How much do clothes matter?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is kind of inspired by all of the apperance related threads lately. How far do people take the charade that they don’t care how people look? By any definition of beauty, I’m ugly.(case closed, no discussion needed). So I don’t see the point of dressing up. If a nice suit or Tuxedo had some practical significance, even such as the difference in getting laid or not, then I might wear one, but it’s not so I don’t. Slob is the common term for how I dress, T-shirt and jeans or shorts for all occasions(never dirty, however). It is the most comfortable set of clothes I know of, which is the main factor going into my wardrobe choice, the only other factor is temperature regulation. I go to all job interviews, weddings (including being a groomsman a couple times) in those clothes. My friends know that is how I will be going, and couldn’t care less. But the looks from some of the other wedding attendees would be appropriate if I was sacrificing a baby.

Also as a matter of principle I will not attend an event or go to a restaurant that has a required dress code.

So how many people out there would think less of me as a person for going to a fancy wedding in t-shirt and jeans? How many employers would disqualify me if I interviewed for a job.?

2

Well, this is coming from someone who usually wears casual clothes, even at work.

People have been marking special occasions by dressing up ever since they got the idea of weaving two pieces of grass together. It is deeply ingrained in just about every society I can think of that you show your joy and respect for the occasion by dressing up. Most people kind of like it. It’s fun to do something different from the daily grind.

I’m about the least clothes-conscious person you’d be likely to find, but I do notice and draw conclusions about people who flaunt a dress code. Not going to “formal” restaurants is your business. (And, note, I live in San Diego, where “formal” means your shirt has a collar and you’re wearing the NEW Tevas.) If your friends truly didn’t mind jeans in their wedding party, fine. I’m sure you understand, though, that people at the wedding who didn’t know that thought that you were just clueless.

As for employers, I’d wager that the vast majority would form an immediate negative opinion about you if you showed up for an interview even in your crispest jeans and T-shirt. Most are looking for the ability to present oneself professionally as well as for skills. You just come across as someone who doesn’t take the interview seriously. I’d be willing to be this is true even in most offices where the attire is very casual.

I believe that “anticonformity” is just as small-minded as conformity. It seems to me that you are making just as big a deal about clothes as others do by cutting yourself off from events where more formal clothes are “required.” Tuxedos aren’t particularly uncomfortable–I know, I’ve worn one. They beat the hell out of panty hose, believe me.

So, I’m certainly not advocating that everyone needs to walk around dressed to the nines every minute, just that dressing up for special occasions is part of what makes them special. You’d be more comfortable lounging on your couch eating take-out pizza than sipping champagne at someone’s New Year’s Eve bash, but wouldn’t that be kind of boring?

3

Clothes can be important, especially to people who don’t know you, which is nearly everybody! I am not solely intersted in how a man looks, how he dresses, but there are important clues, IMHO, in how he dresses. Clean and well-cared-for clothes are important, clothes appropriate to occasion and climate are important indicators to me on how he views the world and himself. I know that shoes, pants, shirts and the like can be well-made and as comfortable as anything else if the fit is correct.
I perceive appropriate clothing as a sign of respect at special occasions.
In a job interview for a position that deals with the public, I could see you being discounted no matter your skills and potential. If part of the job is to send a message from first appearances, you may not qualify if you choose unusual dress.
You say you’re ugly,** Wolfman, **so you don’t dress up. You may not be interested in a makeover, but I have seen very few ugly men who were clean, well-groomed and well-dressed, even if in jeans and T-shirts.

4

Most of them, barring special circumstances (such as a hippie wedding performed in a hayfield). Different situations call for different clothing. This is all a part of maintaining normal social behavior. Wearing jeans and a tee-shirt to, say, an embassy ball is the sartorial equivelent of burping loudly and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. If you want to defy convention then that’s your right, but don’t expect people not to judge you for it.

5

OUTSIDE OR UNDERNEATH?

Bob bought a hundred-dollar suit
But couldn’t afford any underwear.
Says he, “If your outside looks real good
No one will know what’s under there.”

Jack bought some hundred-dollar shorts
But wore a suit with rips and tears.
Says he, “It won’t matter what people see
As long as I know what’s under there.”

Tom bought a flute and a box of crayons,
Some bread and cheese and a golden pear.
And as for his suit or his underwear
He doesn’t think about them much . . . or care.

6

This is turning into a very introspective time for me. Hangin’ out at the SDMB has taught me exactly how shallow I really am.

