-straight guys.)
I don’t even like when guys try to perform that on me! Being gay straight bi whatever doesn’t require certain sexual activities. Romance is more than sex after all. Reflecting back on the OP I would totally give it a try.
Of course this is all hypothetical because I’m happily married 
Interesting and wonderful responses everyone. Thanks so much for satisfying my curiosity 
Suffice it to say I won’t be dating or trying to date any women any time soon, but you’ve got me to think about some things and some good advice if I ever do want to give it a go (like just trying something sexual without getting hopes up for long term dating).
Also, I’m not afraid of going down on a woman. In fact, probably would be pretty fun.
I can’t imagine dating a gay guy. I have too many gay friends and that’s how I like my gay guys. As friends.
I think if you go at it from the experimental casual perspective you’ll do just fine, and satisfy yourself in more than one way!
I had a gay guy in my bed once, with a bi-curious guy who tended toward women in between us. You could certainly be a bi- or bi-curious guy who tends toward men. You’re still young! The above scenario is the only one I can think of where a gay guy would get into bed with me - I can’t imagine any of my gay friends hopping in the sack with just me, we would both giggle our heads off. My closest gay guy friend and I get pretty touchy-feely when we’re drunk, he likes boobs and mine are ample. He kinda can’t keep his hands off them when he’s tipsy, and we’ve been known to make out a little, but any farther than that would be really weird for both of us. I could see us being old roomates together, but partners in that sense would just never work.
drewtwo99
I am of the Ron White school of thought- everyone is a little bit bisexual.
The routine goes: Everyone’s gay buddy. it’s just to what extent are you guy
Friend goes: No I’m not, I’m not even a little bit gay.
Ron goes: Yes you are and I can prove it.
Friend goes: prove it.
Ron: You like porn?
Friend goes: Yeah.
Ron goes: You only like watching scenes with two women together?
Friend goes: No I like to watch men and women together.
Ron goes: Well, do you like the man to have a small, half flaccid penis?
Friend goes: Hell no! I like big hard throbbing co…
And friend learns something about himself that he did not know.
================================
This sets the scene for a more serious discussion. Even a guy like me who is 100% on the straight end of the spectrum
- Only has ever been with women, never with men
- No desire to be with men.
- Only fantasizes about women
Even someone like me, understands the difference between a sexy guy and a not sexy guy. You can just tell. There’s non-sexual physical beauty. That’s why Michelangelo’s David is considered a beautiful work of art. This isn’t pornography, it’s a physical representation of a beautiful human body. But I am not attracted sexually to such a male form.
That being said, sex is only one facet of attraction. If given the choice between having to stare at butt-ugly guy all day or a more photogenic guy, I’m sure I’d rather look at the guy who isn’t physically unpleasant to look at. What does that mean? One guy is less attractive to me than another. Which means, on some non-sexual level, attractive men at least, are attractive to me. I just don’t get aroused in any way by them.
Some people have a more flirtatious attraction to certain people, but wouldn’t ever consider having sex with them. Sort of an innocent flirty attraction. An example of which- girlfriends of mine who hug and kiss each other, but do not engage in sex with women, and only date men. I wouldn’t go that far with a dude, even if it’s a nonsexual thing. But I can see people who would, and on that level, they’re comfortable with innocent flirting and touching, in a playful way. But they wouldn’t like take off their bras and jump each other, no matter how drunk they are. But that’s a level of comfort with the same sex that I don’t share, and it’s still not truly bisexuality as most people know it.
Then you have the folks who might think about things in private, and might even get hands-on when drunk, but the odds are very unlikely they’ll ever end up in bed with the same sex partner.
Then you have folks who might think about such things a lot, and talk about them with like-minded people. But as consciously bi-curious as they may be, they would only date opposite sex people.
Then you have truly bi-curious people who have accepted it, and would be willing to try things, but only with the right person. Even if they haven’t done it yet.
Then you get bisexual people who are frequently attracted to members of the same sex.
Then you get bisexual people who tend toward members of their own sex, but are still attracted to opposite sex partners.
Then you get people who are fairly committed gay, except, they’ve had an odd straight attraction of the sexual type before. A bisexual that is almost fully gay, but still has bi tendencies and would date an opposite sex partner.
Then you have the gays that have straight feelings sometimes, but never would really choose to date an opposite sex partner.
And so on. There’s a whole spectrum. But on some level, I think we’re all attracted to the opposite sex, and we’re all attracted to the same sex. The difference being, the attraction can be completely non-sexual, or it could be sexual on an unconscious level- sort of a “wow, that guy is really handsome” but you’re not aware of any sexual feelings at all.
This is all a setup for my main point:
From what you’ve posted, you’re a pretty committed gay person. But like anyone, you retain some level of attraction for others, whether it’s sexual or not.
I am not an expert on anything, as far as I am aware. I’m not someone who is interested in trying to change you in any way. However, I do spend my life observing things, and I have noticed that there is a huge, huge spectrum of this cross-gender attraction. Whether it’s toward the same gender or not, there are many things people can be, but completely cut off from any sort of attraction to a specific gender, I’m not convinced that’s ever happened.
I would suggest humbly, that you reject any advice that comes toward you from people who believe that you can either be straight, or gay, but not both; from people interested in “converting” you; or from people who want you to admit/declare that you’re bisexual, or just in general, push you toward doing something that you don’t want to do.
This is not, in my experience and based on observation, a desire to change who you are or “be straight”. This is simply a bisexual or bi-curious side to your personality which has always been there, but probably on an unconscious level, or simply buried by your far stronger attraction to men.
