How much, how nice, how soon?

In My Humble Opinion
1

What would a new week be without another thread about me meddling in my kids’ business? :stuck_out_tongue: Well, not meddling at all, just kinda curious (and a tad disappointed).

Oldest kid finished college and will student teach this fall. She and BF moved into new apatment together. What has kinda surprised my wife and me was that they apparently don’t want any “hand-me-down” furnishings from us and instead seem to be furnishing their apartment with all new stuff. Surprises us because it is quite different from the way we were when we started out. And disappoints us a bit because we don’t think it reflects the wisest economic decision. But they have their own lives to lead, and we are keeping any criticisms (and our “junk”) to ourselves.

So my question is at what point in your life did you start buying primarily “nice” new stuff for your home? How do you define “nice”? And how “nice” was it? Did you ever accept/appreciate cast-offs from family/friends? Shop thrift stores? Garbage pick?

It was funny because early yesterday morning my wife and I were walking the dogs. Someone had put 2 wooden chairs next to the street (folk often put stuff by the street to be scavenged the day before trash pick-up). My wife commented that she needed a new chair for my daughter’s old bedroom which was becoming our “conservatory” (doesn’t that just REEK of class!) So here we were happily hauling someone else’s trash home, while my daughter could have used both of the chairs for around her dining table.

2

Well, I’m 31 and I’m still using the dressers from the bedroom set my grandmother handed down to me when I got my first apartment. My husband is also still using his childhood desk and bookshelves. We did buy living room furniture for our apartment because we wanted a futon, and we didn’t replace the living room and dining room furniture until we bought a house.

So I’d say we’ve been replacing the furniture we got as gifts and hand me downs gradually, and we didn’t really replace any of it with “serious” furniture until we bought a house.

So, yes we got castoffs, and we did try to shop thrift stores, but I never found anything from a thrift store that worked out. I have gotten some things from Craigslist, though.

3

I’m 40, and the vast majority of our furniture is from relatives, the Salvos or our own carpentry. I have no particular interest in new or “nice” furniture. You have to look after it and all. In my house is a grand total of 9 items of any description which were bought new, and four of those are Ikea bookshelves.

And I totally eye off any “free to any home” stuff I see out on the street. But I’m trying to keep excessive “stuff” out of my life, and that includes furniture.

4

I bought my first house my Senior year in college. My dresser was one that had been in my room as a baby. My bed was a futon on a frame made by my ex-husbands (we weren’t married yet) dad. My couch was from one of my mother’s friends - and had to be covered by a sheet because the stuffing was falling out. The kitchen table came off my great grandparents farm (and when I outgrew it went to my cousin). My pots and pans and dishes came out of a box in my mother’s basement because ‘one day you’ll need this’ (those also went to the same cousin when I was done) - and I have a box in the basement for my kids (yes, the stoneware is 20 years old and chipped…but its dishes).

On my second marriage my parents gave me a dining room table and chairs (not a great one, but NEW). I bought a bedframe and finished out the bedroom set piece by piece (the dresser is at my brother in laws now). We moved into a new home and bought new couches and a coffee table. Most of the furniture is still not “nice” - the bedroom set is Ethan Allen.

So - nearing 30 I started buying real furniture. And I still - at 43 - tend to buy Ikea bookshelves. My daily dishes were $17 for 16 pieces at Target! With two kids, a dog who gets on the furniture, a cat who isn’t declawed and is busy developing her own theory of gravity - we don’t have a lot of great stuff.

I don’t think I’ve ever garbage picked. I have shopped thrift stores - but usually for oddball things (I needed a blender to make paper pulp and didn’t want to use my good blender). I have a few garage sale finds, but am not a huge garage saler. But I STILL end up with cast offs from family and friends - and then cast along downhill. (Right now its my parents deciding I don’t have a wheelbarrow, and they have a new one so I get their old one…I’ve gotten to middle age without needing one - the kids old wagon works…)

We do own two Aeron chairs in the office in addition to the $10,000 worth of EA bedroom set. So it isn’t like we don’t splurge on new and “nice” on occasion.