Dang it, I admit it. I like well-dressed men. I like men who wear nice, ironed shirts and clean jeans and other fancy articles of clothing, such as polished shoes. I am pretty laid back about what you wear in terms of jeans, khakis, or what-have-you. However, I like men who shave on a daily basis (if need be). I like cologne. I like nice shoes and nice watches and clean, well-cut hair.

I also like to dress nicely. I love shopping and I try to do it once a week, even on a very limited budget. I like having my hair cut and buying new make up, earrings, and most importantly, shoes.

Having said all of this, I feel like a turd.

No matter how unattractive you might think you are, I think that taking care doesn’t take that long or cost so much. A well-dressed man is a big turn on for me…for me, anyways.

FTR, I almost didn’t post this for fear of retribution. I am not so vain that I believe that clothing in any way makes me more attractive to the opposite sex past an initial glance (if I garner that much nonverbal praise). Note: Sob Story approaching. We couldn’t afford anything when I was growing up, so I guess I’m acting out against it? Ah, well, consider my shopping habit my way of supporting the economy.

7

I hate dressing up. I would love if wearing shorts, jeans, t-shirts or sweaters were appropiate for all situations, but they’re not. The only job interviews that wearing jeans would be appropriate to(‘least so far as I’ve read) would be to one in which your clothes would be ruined on a regular basis- house painting or sanitation maybe. Other than that you’re supposed to dress nicely, just as you’re supposed to print your resume’ on high quality paper. If you want the job, you have to suck it up and do what is expected of you for the interview. As for the wedding, if the bride and groom are ok with it, use your judgement as you see fit.

8

Actually, if you were interviewing for a job painting houses, you wouldn’t get hired wearing jeans. White pants or shorts are pretty much the uniform. It’s not that they look so much better, but they’re a non-verbal statement of “yes, I am a professional, and I’ll spend $15 on the pants to prove it.”

The other difference between an amateur painter and a professional is that the amateur’s bid includes “and a case of beer.” </nitpick>

But, I digress. I like my men clean and dressed; otherwise, it’s no fun to undress them. If they prefer casual clothes, we’ll go somewhere casual. I don’t mind wearing a slinky black dress and the heels that make me feel sexy even when they’re wearing a work shirt and jeans; we’re not a “set” for decorative purposes, we’re a couple. Course, that’s socially. Work, I dunno about, I’ve never been someone’s boss and had to decide what was absolutely necessary for them to do their job.

Corr

9

Well, remember, we are all raised differently when it comes to grooming. Where I come from, how you dress and groom yourself IS seen as an indicator of “who you are,” be that right or wrong.

Wolfman, you call yourself “ugly,” but my friends and I never judge people on what nature gave them. However, if I saw you at a wedding or party “dressed like a slob” (your own term), I would infer that as your saying, “fuck you—I don’t give a goddam how I look,” which I interpret as both unsociable and unhealthy. I always try to look my best as matter of courtesy to others—just as one keeps one’s house well-tended, rather than having it all run down with peeling paint and broken windows.

I don’t expect men to swan around in Armani suits all the time; a clean T-shirt and well-fitting jeans can be quite appropriate in some venues. But, yes, it IS awfully nice when a man is comfortable in a dinner suit and carries it off well . . .

Do I think you’re “less of a person?” Of course not. I do think, however, we run in different social circles. I would be just as uncomfortable and out-of-place in yours as you would be in mine.

10

I don’t see how this is shallow. EVERYONE has preferences in terms of how they like other people to look. (Well, maybe not blind people.) I’ve yet to meet a person who didn’t find some things more attractive than others.

You would be shallow if your judgment of people was entirely based on appearance. But if it’s just part of the package for you, that’s not shallow. It’s normal. To be honest, I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t like a well-dressed man, and I know lots of them aren’t shallow.

11

Lamia said:

Exactly! I’m a pretty laid-back guy, and if you showed up at my wedding and you were wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I’d probably have a chuckle. But I would wager that I’m in the distinct minority. I know many recent brides, for example, that would [pacino]have your ass!!![/pacino]

Also, if I had two job candidates that compared fairly evenly, and one wore dress pants and a nice shirt to the interview, and one wore jeans, I think I’d hire the dress pants guy, because at least he know what’s going on. He may wear rubber chaps and nipple clamps at home, but he knows what to wear to a job interview.

Some things that feel comfortable are rude in specific situations. Farting, scratching, sleeping, etc. are all wonderful things, but you will be perceived as rude if you do them at any remotely formal occasion. The t-shirt and jeans thing is the same. In certain situations, it’s just as inappropriate as if you’d showed up in a haloween costume, or a radiation suit.

