About a month or two ago, I enlisted my friend Lil to try and find a girl or two to set me up with over the summer. She is in a sorority at the college near my home, and is a fairly outgoing person, so she has a lot of connections. Since I’ll be back there for the summer I figure it’s worth a shot, seeing as how I don’t currently have any prospects on the horizon. Also, as part of Drexel’s co-op program, I will be working with an actual company in my field (computer science) for the fall and winter, which means no classes and no chances to meet anyone new til next spring at the earliest.
That’s too long a wait. Just thinking about that now, and how it’s a year away…I don’t want to go through this for another year. So I’m placing my romantic life and hopes into the hands of my best friend. I only hope she knows some people. But I have some concerns.
I’m extremely shy, so rather than blind dates, should I ask to have it set up where I would be doubling with the girl Lil is setting me up with but also have her and Paul (her boyfriend and also my best friend) there so that things don’t get dull? Or should I bite the bullet and try to force myself to keep conversation with a stranger for the duration of a date?
Blah, I don’t know why I felt the need to ask this NOW. I still have eight weeks of classes left (Drexel has quarters, not semesters, so I go until June 12th), and I don’t even know if she’s going to find anyone anyway.
i say you bite the bullet and try to keep conversation going the whole time, that way you will have lots to take about, and just remember if you dont like the girl you never have to see her again.
i know a few couples that have been together for a long time.
I didn’t exactly set up my two best friends (with other people, not each other). I did convince one of them to keep dating a guy she wasn’t overwhelmingly interested in (my exact words were “he’s kind of hot; sleep with him once, then dump him”). He had a little performance anxiety and by the time he got over that they were solidly a couple. They’re now married although they may be splitting up; it’s sort of up in the air. They both know that if they weren’t married they’d be broken up by now. The other friend had me act as a go-between for her with a third friend (who actually used to be involved with the first friend) to see if he was available and interested. Yes to both questions and they’re now married. To repay this favor between the two of them they’ve attempted to set me up once each. One of their prospective setups I met independently online and, no; the other I met in a group-type setting and was interested in seeing again except unbeknownst to any of us he was nursing a big ol’ unrequited crush which the person who went along with my friend and me hoped would be shaken up by his meeting someone who wa actually available and potentially interested. It wasn’t.
So to sum up, fix-ups work just fine 100% of the time. For other people.
I’ve been set up a few times, and found it works pretty well. But if I’m set up with somebody, I don’t do a blind date, it’s always slightly unofficial, like, hey, why don’t single you and single guy go out with three couples who are all friends? I find that to be the most comfortable, actually. If it sucks, at least you can talk to your friends.
As far as I’m concerned, setups don’t work at all. I know I’m bitter, jaded and cynical as hell when it comes to dating, but I’ve had too many failures, rejections and disappointments from setups to feel the least bit confident about them. The pressure to try to make a good impression and to start and keep a good conversaton going is much too overwhelming for me. While my friends had good intentions and thought I’d hit it off well with some girl they knew, things never worked out that way in the end. Any time there seemed to be a good match right off the top, the relationship would soon fizzle out and collapse. I’ve never dated anyone for more than a couple months from a setup.
I set my brother up with a girl I rowed with and they just got married three weeks ago! And, truthfully, my only criteria was that they both had dogs. I think it really depends a lot on the people you set up. My brother dated a lot of different girls and is pretty easy going and open-minded. His now wife also had a lot of dating experience. Me, I dont’ date much. And everytime I’ve been casually introduced to someone that a friend thought would suit me, I find they’re completely off the mark. I dont’ think I’m nearly as open to dating different types of people (Republicans, for instance) as others are…
I think it’s less the outgoingness than the open-mindedness. If your parameters are really narrow, a set-up won’t work. But, if you’re open to meeting a nice girl and truly interested in getting to know her better as a person (I can’t stress this enough, it’s obvious when a guy is not really interested in talking and just wants to hear himself talk) and not just finding a “girlfriend”, you’ll probably have a lot more luck.