The issue I see, if any, is that if you were to date a woman, she would have to be aware that you are very likely to find men to be much more attractive than her, most of the time. As such, that’s not a very fair situation for her, unless she likes dating multiple people at once. You would not be a good long term monogamous partner for her, not unless your tastes changed, and they are unlikely to change so much, so rapidly, that you’d ever be anything more than slightly bi or bi-curious.
All that being said, I don’t think it’s wrong or unhealthy or even all that strange for you to be experiencing opposite sex attraction that you also feel like expressing, and trying it out.
I’m not someone who is hung up on the “grid”, where everyone has to fit neatly inside one box. I don’t think that’s the case. I think most people go over the lines, and many people take up space in several boxes, so to speak.
I would simply urge you to do these things if you feel like pursuing this:
-
Be completely honest and straightforward right from the start that you’re just curious to try something new, and that you don’t foresee yourself changing from what you are, which is attracted primarily to men. This is a must. Absolutely a must. Never be dishonest.
-
Do not let anyone push you into trying to fit inside some arbitrary label or box. Then you are conforming to their expectations instead of being who you really are. That’s a form of dishonesty as well- being dishonest to yourself.
-
Enjoy what may be a wonderful experience, with the right person. Do not settle for anything less than that. You might have a good time with the right person, you will absolutely have a terrible time if you just decide to mess around with someone who is not up for this, or who you aren’t at the very least, as strongly attracted to as you have been with men in the past.
Remember, just because you may have bi tendencies, that does not mean you can switch off your normal, and more dominant, sexual attractions. If you try to suppress or ignore those, you will be unhappy, your partner will be, and some person you’d be great with will end up not being with you, and that adds up to a bare minimum of three unhappy people due to one bad decision.
From a friend- Good luck!
Hint: Watch how the lesbians do it in the “For Women” porno movies. Not the lesbian movies for guys.
These are women who enjoy each other, and not just for pay, and rather than doing what the director tells them to do, they’re doing what feels good, how they want to do it, for as long as they want to do it. And they’re much more into it, and you’ll hear actual moaning and watch actual, non-fake orgasms.
This is where you pick up pointers. But as with anything, you can become a fast learner simply by being a willing partner, and listening to your partner’s needs.
I don’t have a vagina, I don’t know what feels good to her, the anatomy’s sensations are unknown to me personally. And women have unique physiologies, just like men. What works for one partner won’t for another. As such, the only way you’re going to know what to do is to listen to your specific partner’s responses, and give her whatever feels good, at just the right pressure/intensity/speed that she likes. And the only way to know that, given she’s probably not putting up cardboard signs with arrows and giving you verbal instructions, is to see how she’s reacting and listening carefully.
What’s tough is that either porn or societal pressure or both has given women the idea that they’re supposed to act like they’re enjoying it whether they are or not. You might have to work at it for a bit just to tell the difference between a motion or action that she really, really likes, and one that she’s just pretending to love. Find the truly excited/enjoyed signal, and make that noise happen as much as you can. Make the pretended excited signal go away as much as possible, until she doesn’t do that any more.
Keep in mind that even her favorite motion may not be enough. During certain stages of her excitement, other motions may be preferred. Try to figure out which ones work best, and in what order. One motion is great for achieving orgasm, but is a poor motion to start out with. It only works when she’s already at the peak of the mountain, so to speak.
Put these principles to work and, even if it doesn’t work out between you, and even if this is your one night ever of having sex with a woman, it will be a lot more fun for her, which means she’s going to be even more enthusiastic and want to make your night just as special.
I figure, if you’re going to do it, do it right- that way, even if you don’t want an annual pass to the amusement park, you’ll always have fond memories of your one trip there.
Askthepizzaguy, please accept this post in place of a standing ovation, because that post was as beautiful as it was insightful and brilliant. You have rapidly become one of my favorite posters around here and I think your idea of writing a book some day is a great one. You write well and I would love to read it.
So , thank you for the advice and I completely 100% agree with everything you have said and will take it to heart if/when I ever decide to “test the waters” so to speak
ETA: Your follow up post is also awesome and I would say applies the same exact way for men, to give them a great blowjob, haha! Especially the whole thing about what works well near the end isn’t what you want to start out with. Great advice for orally pleasing both a lady or a gentleman
Thank you. I’m gratified that my comments were meaningful for you.
Different animal altogether. A coworker of mine went the other way 'round; he’d had girlfriends, and at one point found himself attracted to a man and confused as all get-go, eventually decided to give it a try and, since he still did like women (as opposed to “realized he’d been dating women because of societal expectations”), relabel as bi. I don’t know what’s his current relationship status, last time I saw him he was “dating around”.
You don’t have experience in making out/having sex with a woman but you do have experience in relationships with people, and any new lover is an undiscovered world, whether they’re male, female or from Mercury.
Would I want to date a guy who said “I’m gay but want to date you”? No; he’s saying he doesn’t find me attractive. Do I find a guy’s “previous relationship status” relevant to the question of whether I want to date him? Only inasmuch as it may involve crazy exes, alimony payments and court dates.
Why the hell not? I would totally give it a try with the guy.
How *you *doin’?
I also would give it a shot. Love can be found in the unlikeliest places, after all.
My son’s godfather, the gayest of gay men, loves and watches mostly straight porn. When I asked him why (years ago) he just shrugged and said he was weird.
So there’s that.
I might date a guy who was honest and upfront with me about what he wanted and hoped to achieve. I dated bi-sexual guys before I was married, I might again. I might date a guy who said he was attracted to me regardless of his sexual history.
It’d depend on the guy and the level of honesty, the relationship I had with him and what was going on in my life at the time.
I wish I saw this a year ago! I’m totally open to date a gay guy as long as your super tender and sexy. I love everything about gay guys and I’m on a dominant side. In bed you guys are amazing