All the women i know tell me that they don’t like being hit on or have guys try to pick them up. My question is why? i’m male, and if women tried to pick me up or hit on me daily i wouldn’t complain about it. I am confused. Does it make you feel cheap? does it make it hard to do other things? Does it make you arrogant?
Well, where are you from? Differences in culture could affect the answer to this question.
If, lets say, your American it may be because the mass media portrays people who hit on girls or try to pick them up as shallow and only trying to get into their pants. I dunno. Why don’t you ask the women who tell you they don’t like being hit on? They may have their own reasons that no one can really generalize about like bad past experiences.
Yes, the OP asks an excellent question. They are female…being hit on or asked out is a fact of life. I mean, what do they want…a guy to send them a message in a bottle? A secret message in a fortune cookie? A smoke signal? - Jinx
Chris Rock said it best, and I will now ridiculously paraphrase from memory:
“Every woman in here knows, since you were thirteen every man has tried to fuck you. It’d be: ‘Nice to meet you, you want some dick?’”
Thats kinda what one of the women i talked to said, that all they wanted was sex. But she said it was also because they were unoriginal.
Because we aren’t interested in 99% of the men who try to pick us up and it creates an uncomfortable situation for us: either they’re nice guys and you have to hurt their feelings, or they’re not-nice guys and they just kind of harass you.
I think you would be annoyed if women did this constantly, if you were not interested in these women.
They are lying.
It depends how they go about it. Most of them are so ridiculously simplistic about it, it’s just sad. If a guy came up to me and tried to start an actual conversation with actual content, I probably wouldn’t mind. And even though 99% of guys don’t interest me in the slightest (I’m a rather idiosyncratic person, and I’m not into casual flings; I actually have to feel there’s some chance of me liking a guy in order to go out with him, let alone anything physical), I’ll gladly and politely chat until I’ve ruled him out.
However, the casual pickup for me lately has been more along the lines of complete stranger following me home from the train, desperately trying to convince me to go for a drink before he even knows my name or anything else about me. Then there are the ones who make lewd anatomical comments. What do they think, that I’ll say “Oh, I’m so overwhelmingly glad you noticed the size of my breasts, let’s go back to your place and screw like minks now”? I mean come on, have some sense!
Hey, if women want equal rights, they should be doing equal amounts of the pickups, too.
<goes back to being terrified of rejection>
Personally, I find men’s attempts at “pick ups” hilarious. Live by the penis, die by the penis, guys.
If you can’t talk to me without being rude or lewd or just stupid, don’t bother.
Nope not rejection, it’s basically a lack of necessity, with all these guys trying to pick us up, we get to chose instead of having to try and think of cheesy lines to start a “conversaton”
Basically it’s like this - I think women tend to want to know something about a guy before they jump in the sack with him, not all men of course but the majority of the sleeze balls trying to pick us up couldn’t care less as long as I don’t have aids, am not an axe murderer, or won’t become some Fatal Attraction type stalker.
I prefer to spend romantic time with men I have kknown as a friend or at least an acquaintance before going out with them. You can tell if there is any chemestry or if I think he’s a total dweeb. I absolutely do not want to waste an evening or even an hour with someone who I look at my watch and wish I was doing my laundry.
I have a guy friend that told me once “guys allways want to f&*^ their female friends - at least the cute ones and maybe some of the not so cute ones” Don’t know if this is true or not ut it seemed a part of the psyche of the whole conversation.
Really… i think some women are lying and exaggerating.
If they get all dressed up for a girls night out on the town and NO MAN gives them the time of day, they would be MAD!
they want the attention… just purely on their own terms.
for me… i don’t mind “being hit on” or whatever… but i tend to really get sad, if i have what i think is a solid friendship with a male… then he puts the moves on.
makes me question my friendship with him. like… did he have romanitc intentions all along? if so, why not just start off that way? not try to come in through the back door… pretending to be the friend.
I’m considered “just one of the guys”…then when i least expect it…they attempt to get physical.
I think some women enjoy attemps from men to get to know them better, some men don’t like women picking them up either.
Off to IMHO.
I don’t mind if I’m attracted to the guy, but if I’m not attracted, I really hate it.
This would be so depressing if I were still single. What was that other thread I saw, about the “99 No’s”?
Years ago when I was still single I got hit on while riding the commute train home. I was seated next to a female coworker who happened to be taking the same train as I was. Seated directly across from me was a total stranger who immediately started hitting on me. I hated it because the things he said to me were totally inappropriate. He commented on my physical anatomy and started going on and on and just wouldn’t shut up! I was too shocked to say anything. Since my stop was coming up in about three minutes, I just sat there, then got up to leave when the train pulled up to my stop.
Considering that I was dressed conservatively in a burgundy herringbone knee-length skirted suit, pantyhose and low-heel pumps, I was surprised to be hit on in such a manner. It wasn’t like I was dressed like some slut trying to attract attention. (Yes, I remember what I wore that day because it’s etched in my memory.)
The next day at work my coworker filled me in on what happened after I left the train. “Your face just kept getting redder and redder! I thought you were going to hit him!” she laughed when she talked to me at work. She told me the passengers who were seated nearby within hearing range apparently were amused because a couple of women seated directly behind that moron were doing their best to keep from laughing out loud, and a gentleman across the aisle was doing likewise.
Yes, it depends on how it’s done. I totally hated it when that moron hit on me and made me very uncomfortable.
The Calculus of Logic:
Given your language (“picked up”, “hit on”), my guess is that your frustration has something to do with some combination of your attitude, appearance, or approach. For instance, if you compare going out to meet a girl as a hunt, chances are they’ll feel like prey.
Remember what the Fun Boy Three says:
It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it.
It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it.
It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it.
And that’s what gets results.
Really? My experience(As a guy) is that if you start out being friends with a woman for whatever reason you will never even get a chance to date her later on.(You get quickly stuck in the friend zone for not being “Brave enough” to just ask her out in the first place. Of course it’s doublely terrible if you actually simply intended to be friends in the first place but your feelings changed.)
As for what your guy friend said, well umm:D
Because I don’t want to go out with men. You’d be surprised how many have difficulty with that simple concept.