On the other side of the spectrum, the only time my husband has said he loved me was when it was in the marrige vows, and I think the only reason he said it then was because it would have confused to little old Judge who married us if he left it out. And it isn’t that he isn’t demonstrative: he’s affectionate and I’ve never doubted his admiration, compassion, and respect for me. But he doesn’t like the phrase, and he thinks the word itself has been diluted to meaninglessness, as people now “love” everything from movies to nailpolish to food.
I don’t agree, and say it to him several times a day. I don’t think it means nearly as much to him as my actions do, but, as I have explained to him, I need to say it regardless of whether or not he needs to hear it. It certainly doesn’t bother him to hear it.
We’ve been together seven years now, married four. I’m happier with my relationship than I ever thought any human being could be.
So while there is nothing wrong with the phrase, it isn’t vital for a happy relationship, and certainly no reason to feel sorry for someone.
No Idea how many times a Day – 20X not really unusual - But we each have ‘a special way’ of saying “I Love You” that conveys a confirmed feeling that we really mean it – don’t ever want to take the chance that we get numb to the phrase or don’t hear the feeling in the words …
“Honey, how many years now?” ( :wally Typical man …)
Hmm…never counted, but I’d put it at about 20-30 times a day. Yes, we do have a few folks who roll their eyes at us for saying it that much, but “too bad for them” is my thought. I love my wife more than anything imaginable, and I like for her to know that.
We’ve been together 4 1/2 - 5 years. We end pretty much every phoen conversation with “I love you”, and whenever one of us leaves the house it gets tacked on, too. My favourite,t hough, is when, for example, I’m reading and he’s on the computer, I’ll yell from the other room: “Hey Scott!” “Yeah?” “I love you!”
So obviously our count varies as we have wacky schedules, but I’d say anywhere form 3-20 times per day.
This is pretty much how it is between me and MaxBabe. Sometimes I feel like I don’t tell her enough. I think it’s important to make an effort - I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking her for granted.
We’ve been together about 18 months. We’re as married as we’re ever going to get
I’m in a long distance relationship, when we’re together we’ll say it about 5 to 8 times a day. When we’re not together we say it once or twice when we speak on the phone.
I keep seein’ things like “… we disgust our friends …” and “…few folks who roll their eyes at us for saying it …” and such.
I say, “Ignore 'em …”
In support of that advice I offer the following “Words of Wisdom” – Don’t know who originated this, so I can’t cite – however, I think it says it all:
To all who understand, no explanation is necessary …
To all who don’t, no explanation will ever help.
So jus’ keep on huggin’ an’ kissin’ an’ expressing your love … in a few decades you’ll both look back and see what a difference it made.
(Of the 23 Couples we know who married within the year before or after my wife and I married, only 3 are still together. Guess what we all have in common!!!)
Himself (my bf) and I say it all the time. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now, and we say it before I leave for work, before we go to bed, and during the day more times than I can count. Always at the end of phone calls.
Sometimes we write each other notes or private LJ posts. We still hold hands a lot and kiss frequently. There’s a commercial out I’ve seen around here that has this younger couple walking down a trail in a park, and coming up on an old couple who are holding hands. As the younger couple go around the outside of the couple, they rejoin on the path & hold hands themselves.
Every so often when we see this, we kiss & ask if we’ll still be that goofy when we’re that age. (We’re currently 35 & 37.) The consensus is usually “yes.”
I agree with your little ‘explanation’ piece.
OTOH, all but one of our close couples friends, people we’ve known for more than 25 years, have now divorced. (Its actually been a rather surprising and sad couple of years in our little crowd.)
We, the two who do not say “I Love You” all that much, are still going strong.
I respect and applaud those who share those words daily, but some of us just say it once a month or so and still have healthy relationships.
Fairly often - getting off the phone at work, emails during the day, ALWAYS before I go to bed (I always go before him), whenever we’re feeling lovey. We’re not into PDA - we rarely hold hands in public - but we aren’t shy with the I love yous.
We’ve been together for a little over two years and married 4 1/2 months. (Yeah, we went a little fast compared to my friends…).
My husband and I have been together almost five years, and married almost a year. I’ve never counted how many times I say “I love you” to my husband, but it’s probably at least eight times a day. We don’t say I love you over the phone when he’s at work, and we don’t use pet names if we’re in front of other people (my husband thinks saying our pet names for each other in front of others makes those names somehow less special - less ours - I don’t really mind, but I respect his wishes). Still, I don’t think you’re weird at all. Hell, sometimes I say I love you to some of my really close friends. Maybe that’s weird - I don’t know.
