I had to look into this….
From http://snunes.blogspot.com/2004_08_01_archive.html
I‘m at a loss for words…
No shit! Er, uh I mean… :smack:
Even if the Dave Matthews entourage crapped like a pack of barnyard ungulates, one suspects the band bus waste tank did not actually contain 800 lb of pure dookie. More likely the contents were composed of…shall we say…exacta.
I wasn’t questioning the weight of the poop. I was wondering exactly how they went about testing a busses DNA. 
…the busses DNA (sorry)
Well, I hate to spoil the party, but…
regoarrarr, welcome to The Boards, but I am afraid that you used the wrong door. This is the Straight Dope. The Straight Poop is down the hall, first door on the left.
Black Rabbit-- I’m impressed by your dedication to science. Excellent statistics.
Thank God nobody has asked for pics
You laugh - but on Channel 4 last night during some real-life medical dreck (Embarrassing Medical Conditions) the doctor host collected stool samples from a bunch of students to determine their bowel condition. They were all sitting around a table with translucent tupperware containers while he comments on their crap - he even uses one container as a rattle to demonstrate a lack of fibre in the student diet.
I know that Channel 4 is mostly shite, but I thought that this went a bit far. Then again, this is a show that has shown penile pimples in-situ on a previous show, so what can you say…
Si
my bad. That makes more sense. That’s a lot of chihuahua weights
Are you a Greaseman fan? He’s the only one I ever heard use that turn of phrase for that particular activity.
One of my great joys in life is trying to best my personal heftiest poop (I know, I know). This is going to get gross quickly, and I recommend hiding the children.
I have gone to great lengths to try and increase the mass of my excretion. Iron and fiber are crucial, as they both serve to increase the density of the drop. Cheese is also good, as it has the notable effect of binding one’s bowels up, thereby allowing one to (pardon the phrase) stuff ten pounds of crap in a five-pound bag. The simplest course of action is also the most important: eat a lot and hold it in. This does result in a methodological flaw in my personal studies, however. Since the deuce is, at the time of the blow, so anxious to be free, it’s really rather impossible to take the time to urinate, weigh, and then defecate. As a result, I’m forced to weigh myself (very uncomfortably, but oh man there’s a good feeling coming) and then hit the pot. My personal record (remember, combined urine and fecal matter, having gone to great lengths to increase the total weight by specific eating habits and by drinking a load of Coke Zero – the caffeine acts as a diuretic and the liquid itself fills up the ol’ bladder) is, if I do say so myself, a rather impressive eight pounds. IANAD, but I’m sure that can’t be healthy. I haven’t tried this for a while, but if science calls…
Eight pounds of shit?!! :eek:
What was the volume?
My favorite is “major transaction.” Chick McGee has used it. Not sure if it originated with him, though.
While I don’t have a scientific measurement to provide, I can safely say that it’s the only time I’ve ever stood up, turned around, and frozen in slack-jawed awe.
Why, why, why would you open your mouth in front of such a thing?! The smell wasn’t enough for you? Did you need to have all 5 senses involved?