Okay, I have sussed one thing in all my experience with women (yeah, that’s about it). Women (I’m not really sure whether I should put here “unlike men” or not) generally do NOT like being picked up. They appreciate a more random meeting - a chance event that led them to a stranger, or meeting through mutual friends/hobbies etc.
This could occur at work/school/college/organisation/event etc.
Whenever you meet a woman who met her man through a dating agency, you always notice she will try and cover up (to the absolute extreme) the fact that they met somewhere that everyone goes to meet people (the dating agency being one example). I generally haven’t seen the guys I know (that met this way) do the same.
They (women) generally would rather say they met at a bookstore/the libarary/supermarket etc.
So, women of this board (and men who will oblige), where is your prefered meeting place? Would you rather meet (or have met) your SO through coincidence, or through a function designed for that purpose (e.g. party)? And does it bother you which?
Why do you have a preference one way over the other?
women will be happy to admit to “pick-ups” and being “desperate” enough to use dating agencies when the terms OLD MAID and SPINSTER disappear from the english language.
it’s not so much the romance issue, more that no woman likes to think of herself as a bridget jones type with a biological clock ticking and all her options running out.
I think a lot of folks get their ideas about love and romance from movies and books.
One of the hallmarks of formula plot true love is FATE… you are MEANT to be together. This is why chance meetings are so “romantic.” They imply that the UNIVERSE thought the two of you should be together.
To resort to personals, dating services, singles events etc. seems sort of like cheating to this mindset.
I really think that is the main reason women prefer to have a “cute meet.” It makes a better personal narrative.
I feel the irresistible urge to divulge that I first encountered my husband as one of a group of guys yelling at me out of a window because my shoelaces didn’t match. Now that’s a meeting of soulmates!
Personally, I don’t understand the difference from being “picked up” and having met at a coffee shop/bookstore/etc. I mean, what do you think happened when they met at X location?
I don’t know that the location matters much (at least for me), as long as it doesn’t involve sleasy pick-up lines. They’re embarrassing and make me wary.
Also, if you meet someone in, say, a class or a book-club, you already have something in common, besids just being single. Gives you something to talk about, while you’re all jittery and nervous.
My parents met when my dad was working under his car and spied my mom’s perfect little legs walking by. He scooted out and oozed the now-legendary line, “Excuse me…I’m lost and I can’t find my way to your apartment.” My mom tittered, they went to the A&W, and almost 35 years later, the rest is history. Pickup or not, I think it’s a great story.
I met my SO through a mutual friend. Not nearly as funny, but like porc said, doesn’t matter where or how, just that I did.
In my experience, friends of friends (or of roommates, etc) lead to the most lasting relationships (including my own). You always have something to talk about, it’s less stressful to call them up out of the blue, and you have some sort of reference as to their character. The only times I have ever been ‘picked up’ (ie went out with someone I didn’t know before we went out) it was disasterous.
And yes, I echo the question: what’s the difference between being ‘picked up’ and meeting through mutual interests? Intent (‘I’m going to find someone tonight!’)?
Definitely!! Must be through friends or some other casual acquaintance. Maybe someone I see around a lot. If it is a fix up, blind date, or anything else it puts too mcuh pressure on me to decide if I like him or not. I’d rather be around him a while before I form an opinion. If it works out, it doesn’t really matter but I can’t get past that initial apprehension of “what if I go out with him and don’t like him” or “what if he likes me and I don’tlike him” I don’t know how to handle those kinds of situations so I just avoid. If I get to know him casually then I never really have to address that.
Not necessarily. Some of us actually do things that interest us (Sports club/Society etc.) because they actually interest us. We are not necessarily expecting to get “lucky” tonight - we may meet someone on the way but it will be by chance. This is unlike a club scenario (or a date), where it is usually openly understood that people are gonna hook up and get it on tonight.
If you don’t understand, I think mipiace says it best:
This I can understand, and really when you think about it, makes perfect sense.
I met my wife in a bar. (She claims it was love at first sight. I think she just wanted to get away from this friend of hers that wanted to be more.) I don’t think she’s ever been embarrassed about it. Of course, it was while we were in college, so perhaps the same stigma is not attached, and we did not “get it on” that night. We just ended up talking for hours and setting up a date.
Xavier, I think you and cowgirl agree. Or, one of us misread what she wrote. I personally don’t think interest groups are the best places to meet. How many couples really share their major hobbies? All the woodworkers I know our guys; all the knitters I know are women, yet all of both are happily married.