Listen, I understand your desire to wear comfortable clothes. I just think that what you’re expressing here is not a desire to be comfortable but a desire to make a statement of some sort. Which is cool, really. Just be honest with yourself about it, and take it easy when it’s someone else’s special day.

Plus, once you start wearing “nice” clothing, it becomes fun and different. You can learn to express just as much style and individuality and nonconformity as you would with your t-shirt, if not more. And you will be doing your friends a favor that they will appreciate.

12

Eve brings up a very good point that is often overlooked by those who go to events that have traditionally been “dressy” (i.e., weddings, funerals, cocktail parties, etc.) It is just plain rude - If you’re thought highly enough of by those inviting you, the least you can do is to dress properly for the event. That doesn’t mean you have to wear a suit to a pool party, but it does mean that I don’t want you to come to a early evening cocktail party dressed in jeans and a tee shirt.

Humans come in an infinite variety of shapes and sizes. I’ve never understood why some people refuse to make the most out of whatever it is they have and insist on looking like a slob and paying no attention to their appearance. You say you don’t care what I think of how you’re dressed - fine, but I still think you’re a slob.

Appearances matter - its a fact of life and has been since time began. If we’re both equally qualified for the job, have the same educational background, same abilities, hell - identical twins in all respects EXCEPT that I show up at the interview in a suit, tie, with polished shoes, a close shave, and good haircut and you show up looking like an unmade bed, I’m getting the job. You be a slob if you want. You don’t have to dress up to collect unemployment.

13

I think Curryhas some excellent advice for you. :slight_smile:

I tend not to enjoy dressing up, but I try to solve that by buying very simple clothes that can be dressed up or down - lots of long, fluid dresses in solid colors that look fine with sandals, boots, or nice shoes depending on the occasion. I don’t like wearing business suits and will avoid hose at all costs, but will wear them to job interviews because it’s expected of me.

If we didn’t know each other, and you showed up for a job interview with me or my wedding or a date dressed like a “slob”, I would assume you didn’t respect me or the occasion.

Recently I’ve stopped covering my “problem” skin with makeup because I think makeup just makes it worse. It’s looking better and better, but I wonder sometimes if people now think I just don’t care.

14

Clothes are the quickest and easiest way to make a statement about who you are and what you represent. Even if you choose not pay attention to your atire, you are still making a statement.

My style depends on where I’m going or what I’m doing

For example:
lounging around the house on the weekend - I’ll usually just go with comfort. Some cargo shorts and the Abercrombie T-Shirt I’ve been wearing for three days does nicely. (I’ve actually stopped buying Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirts since my brother and I figured out that they are simply copying Cape Cod or Marthas Vinyard bar shirts, Absolut college fraternity Ts and ratty 8th grade rec basketball shirts and selling them for $30 instead of $10.)

Fancy night club - Usually BananaRepublic stretch shirt and black fake Armani pants (I do not want to spill a drink on a $200 pair of real Armani pants).

Work - As per the Firms guidlines, Chinos and a J Crew button down or polo shirt if its Business Casual. Dress pants and Brooks Brothers or Ralph Lauren buttondown if its Business Appropriate. Blue suit, white shirt (blue shirts are for bus drivers), tastefull tie if Business Professional. Appearance is VERY IMPORTANT in my profession and dress code is strictly enforced.
A couple of things:
Belt and shoes should always match
Always wear a belt
Socks should be dark or the same color as your suit
No sneaker, chinos, and a Sybase or Microsoft shirt combos
Shoes should be polished
Here’s the thing wolfman. I don’t know anything about you except your description. My immediate reaction is along the lines of “lacks taste or class”, or “redneck yahoo”. I can’t help wonder why someone would insist on not wearing the appropriate attire to a weding or job interview. I could care less what you wear on the street, but if you came to an interview at my company in a T shirt and shorts, you probably wouldn’t even get past the receptionist.

15

Well, I have no problem admitting that I care about how people look. It’s not the ONLY thing that I care about, but I do care.

Different occasions call for different types of clothing, period. I don’t think it’s appropriate to wear the same thing to a formal function as to a back-yard BBQ. I looks like you don’t care about/respect the people holding the formal function.

Of course, it is your prerogative to wear whatever the heck you like, whenever you want. If you’re lucky enough to have a job wear you can wear jeans and a t-shirt everyday, more power to ya.

I have to say, however, (and I’ll probably get flamed for this), when I see a person that doesn’t care about their appearance, I always assume that they don’t care about themselves. Taking the time to look my best is something that I do each day. I don’t think this makes me better than anyone else, but it enhances how I feel about myself, and I move through my day more confidently than if I look like a slob. This extends not only to clothing, but to exercise and health as well.

