Well, he said he was new to this. I didn’t want to frighten him. 
I think that most people assume that the first few dates don’t even mean you are exclusive, let alone headed for marriage. Perhaps your community is like mine, where 25 is considered kinda old for a girl to have never been married, but, even so, she’s not gonna be so immature as to think you are going to get married after a single date.
But, even if they were, would you really want to date them, anyways? What you want and what they want is incompatible, anyways. If said girl wants out of the relationship because it isn’t going to become more permanent, that’s for the best for both of you.
When I was a freshman in college, I met a man in his 20s at a college mixer, and we spent the evening having a pleasant chat. It was clear to us both that we had hit it off and would get together again soon.
As he walked me back to my dorm, he said, “I just want you to know, I’ll never marry you - it’s not you, it’s just that I never plan on getting married.”
Since I was young and innocent, I just smiled sweetly at him and said, “Sure, no problem.” Inside I thought, “You conceited asshole, I just met you 2 hours ago and you are worried that I’m going to want to marry you? Get over yourself!”
Oh, and you know how this story ends, right? Of course - a few years later he was desperate to marry me, and I wasn’t interested.
In other words, don’t tell a woman that you aren’t interested in marriage until your relationship evolves to the point where it comes up naturally. Do it any sooner and you look like a conceited ass.
You don’t have to put a label on any relationship. Each one may be a little different. Just enjoy it as it is.
Let each day unfold. You don’t have to plot out your life as if it were a novel.
Be honest and fair. Learn to trust your instincts. When all else fails, pretend you are Simon Baker.
I’m 27, and started dating my current boyfriend when I was 26. Although we are currently in a serious relationship where marriage is a possibility, neither of us started the relationship thinking of marriage in our future, and even now I only think of it as a possible option in the distant future (at least two or three years from now, at the earliest).
Most girls in their 20s don’t start a relationship thinking about marriage right off the bat. If you’ve been together for a good while, and one of you is thinking about marriage and the other doesn’t even consider it an option, that’s when you probably split up.
Just start dating and see how it goes from there.
I’m with the cougar thing.
But just relax. My brother is a late-bloomer like you. Sweet as can be and I’m sure he’ll make a great husband some day. But he just wants to date. I told him, it’ll happen.
Just go with the flow…
Couldn’t have said it better.
When you hear second-hand about guys being dubbed assholes for ‘leading women on’ or whatever, it tends to be a) A teen or 20-something guy promising his teenage girlfriend the world so she’ll have sex with him then dumping her afterwards, or b) Adult couples breaking up after six or seven years, often when the woman is approaching her thirties – if she really wants children and her partner really doesn’t, then yes, she is better off ending things and finding someone else to start a life and family with. Sometimes the break-up was preceded by years of discussion about family – sometimes the guy laid it all out from day one and she chose to ignore it or think he’d change, sometimes he hemmed and hawed about the issue, sometimes she changed her mind about having kids a few years in. No one is prowling the bars in a wedding dress waiting to ‘trick’ the first guy into marriage who’s dumb enough to go out with her.
Jeez people, it’s not like there’s a ton of 40+ year old women out there just dying to meet a guy in his mid 20s with no dating or sexual experience. Or are there? I would assume a modicum of experience would be required for an older woman if she’s going to be interested in a much younger guy at all.
Or are there tons of 40+ year old women out there looking to hook up with a guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing in the least?
Someone needs to sit the OP down and teach him about the Cougars and the Bees.
No, but you never know. Maybe he’ll get lucky.
I doubt there are tons, but the idea is that the few who are interested in 20-something guys likely have their own careers (and possibly kids) so they aren’t looking to settle down (again) or to be taken care of… which of course presumes that this is the case with most 20- and 30-something women. I’m sure there are older women who want to teach younger guys or are happy to have someone who can keep up with their sex drives, but yeah, there’s nothing in the OP to indicate that they’d be all over him.
I’m 20 and I’ve pondered similar thoughts. I never dated or played the field. (It’s me having social anxiety and trust issues.) I only met someone in the last couple of months that I felt comfortable enough to give it a try.
I can’t imagine something so casual- being with someone with no intention of having something together but I don’t know if my special person feels the same (he’s a former ‘swinger’). I try my best not to think too far int the future with him (again my anxiety and trust issues) but I hope it’s more than just a silly casual thing.
Despite how close we are I’d never let him know I’ve had thoughts about the future because I know that kind of thing scares people off. I’d say just keep it to yourself for as long as possible. Definitely not material for the first couple of weeks or even months. I may not have first hand experience but I’ve had a long time watching friends and family try to have relationships and fail because they got too clingy or rushed into something…I pay attention to these things because I don’t want to feel the pain they’ve had to endure.
When I was dating, I usually had guys figured out on the first date, without them having to address the point. Women are thinking people too, y’know.
My perspective is a little different. Just because you are inexperienced at dating doesn’t mean it’s OK for you to have the maturity level of an 18 or 19 year old. At 25 or so you should be mature enough to talk about what sex means in a relationship before you have it. There are women out there who will be fine with saying that sex is just something you do while you’re dating. Plenty have weighed in on this thread. Others will prefer not to go down that path if you’re not interested in a serious relationship. Part of being a man and not a boy is the willingness to walk away from those women without manipulating them into something they don’t want.
I do agree that some general, casual dating would do you some good.