5

I don’t think there’s a right answer to this - it depends on,the quality of any prospective hand-me-downs or used furniture, how much money one has for new furniture, and how high a priority one places on furniture.

I’m 26, I just moved into my first apartment. Most of my furniture is used, but that’s primarily because I just don’t care very much about it. The furniture I do care about - primarily bookcases - I did buy new. I also bought a new flatscreen TV when I moved in, as opposed to using my old and small CRT. And when my budget permits, I certainly do intend to buy new furniture - probably in the next few months.

I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here - but there’s certainly nothing wrong with getting new stuff, if that’s what you want and you can afford it.

6

'Bout 9 months ago, when I separated from my husband. It was a fairly good leaving, as these things go, but he did try to create some power struggles and “punish” me by fighting over Stuff…and I wasn’t playing that game. I left it all, except for 2 wrought iron/canvas drawer units I bought at Pier 1 years ago and just love. I took my clothes, craft stuff, some kitchen and personal items, and that was it.

It was SO MUCH FUN shopping for a whole new houseful of furniture! Our old place was full of hand me downs, some of which really were great, and pieces we’d picked up here and there as we could afford it. I am really good at making disparate pieces work together, and if you’d seen my old living room, you probably wouldn’t have noticed…but I always noticed that the rounded edges on the entertainment center didn’t match the beveled edges of the coffee table, although the wood was the same general color, because we bought them years apart at different stores from different manufacturers. Little things like that just bugged the shit out of me, and I always looked forward to getting older and more financially resourceful so I could fix it.

I love, love, love my new place. I still bought wisely (read: “fairly cheaply”), and didn’t get completely boring matching furniture or anything, but it all coordinates the way I wanted it to, because I got to design the look from the start. It’s amazing how much more tranquil I feel and how much more *productive *I am now that I can truly relax and revel in my space.

In all, we spent about $8000 for a living room, family room, dining room, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two offices and kitchen (including cooking utensils, food processor, etc.) full of stuff. I still need a functional spice rack, and I’d like a decent area rug for the living room (I purposefully got a $20 piece of junk from Family Dollar, because we also got a new puppy at the same time!), but other than that, we’re set. Yeah…$8000 is a lot of money to me. But I cannot overemphasize how much better I feel having a home designed by me that really fits and reflects me.
I’m 35. If I had known the drastic difference this made, I would have done it at 20, finances be damned. You can always make more money. You can’t ever really relax in a place that feels wrong.

7

I agree very much. And as I said, we’re staying out of this. But their decision surprises us.

Example one: table and chairs. We have 2 old kitchen sets of tables and chairs. There may be some scuffs in the finish, but they look pretty nice and are very solid. We offered them either, and they declined. Which was fine. When we went to their place (which BTW - is nicer than the apt my wife and I moved into after we both graduated from law school with jobs) they had a wooden table no nicer than either of the ones we offered, 2 wooden chairs and 2 lawn chairs. We again offered the chairs we had - or the padded folding chairs from our card table - to provide additional seating, but they said they would buy chairs - from Ikea I think. Either of the chairs we saw by the road the other day were at least as nice as what they currently have or will buy at Ikea.

Re: finances, he has been working for the last few years doing some kinf of electronics installation. Seems like a fine, secure job. I have no idea what he earns, but when I asked my daughter - in the event she is unable to find a full-time teaching gig - if he made enough to pay the rent and support them, and she said “Yes.” She has some savings, and is working ~ 20 hrs/week over the summer, but will not be earning anything while student teaching. And they have told us that he will soon have paid off his student loans, presumably by this summer, after which he intends to save to buy an engagement ring. So they are doing okay. But when I hear that they spent $700 on a couch, I sure hope they are not incurring debt to do so.

