How much should my business parnters know about my condition? [TMI]

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the lowdown.

For some time our group of friends have been talking about starting a business (admittedly, it’s a low-risk online venture), and I have been spearheading the effect. The thing is, long ago, I suffered from anxiety disorder and depression. I have gotten over the mood curve, get onto a hang of things, and believe I can function normally.

However, it seems that recent stress has gotten to me (Final year of my undergraduate studies, having just moved out, a supposedly ‘close friend’ who just disappeared from my life, anxiety over my grades…) and those old problems seem to be surfacing.

Here in my country, such emotional diseases, unfortunately, still have a stigma attached to them (I lose a chance for a scholarship due to my conditions). My therapist’s advice to me always have been “Don’t ask, don’t tell”

Now, however, I am leading a business venture. The people who are risking money, time and opportunities on this – do they need to know? Am I being unethical by hiding from them that I am actually a walking emotional time bomb?

(I going back to see my therapist again for consultation for the first time in many years middle of next week)

Being the anxious type, I begin to see all sort of possibilities

  1. I tell them, they despise me, the business never get started
  2. I don’t tell them, cover-up till one day I collapse, they found out, and they all leave…
  3. I don’t them, cover up for eternity
  4. I tell them, they stay, but they lose trust in me…

Argh, okay, I better stop here.

Any advice would be welcomed!

2

I think you should tell. I don’t think you need to reveal every picky detail. But if you are in an emotionally stressful state for reasons which have nothing to do with your planned business venture, and you feel like a walking emotional time bomb, I think you should get help.

(And how can we destigmatize emotional diseases if the only people known to suffer from them are the ones who are suffering from uncontrolled emotional diseases?)

On the other hand, revealing your past is not without risks, and if your business venture should grow, I don’t think that you would need to reveal your past to all your new buyers, employees, vendors, etc.

But if you feel like a walking emotional time bomb, I think you should take steps to defuse yourself, and part of that may mean saying some form of “I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety disorder in the past. I thought it was under control, but life happens, and right now I’m feeling a little shaky. I’m getting professional help, but I also need some help from you guys. I don’t want to feel responsible for the business venture blowing up in all our faces, if my emotions blow up.”

That’s a first instinct response. I reserve the right to change my opinion later.

3

My first instinct would be not to tell them. If it becomes problematic in your business, then it’s time to sit down and have a chat. But it’s not the type of thing you should come out and talk about unprovoked, IMO.

4

What, in the worst case scenario, could happen? What could you do that would damage the business? Because from where I sit, nothing is that dreadful about your situation. All I could imagine happening is you having a breakdown at a moment when your role is crucial, and you can arrange your business such that you are never the sole responsible for any crucial transaction.

But maybe I’m missing something. So what, realistically, is the potential harm you could cause to the business?

5

As someone who has suffered from anxiety and depression myself, I think there is absolutely no reason to share this kind of information with people you will have a business relationship with. That you even wonder if you should says to me you buy into the stigma attached to it in your locale.
There are damn good reasons to keep some things to yourself. If YOU believe you can function normally, and have done so, don’t be stupid and blab on yourself. Be assured, as soon as these friends know, ALL your friends will know. Other people are not entitled to know everything that does on inside your head. Not to get all Johnnie Cohran, but the urge to confess is one to suppress

6

The odds that the venture will collapse are near 100% if you tell your friends what you are telling us. Or maybe they’ll try yo cut you out and continue without you.

This is what your friends will hear, even if this isn’t what you say: “I’m afraid I will crack up if this business gets stressful. Or if anything else in my life gets stressful. I’ve noticed signs of it already.”

I can’t tell you what is right here – it seems to me if you “confess”, and the deal crashes, the experience might be one that leads you right where you fear to go.

However I can tell you that you have no obligation to share your doubts and fears related to your own personality.

It seems to me you have to commit to this venture absolutely, or drop it. How can any of us judge whether these thoughts of yours are just jitters you’ll be avke to put aside, or precursers to a deperssion spiral that will paralyse you?

Going back to your therapist is a good idea.

Also, I agree with Quiddity Glomfuster, you should think about operational schemes that minimize your direct participation in the acivities you find most stressful. If the fear is something more generalized like about being “responsible” for everything, then plan to have a very inclusive decision-making process.

7

Do you really need to add more stress to your life right now? Anxiety is a way the person with anxiety disorder deals with stress, and if you notice your anxiety is already ramping up, that is the time to reduce stress, not add to it.

