I’m sure it did suck to YOU, but as a guy who has never, ever, ever even once been remotely “objectified” by a woman like that, I can’t muster too much sympathy.
It would be nice to be treated like a piece of meat a few times per year.
edit: Meaning, by a stranger and not someone in a relationship. Also I remember one time when working at Trader Joe’s an older lady told me she was so " bad" and she could slap me and I could slap her back, or words along those lines. She was definitely treating me like a younger piece of meat which was cool, but it was weird and awkward because she was not at all hot (and I LIKE older women/MILF types). It would have been awesome if a more attractive woman had said it though.
Trust me when I say it’s not as great as it sounds. Of course, as a guy it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to come across this in anything remotely like what women deal with. When guys catcall or walk behind you and talk loud enough for you to hear, they aren’t doing it to give you a compliment. It’s actually aggressive, and meant to make you uncomfortable and throw you off guard. And when you don’t acknowledge the jackasses they get offended, call you a bitch, say something like, “Oh, you’re too good to talk to me?” etc. I learned a long time ago how to handle myself with assholes like that, but it catches a lot of women off guard, and their embarassment and awkward or unsure reaction just plays right into what these guys are all about.
It probably sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I promise you I’m actually understating it. It’s a bizarre world for women, and being attractive is very much a double edged sword.
Sorry, by my previous post I definitely gave the wrong impression. I totally understand that for most women, it is probably annoying 9 times out of 10 to be hit on. Either because you find the guy completely unattractive, or because the approach is catcalling or whatever gross way like the guys in the store.
And if the choices were “Be hit on by ugmo or people saying crude things 9 times a month with one nice time a month” and my situation “Maybe once a year and almost never be by any girl who is remotely attractive” (my situation), I would still choose my current situation.
Thinking right now, at a concert while I was playing with a friend’s cute young kids (the most effective girl magnet known to mankind), an attractive girl was overtly flirting with me asking me which t-shirt she should buy…this and one other instance are the only time that come to mind my entire post-pubescent life where an even decent looking female overtly hit on me.
That being said I wish more women had more sympathy for the 90% of guys who are rarely if ever hit on and have to do ALL of the work to get a woman or else be alone your entire life.
As Shagnasty mentioned, this poll’s choices leave out in the cold those of us who suffer from Signal Obliviousness Disorder. Seeing someone give me “the look”? What look? There’s a look?:smack: When were they going to tell me?
In my single days, I rarely made the first move or overtly hit on a guy. I flirted, and used body language to get a guy’s attention, but I didn’t typically use any pick up lines or shit like that. However, once a guy I was interested in initiated, it was on and the rest fells into place. So beyond that first move on his part, I don’t think the “work” is that one-sided.
I’m 26. The “first move” is the one that takes the courage. After you’ve already been hit on, the other party already expressed interest so you have nothing to be embarrassed about by expressing interest back. It doesn’t count as “hitting on” someone who has already expressed interest in you, it’s just flirting back at that point.
All the risk is in the first move because you don’t know whether you will get rejected or not.
Also it speaks volumes about the “work” required that a guy who does not initiate will almost assuredly die alone, and a girl that never initiates ever will almost assuredly not.
edited again: The above sounds a bit more bitter than I meant it to. I am in a good relationship already, but I think it would be better for both sexes if women initiated more often. If I have a son I will encourage him to have the courage to approach girls, if only to guarantee he will be able to pass on my genetic lineage.
I guess I see your point – it seems to me, though, that if you are talking with a woman, and she’s got a choice of places to be or other people to talk with at that very moment, that’s already a pretty strong statement there. From there, yeah, it does seem most women really aren’t going to say, “Let’s you and me go do something.” Probably seems kind of mannish, I guess. But if the conversation is already going, at that point it doesn’t really matter who drops in a little invite, from the practical goal of “getting romance” or whatever.
I’m not seeing how a real leap of courage is needed – just basically giving a crap about going through the whole “Is she going to want breakfast?” “Is she going to bring a bunch of her fugly friends along as buffers?” “Is it worth the trouble when I can just go home, jerk off, and do some laundry instead of going out to someplace potentially objectionable?” I confess I don’t give a shit at this point, so maybe my perspective is skewed, but the alpha and omega is really just being comfortable talking about whatever with this person, if she’s a hottie, or just a cool person from whom one can learn more about the perspective of at least a few women in whatever particular scene you find yourself.
It’s a good gift from you to find opportunities for your son to be comfortable speaking with women in general, without ulterior motives – I’m guessing the lack of basic ability to relate and feel compassion is at the core of those whole pick-up artist things and such, which is too bad for them, because not interacting with half the population casually and with a genuine affection which transcends all the sexual stuff seems a very limiting way to live one’s life.
But, having thought more about it, I recall once having a very tall and well built black man state that I had a nice ass. Not really sure what was going on, I thanked him, while in my head something like this rolled around: “why yes, it is a great ass.”
He was with a woman, so I think I just shrugged it off (I was filling shelves for work at the time).
It happens a lot less now that I’m at the 1/2 century mark
I’ve always had long, long hair and that seems to be a guy magnet. Up until a few years ago I was also pretty lean (like 5’6" and 125 lbs) and am pretty fit and athletic. In my 20s to 40s I’s get hit on once every couple of months, now it might be once a year… ah well.
I said “once a year or so,” but I figure that’s sort of an average. When my hair was shoulder length, I’d get shit yelled out of cars. But now that it’s about an inch long? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I love it.
A few times in college, but it was mostly because I was one of the few female members of a club that was primarily male. I made a lot of good male friends through a combination of the fact that I was clueless that they were actually hitting on me, and blundering into a way to gently deflect them once I did. I much preferred being “one of the guys.” I did end up marrying one of them, though, and we’re still together 22 years later.
I don’t get hit on now and that doesn’t bother me. Not really into that anyway.
Once a month or so. I don’t really go to that many places where being hit on is likely, but it happens basically whenever I go to a pub or social event where not everyone knows I’m gay.
The last couple of times I’ve gone to a busy pub, I’ve had a truly bizarre number of men making passes at me - far more than, say, five years ago. A couple of months ago, I ended up with three beers at once, two bought for me by random men that I hadn’t even been talking to at all. I look OK, but I’m not stunningly gorgeous; maybe men see me as atractive enough to hit on but also ordinary enough that they might be in with a chance.
Workmen (at my house) almost always make serious passes at me - apparently I have sexy furniture - and then there’s the occasional random guy on the street making comments, if that counts. One recentish one was funny: while I out walking the dog, a boy young enough to be my son looked me up and down and said ‘sexy bitch,’ then, trying to be witty, added ‘and your dog’s not bad either.’ Dude, you just said you’re attracted to my dog.
What look? There’s a look?:smack: When were they going to tell me?