Oh yeah - if you think of it, include your age in your response. I’m 49. I know my parents were far more frugal than I - tho I’m not sure too tremendously so. I suspect what I am seeing is mainly a continuation of that trend.

8

Well, when their Ikea stuff is falling apart after a couple moves, they might be more interested in your hand-me-downs.

9

Oh, and I should mention that I still love thrift stores, and I did get one couch from the Salvation Army because it was the perfect size for a weird space in the family room. Then I covered it with a slip cover and staplegunned that sucker into place so it won’t slip.

Our wastebaskets came from the dollar store, as did much of our bathroom stuff. Towels and such came from Walmart, not the department store. Kitchen implements came mostly from Target, not Crate and Barrel. I don’t need pricey, but I love that the spatulas and spoons hanging above the stove all match!

I’ll still take the right hand me downs, too. **BlueKangaroo **just gave me a wonderful little black 2 drawer file cabinet and a shit-ton (that’s a technical measurement) of black click-together storage cubes which work wonderfully in my black, grey and pale wood themed office/sewing room.

I have no problem being cheap, but now I know it’s no bargain if I’m not discriminating in what I take.

10

They may just want their stuff to be theirs - chosen together and purchased together. While I would have taken your table and chairs if they were to my taste, I can also appreciate that all my stuff is my “new life, new partner” stuff…stuff that we hunted and gathered together when we were just starting out together. There’s an emotional value in it that I can’t put a price tag on.

11

Is it possible that they have a very small flat and your stuff is too large?

12

I’d guess that is likely part of it. But its the part that a practical frugal parent looking out for their chicks as they leave the nest goes :smack: over. Valuing the emotional over the long term implications of (potential) debt.

Because, of course, you can put a price tag on emotional value. If the emotional value you get now is less than the emotional stress you face later over not having that money for something else later - it wasn’t worth it.

13

Sr. Olives and I are both 27. Most of what we own was either given to us by family members or sold to us by family members at a discount. Some of it is very nice stuff.

When we married (at 23), we had no furniture except two computer desks–our apartments until then had been furnished by the landlord. After we married, we moved into an unfurnished apartment and my Mom sold a great deal of furniture to us for cheap – a waterbed frame with drawers, a fancy adjustable air mattress, a jewelry cabinet, a wooden bookcase fitted with glass doors, and a heavy wooden television stand.

The couch was his family couch growing up; I just put a slipcover over it. The lamp was also from his family. All of our dishes, pots, pans, glasses, silverware, towels, etc were gifts from the wedding.

Some furniture we bought ourselves out of necessity. When we married we got a wooden kitchen table for half price from World Market. When we moved out of state to a larger place we purchased a black wooden coffee and end table set for $250. We bought two bookcases and just last month I bought two shelving units and a kitchen cart to try to make sense of our terribly small kitchen.

Some of the stuff we have is wonderful and will last forever. Some of it is cheap and won’t last. I imagine we’ll be phasing out the cheaper stuff once we settle down. But that’s not for a few more years.

14

I’m 31 and I moved out into my own house when I was 26.

I just gave it a thought and the only furniture in the house that I purchased myself, after the move, was a second desk/table for my office and six dining room chairs from an outlet store.

I had my own desk and a shelf for my office, headboard and cabinet in my bedroom. All that stuff I’d bought myself for my own room way before I moved.

My dresser is my childhood dresser. My dining room table is one my family passed down from my grandma (it’s not fancy, just useful and easy to store). My coffee table, tv stand and even my lamps are stuff my mom no longer wanted. My couch and side tables are actually donations from my Realtor who was getting new stuff the same time I was moving.

I just had a deck added to the house, and bought $1000 worth of deck furniture (a couch, chairs and table). I realized that I’ve spent MUCH more decorating the outside than the inside!