8

I seem to recall during my days taking paralegal courses that failing to disclose something like this before the business venture begins, should it lead to the failure of the business, cause you to be liable for your partners’ losses. It’s been a long time since classes, though, but it might still be worth a consultation with a lawyer.

9

That may well be the case – and if it is, how fucked up is that? Are your partners required to tell you about their high blood pressure, cholesterol levels, etc? So, OK, consult a lawyer. What if one of your parters has rheumatoid arthritis? It’s mostly under control through medication, but stress is one of the factors that can trigger debilitating flare-ups.

Talk to your therapist. We anxious/depressed folks tend to “awfulize,” and we imagine that every bad outcome is our fault.

10

I’ve found it best not to tell my colleagues about my depression - I was upfront about it in a previous workplace, and found that I completely lost credibility and it was eventually used against me by a bully. I agree about the “don’t ask, don’t tell” strategy.

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

11

I think only you know what the right answer here is, as you know the most about what response you are likely to have to any future breakdown - do you become unreliable, irrational, incapable of making a decision etc? Not to say any of these may happen, but it is important that you be honest with yourself about the business risks your condition may cause. And based on this, would it be reasonable for others in your business (who are risking money based in part on your actions) to be concerned about your role in the business.

I think a business partnership requires a much higher level of trust and disclosure than a simple employer/employee relationship, and full disclosure is both fair and necessary. This allows both partners to decide if they are comfortable with the risks involved. I don’t think it’s fair for you to make the decision on behalf of your partners that your depression is of no risk or is irrelevant.

Sometimes the right decision is the hardest, and I think you should disclose. I know I’d want my business partner to be as honest with me.

12

My advice is to cover your ass:
Put ideas, concepts and day-to-day tasks on paper.
Get an assistant.
Put the entire worst-case-scenario in terms of you have a terminal disease - in other words, what would you do if you had terminal cancer, or a brain tumor or whatever?
You would prepare for the worst.

Do that, and shut up.

If things start to go bad for you, step back, hand over the paperwork, and relax until you feel better.

You are not the only person on earth who might not be able to see a project to completion.

13

It sounds to me as if you have enough on your plate without trying to start a business.

Relax, finish your undergraduate degree, get your priorities sorted out.

People who have never had a crackup before, get stressed out in their final year.
If you are the one ‘leading the project’ then pull back a bit, gently let it wither.

14

Try this idea: Starting a business, even a sucessful, low risk, small one, is one of the most srtressful things an ordinary person will ever do. Been there, done that, more than once & have the gray hair to prove it.

So you need to decide 1) what are the odds I will suffer adverse health consequences that I’d rather avoid. 2) What are the odds the business will suffer greatly / fail if I have to drop out at an awkward time, when the going gets especially tough.

Seems to me that if you are spearheading this thing, the odds of 2 happening are large. At which point you lose your investment of time, effort,and money and you suffer health problems for no benefit.

If that’s the future, why even start? The future is not as predictable as all that, but you can think about 1 & 2 for various scenaros & see how it plays out.

Other thoughts:

You don’t have to tell your friends why you don’t want to be the leader of their venture; you just have to tell than that you won’t do it. Particularly with what you’ve told us of your local culture I would suggest the very last thing you should do is share the reasons with any of them. People are funny & best friends can turn into major problems when you disappoint their expectations. Don’t give them ammo to hurt you with; one of them will use it.

Maybe you can participate in a different role, or maybe you just need to go for the relative simplicity & security of a job in your field versus entreprenuership. It isn’t for everybody.

15

Hi all, thanks for the advice ! I have been carefully evaluating the situation and thinking through stuff; it’s just that it’s hard to keep it all to myself at the moment and sometimes I felt I need someone to talk to, and there is no one.

Why am I heaping more stress upon myself? Well, I thought I was well, which is why I started it,then after a series of Unfortunate Incidents, I feel the Mood returning. The other partners have already contributed significant time and effort, and we happened to be friends too, so I felt I would be letting them down.

But yes, I think even if I don’t tell them the whole story, I could probably find way to unload burdens off my shoulders and delegate more responsibility, or just go slower for the time being, or see what my therapist says.

Thanks for putting things into different perspective, everyone. More are welcomed! :slight_smile:

16

Like I said earlier, people with a tendency towards anxiety/depression react to stress by getting anxious/depressed. In a way, that’s a good thing - you’ve got a built-in system that is telling you, in no uncertain terms, this is too much - ease off already. I can pretty much guarantee that your therapist will tell you to go slower for the time being, and unload some burdens off your shoulders. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, you know. Take your time and make sure you enjoy it over the long haul.