As I get older, the desire to enter into a serious relationship grows. Yet, as I get older, I get more removed from the social circles that allow for meeting eligible women. When I was in school, it was easy to find the women (not necessarily easier to date them, I should add, but I digress): we all were in the same classes. Now that I’m in the professional world, the only women I interact with regularly are at work (where my last two relationships originated). But, for a lot of reasons, dating at work is not a good idea.
So, I’m kind of at a loss, and I’m interested to know where you, esteemed Doper, met your SO (or any old flame you want to remark about). Is it really just a matter of striking up conversation while in the checkout line at the grocery store? Do I need to lean on my friends to introduce me to “friends of a friend”? In this day and age, is the internet the best way to go? How did you do it?
It won’t help you, but Brainiac4 and I met at his Senior Prom…were friends for eleven years, then started dating, shacked up, got engaged and got married in a relatively short time frame. So if our life is any guide, do you have a friend you like…?
Whether this helps or not, I met my wife in church. But keep in mind that I did not join a church in order to meet women, but because I wanted to belong to a church.
The reason I mention is that it seems to be easier to meet people with whom you have interests in common if you pursue those interests out of a genuine interest. It is part of the “not putting up a false face” part that avoids later conflicts. It is certainly important to get yourself out there, and make it clear that you are interested in pursuing relationships, but it works out better in the long run if you can cast your net in waters where there is a greater likelihood of finding common ground, not merely because you think it is a good place to meet potential partners.
FWIW. I have not needed to find a new partner for almost thirty years now, so maybe things have changed.
I met my husband through an internet dating site. Married six years come August. I recommend it to every single person who is looking for a relationship - I called it “concentrated dating” back when I was actively looking. I had met people through bars (drunken hook-ups rarely turn into relationships, unsurprisingly, and you outgrow bars at some point), work (no one ever got up the nerve to ask anyone else out, me or the men), friends (nothing there), I didn’t go to church; where else was I going to meet a worthy dude? I figured he wasn’t just going to come knock on my door while I was lying on the couch watching tv, so I set out to find him. And I did.
We met on OKCupid, one of the free dating sites. I’d been playing around with that site for a few months, and about six months on Match.com. Had met a few potentials but nothing that panned out after a couple of IRL dates. He was newer to online dating, had crafted a great profile but hadn’t yet initiated contact with anyone.
I flirted, he answered, we began emailing daily and then phoning nightly and our first live date was six weeks after first contact. We’ve been together since, just over two years.
Should you decide to go that route, there are a ton of threads on here with plenty of horror stories but also plenty of testimonials. Read a few of them to get a feel of how to write a decent profile, the email to response ratio, what type of pictures work best, etc.
She came up to Cambridge to visit a friend of hers from the music class they went to in about 9th grade. This was during our January IAP, when we could go to seminars but basically were in college with no classes, so we had lots of time. My friend, who I had kind of gone out with the summer before, had dragged me to a Gilbert and Sullivan she was playing out, so I decided to rescue my future wife from it by asking her to go ice skating. I arranged to fall so she could take my hand, and that was it.
Online in a MUSH. We talked online for about 9 months, then he visited for three months then a year after that he moved over here and we got married in January of the following year.
The old friend of a friend route. She was directing my friend Irene in a production of The Tempest. I think the first time we actually talked was at a cast party, where her hair caught on fire. We got a little friendlier a few months later, when it looked like I was going to take Irene’s place in their apartment. She invited me to a friend’s birthday party so we could get to know each other better - and we did, since I found I couldn’t talk to anyone else there. She and I tried to make some brownies together for the birthday guy, and it was a total trainwreck. What we pulled out of the oven was something like cold brown concrete sludge, with an eggy aftertaste. But we felt a connection and had fun, and we went on our first date about a month later.
Online, in Yahoo chat.
It was Nov. 2002 and I had just seen the movie Signs with my friend, and I was too freaked out to fall asleep. I decided to stay up until 3 am and try to do anything that would keep me awake. The usual TV and doodling and games gave way to cruising the chat rooms (something I hadn’t done in years) and I came across one guy that was talking about Family Guy and Toejam and Earl, and we just hit it off. We kept chatting for hours on end after that, which led to using phones (I racked up a pretty decent phone bill that summer!) and 1 1/2 years after that November night we decided to meet up. It’s been almost 4 years since our first face-to-face encounter and we’ve spent so much time with each other that being apart doesn’t even feel bad; I’m doing better in my relationship than most of my friends are with their SOs that they see on a daily basis. But then again, maybe things will change once I’m living with him for more than 2 months at a time. We’ll find that part out this summer.
Same here. I didn’t like the local guys they were matching me with, so I clicked on “global search” for fun, and there he was at the top of the list. I flirted, he responded, we met 6 months later and kept up a long-distance relationship until I was able to get a work visa and leave Montreal for Maryland.
I like that I met him online, because I had a chance to read his profile and get to know him, and the site had already checked that our values and likes were similar, so I more or less knew we’d at least be able to get along as friends. The chemistry was a lucky bonus, and now we’re a few months from the three-year mark.
I agree, it is a very bad idea to date anyone you work with. I remember the last person I thought about dating at work. All the women at work liked her. A lot more than they liked me. If we went out and it didn’t work out I would have had to quit and find another job. Bad idea.
We’ve been together for 14 years and married for more than 8.
And I didn’t even go there looking for a match. A doper had asked for comments on their profile so I wandered in to take a look, couldn’t find any way to get to their profile without signing up. It was free. I did. There she was and here we are!
I actually met him while I was dating someone else. I did not know him very well but I was sort of surprised at his sensitive personality. I know bartenders have a great ear but a lot of it is blah blah blah. He was not the gossip type and seemed to really care if a patron was having a rough day.
It was over a year later that I actually saw him at different bar and the rumor was that a girl he had hooked up with had played him for a fool. I knew the girl and it was no shocker to me. I just mentioned if he wanted to talk or grab a drink later to call me.
Well he did call and here we are two an half years later.