I still don’t have designs to buy new stuff. If anything, I might get a better couch some day but it’s never been a focus/want/need of mine. Perhaps because I have a dog and let her on the furniture.

I can see that if I got married or someone moved in with me that we might pool our resources and buy furniture that is “ours.” Especially a couch.

15

But Dinsdale just assumes they can’t afford it. But actually, he admits to having no idea what they can afford.

Take out the question of whether they are going into debt. Assume they aren’t. Anything wrong with buying some inexpensive new things (IKEA doesn’t exactly break the bank) just because you prefer them even though it is not the absolute cheapest way to live?

I say no, there is nothing wrong with that.

16

Nope.

I appreciate your opinion. I guess it just really surprised me how much nice “stuff” they have at a relatively young age. Flatscreen TV with surround sound, etc. Especially compared to what I had - and didn’t miss not having.

Everyone gets to make their own decisions, but I think there are significant merits to frugality and developing a savings habit - especially when starting out. You may not know exactly what expenses you will face in the next couple of years, but if you can spend $700 on a couch and want to buy a new cellphone even tho your old one still works, maybe you don’t need as much help from me should you ever get married. :cool:

While I haven’t seen the BF’s tax return, I don’t think it quite accurate to say I have “no idea” what they can afford.

17

And he is also admitting that he doesn’t know. He isn’t assuming, he is hoping they are not. And there isn’t anything wrong with furnishing a house new if you can afford it.

18

My family is very funny about this kind of thing. My fiance and I own a couple of new Ikea-type bookshelves and he has a pull out couch that was new to him about 3 years ago but other than that everything in our apartment is hand me downs. I am 27 and he is 28. My parents are one their 3rd set of new furniture in 10 years, the first because they wanted to own something that was new to them, the second because the first set got destroyed by their two dogs and one cat, and the third set because the second set got destroyed. They have spent more on furniture since I moved out of their house than I’ve spent on cars in my lifetime.

It seems like they were always pretty frugal until about 15 years ago when my dad went on some tirade about how he was, “tired of everything he owned being so shitty” and decided he needed to own new stuff from that point forward. Now they appear to be using their retirement money to furnish their house over and over again.

19

I realized a couple weeks ago that the day-to-day silverware I use is the day-to-day silverware that I have used all of my life. I learned how to use a fork with those very forks, because when I moved out my parents upgraded by giving it to me. I haven’t found a set I really liked better.

My first apartment was furnished with a combination of their stuff and IKEA. When I moved the last time, I got rid of very nearly all of the furniture because it was time. I’ve been looking for living room chairs for a very long time, but I want to be as happy about them as I am about the other furniture and I’ve not found them yet and I know that getting something temporary will mean I don’t look very hard.

I’m in my mid-30s.

20

Why do you think they don’t have a savings habit? As near as I can figure they are paying off educational debt aggressively and have a plan to save for an upcoming expense. Those are both prudent financial decisions.

I am like the least home-fashion conscious woman you will ever meet. I just don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending money along those lines, as an objective matter, as long as they aren’t living above their means, which, as far as you know, they aren’t.

You don’t know what else they are cutting back on to buy a nice TV – maybe they no longer go out the movies. We don’t, ever since we got a projector and home sound system. Its Netflix Ondemand and homemade popcorn all the way. Would it concern you if they went to the movies once a week for the rest of the year? I bet you wouldn’t find that an outrageous expense, and with $25/2 being a rather low estimate of that weekly expense, that’s $1300 after a year and you can buy a hella nice flatscreen + sound system for that money.

My $700 IKEA couch has fully removable, machine washable upholstery. I could have gotten one cheaper at a yard sale (and have, many times)… but then I would have needed a new one each time the cat projectile vomited on it (which has happened at least 4 times in the 4 year-life of the couch). Really my couch is one of my thriftiest purchases, amortized over time and the actual conditions of ownership.

It seems you are inclined to consistently question the judgment of your daughter, which is a shame.