Finally, you say that you’re ugly. This distresses me to no end. As far as I’m concerned, you have to have an ugly personality to be truly ugly, just as you have to have a beautiful personality to be truly beautiful. You may not look like Tom Cruse, but give yourself a bit more credit.

I dunno, that’s my 2 cents.

Al.

16

“I have to say, however, (and I’ll probably get flamed for this), when I see a person that doesn’t care about their appearance, I always assume that they don’t care about themselves.”

—Not only do I agree with you, I’ll take it one step further: it indicates that they don’t care about anyione else, either.

17

Wolfman - I’m with you! I see we’re a distinct minority here, but I’m with you! I wear jeans and a T-shirt all the time, with job interviews being the sole exception.

A tie serves no purpose other than to restrict blood flow to the brain. The last time I wore a “noose” was to a job interview where I was shooting for a $70-$80K/year job. I have my principles, but I have my price, too.

I don’t dress up for a couple of reasons. One is a matter of comfort, the other, a matter of principle. I’m just not comfortable in dress clothes/shoes/etc., and I’m not willing to compromise my comfort to conform to some arbitrary social norm, no matter how dearly held that norm may be to those around me. Usually, this isn’t an issue. I don’t tend to go to formal events, and when I do, I just wear the same ol’ black-jeans-and-a-T-shirt I would wear anywhere else. I refuse to go to any restaurant with a dress code more stringent than, “no shirt, no shoes, no service.”

I work for a very small company, and two of the three major shareholders/owners feel exactly the same way I do about dress codes, and the third tolerates the rest of us quite well. For a while we were merged with another company whose CEO tried to impose a dress code. We all balked and he caved in. It helps that I’m a computer geek - we’re known for our disdain for dress codes, and it’s largely tolerated (at least in any company I’d work for). Of course, I now telecommute, so I can work naked if I want. Heh…

My girlfriend is very much into the whole dress-up thing. She has, like, a zillion pairs of shoes. I have one pair of shoes. She just bought a lot of 60 “scrunchies” on eBay and insists she now has to have an outfit to match every one. She thinks my attitudes are blasphemous, but she tolerates them quite well. She was a little freaked that I attended my sister’s wedding dressed in my usual garb, but she got over it. My sister feels the same way I do about clothing, so I wasn’t offending her, and anyone else there who had a problem with it was cordially invited to kiss my hairy white ass. :slight_smile:

Like I said, comfort is my primary motivator for how I look. I do some things people consider normal and good purely for reasons of comfort. I never wear dirty clothes - they feel nasty against my skin and often smell. I keep my hair quite short and neat because it dries quickly and doesn’t get in my way. I keep my face clean-shaven because I can’t stand facial hair. On the whole I’m a very presentable guy, but you’re not going to catch me wearing a suit any time soon.

One day I hope to go to law school and become a lawyer. Given how much money I can make, I’ll deal with having to wear a suit. Until then, it’s black jeans or denim shorts and a T-shirt for me.

18

I think this is a good plan for anyone who doesn’t care for dressing up.

When it comes to clothing, my main concern is speed. I don’t like things that take a long time to put on. I also don’t like things I would have difficulty running in, since you never know when an axe murderer will come after you. :slight_smile: Because of this I favor simple garments in solid colors.

I am all for comfortable and casual clothes, but good taste suggests that there should be some limits. For instance, when I am working in a “business casual” environment I will wear well-fitting black or olive jeans, but not blue jeans and of course nothing ripped, stained, faded, or baggy. A tee-shirt may be out, but I have a couple of short-sleeved cotton blouses that feel like tee-shirts but look a bit more businesslike.

19

A few years ago, I would have said not at all. I detested clothing shopping, and would sooner have worn clothing that did not fit then do that. But now, I’m slowly becoming a bit more partial to it, trying to find colors that look good on me, trying to figure out a style, etc. Tis quite the change. remembers a comment about how he should wear baby blue, and can’t decide between shuddering, or going shopping

20

I think clothes and style only matter as much as you want them to matter. As long as you yourself don’t care, then why worry what others think? Personally, I like wearing nice things and getting dressed up, but I admire the fact that you feel comfortable wearing T-shirts and jeans to weddings, etc. The world would be alot friendlier if people just accepted differences and didn’t have a problem with the ways others dress, or act or think for that matter, and we could wear T-shirts and jeans to “formal” occasions and not have to spend exhorbitant amounts of money on an outfit you would only wear to that particular event unless we wanted to.