How much optimism is too much?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Last time I started a thread, it was about my depression. It has been a while, but I’ve finally managed to feel better about myself. The past couple of months, I have been taking my antidepressants, going out and trying to be a bit more social, and putting my life into order. It’s hard work, but I’m doing it and I’m proud of myself for doing.

I know that a lot of people here have had personal experiences with depression, and many of you have great advice to give. The advice I need now is how to deal with people… specially one type of people.

Recently, I decided to buy a new laptop. The old one was giving me nothing but frustration, and since I’m not too computer saavy (I know some software stuff, but absolutely nothing about hardware) I enlisted the help of a friend. Said friend has been a friend for about three years. We were quite close at one point, but lately, it seems like all we have left in common is mutual friends and depression.

The depression thing is starting to become an issue because the brain function of a depressed person and the brain function of a “normal” person really differs. I am choosing to be optimistic about things. When Linux didn’t work on my new laptop, I wasn’t too upset… just decided to suck it up and install Windows 2000. However, the friend got very upset and frustrated by not being able to get Linux to work on my new laptop, and became increasing moody as the day progressed.

I tried to keep my mood up with optimism, by saying things like “Oh well, it would have been nice to have Linux, but don’t worry, I’ve been using Microsoft all my life too, so it’s not that big of a deal that I have to use Windows 2000. At least I’m familiar with it!” I find saying things like that keeps my mood up, my depression at bay, and generally, it perks me up knowing that life isn’t as bad as I once thought it was.

He, on the other hand, became pestimistic to the point of accusing me of being in denial, and that I should be as frustrated as he is and that “Linux is being a stupid piece of crap, but Windows is even crappier!”

Now, I know the truth sets you free, but it seems like there is the optimistic version of the truth and the pestimistic version of the truth. I prefer to be optimistic, but it is increasingly hard to deal with people who refuse to see the silver lining in the storm cloud. By the end of the day with him, I found my mood to have dropped significantly, and I’m very unsure on how to deal with those situation. I need social support, but the friends I have now are very negative. I’m not sure what to do about these sorts of things!

2

Once you’ve made the conscious decision to see the bright side of things more often, you really notice the pessimists around you.

I’m not kidding myself, I’m still a pessimist, but I’m learning to fake optimism in hopes that it’ll rub off on me. Part of that involves distancing myself from the negative people in my life. Which means not only people who are specifically negative to me, but also those moody gloomy people who never have anything good to say. If I’m trying to be cheerful, they’ll bring me down, and if I’m down, they’ll take me further down.

It’s hard to do, but I recommend trying to weed those sort of people from your life. If they’re people who are very close to you, or people who you can’t avoid (like co-workers), try talking to them about how you’re trying to be more optimistic about things, and you’d appreciate an effort from them to be more positive around you, to help. Doesn’t always work, but it’s worth a try. A few of my friends are much more careful about their griping and bitching around me, because they know that I’m working hard at recovering from depression, and they want to help. Others haven’t changed at all, but I just try to spend less time with them, or at least less time alone with them. Diluting them with other people helps a lot.

Good luck to you, S & D. It’s a constant effort, but I’m told it gets much easier with time. Keep it up!

3

Based on your name, I don’t think you’re overly optimistic yet.

For many of us, everything Microsoft touches loses some appeal. But you want to find some brighter horizon than computer operating systems to hang your hope on. I think you have the right attitude about getting Linux to work on your laptop - that achievement wouldn’t have been worth the climb for me, either - tell your friend I cut my eyeteeth on JCL and CPM and Z80s and was administering BSD and SVR4 UNIX systems for engineering groups before Linus Torvalds even locked himself in his bedroom, and I said so!

If you can, though, you should try to teach your friend about optimism - he might need you to.

4

Optimism is too much when it becomes denial of reality and instead of spurring you on to try and keep trying, it causes you to chirpily declare that everything is going to be A-OK, without doing anything to make sure that happens.

Whether or not this has happened in your situation, I couldn’t say - I don’t think choice of operating system is a crucial enough matter, in most cases, to warrant the concern.

5

This is the best thread ever!

6

Well, it will be, one day.

7

Listen, it’s all a matter of perspective. It sounds like you have some, and your friend needs some. You have the ability to see that not getting Linux to install is not the end of the world, and he apparently doesn’t. I’ve learned to get perspective, too, because if I hadn’t, my anxiety problems would have driven me over the edge by now.

8

Optimism is too much when you use it as an excuse or use it to shield yourself from reality.

9

“God is in his heaven and all is right with the world”

-Voltaire, and slogan for NERV in the anime Evangelion.

That statement is actually sarcasm on the original philosophic Optimism, and I cant remember but maybe it’s from Candide.

In any case, it’s way too much optimism ^^

10

I would argue that neither optimism nor pessimism is all that wise. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t. All you can ever do is make your best guess and go for it. You won’t always win, you won’t always lose–and so it goes.

The only question is whether you are satisfied that you had enough information upon which to base your decision given the amount of time you had to ponder. If not, then up the amount of research you do and try again. (Rinse and Repeat.) And if you just plain off didn’t have time to ponder and research enough: Not much use beating yourself up over it.

11

This is what I was going to say, except I was also going to mention George Bush.

I’m trying to be more optimistic myself, but I still don’t mind pessimists. I used to be angry and pessimistic about everything. Eventually I figured out that most of the world wouldn’t deal with me because they found me too depressing.

I hated it when people would not talk to me because they were too scared I would ruin their happy little lives. This is why I don’t run away from anyone, especially people who think their lives suck.

12

Since he was doing something to get things A-OK, I would say he wasn’t being overly optimistic at all. His friend, on the other hand, was being way too negative: option A didn’t work, so the whole world sucks worse than the La Brea tar pits.

Hannibal went to plan B the whole time, you know. And plan C, plan D… so long as the plan comes together, who cares what letter it was?

13

When people start calling you Pollyanna, maybe that’s too much optimism. :slight_smile:

Seriously, it doesn’t sound like you’re too optimistic yet. Having a good attitude about how to control a poor situation isn’t really optomistic, it’s healthy and can actually accomplish something. Getting all pissed off doesn’t get you anywhere.

Usually, I just let the friend vent, realizing it’s not directed at me, and try to redirect the venting into some form of activity. Anger can be a great motivator. Just don’t take it personally.

Alternately, you can suggest the same course of medication you’re taking to your "friend. " :stuck_out_tongue:

14

Right on to the poster that made the comment about other negative people dragging you down. My mom suffers from depression and she kicked me out on the 31st of December. I’m living with my grandparents because I would like to finish my degree before I get a full-time job. Anyway the last half of 2006 I noticed that I seemed to feel depressed more so than normal. I kept thinking about how I was going to be kicked out of my house and didn’t know where I was going to stay. That last 6 months felt like I was on the deck of a sinking ship and I was going down with it but couldn’t do anything. My mom kicked me out and I went to live with my grandparents as I said. About a week later I noticed how much happier I felt all the time. I really believe my mother’s negativity was dragging me down and seeping into me. I feel so much more optimistic about the future now than I felt last year.

15

No, it’s from “Pippa Passes” by Robert Browning.

You’re thinking of “Everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds.”