I’m a very affectionate person. I love hugs, kisses, cuddling, and walking arm-in-arm. I also try to tell people how I feel about them, and if I love you, I’m not shy about expressing it. Some of my friends are more effusive than others, which is fine.
Today I was talking to my friend Sarah on the phone, and when it came time to finish up our conversation, I said, “I love you, honey” and she said, “I love you, too.” After we hung up, I found myself pondering those words. Some people save them for romantic moments, others throw them around carelessly. But if I feel it, I gotta say it. But what about you? Do you tell your friends that you love them? Never? Sometimes? Often? What if their opposite gender? Same-gender? Do you feel hurt if they don’t say it back?
Maybe this is a guy thing, but I almost never say that. I’m sure I’ve never said it to my best friend, and I’ve known him for more than 25 years.
However, I now work in a hospital where I am the only man in a department of 15 people. When they say such things to me, I respond in kind – maybe as often as once a week. They are a touch-feely group.
Nope, sorry, the only person whom I am privileged to say that to is my wife.
I don’t love my friends, I just like them. If I started telling my friends I loved them, I’d soon have no friends at all… there are just some things a guy doesn’t want another guy to tell him. And I don’t actually have any female friends. The women where I work are either half my age, or older than me. I’m pretty sure that none of us loves the other - we barely know each other.
I’ll tell my friends, but not regularly. I only say it when they’ve done something particularly nice, or there’s a reason to. So, my closest friends, I’ve said it maybe three times in our entire friendship. Less than that? Maybe once. I wouldn’t say it every day.
And I don’t get hurt when they don’t say it back. I understand different people have different standards on that word, and as long as they understand what I mean, it’s all good.
I’ve said it when drunk, sure. But I do love my friends–I’d do whatever I could to help them, any time, any place. I’d take a bullet for most of them. However, when it comes to romantic love between a man (me) and a woman, it’s a much bigger deal, and not something to throw around unless you mean it 100%.
The other day my roomate’s GF told me I walked in th the house late one night after being out at the bar (I was extremely drunk; don’t remember a thing)
Ayway, she said I walk straight up to my room-mate, gave him a big ol’ hug and said “I’m drunk. belch”
To which he responded: "Uh, I know. :dubious: "
Not the same thing but after 15 years of being best friends I think this is the closest I’ve (we’ve) come.
We also refer to each other as brothers which I guess I kind of a bastardization of the term.
I say it to my close friends & my family. Say it when I say goodbye. Whether on the phone or in person. If it isnt said back to me it doesn’t bother me. I only started saying I Love you a few years back.
I typically only say it to my family members. Even though a bunch of my friends say it, I just feel akward saying it to them. But if they say it to me first I feel obligated to respond similarly.
I told my best friend that I loved her a few times, but that was after knowing her for the better part of a decade. She said it back, too, but it wasn’t an everyday thing. We always knew it anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal.
The most recent person to tell me they love me was another close friend who recently moved away. She signed a text “LOVE YA!” and it kind of threw me off. I’d told her before and, during the time immediately following her mom’s death, she told me, IIRC, but nothing more than that. I do love her, I have for a long time, and she’s like a sister to me, but she never really struck me as the emotional type so I was quite surprised. I didn’t text her back just then, but I signed another text the following day “Love and stuff, goodnight.” Again, she knows I love her, she knows I’ll get her back always, so saying it isn’t important.
Of course I’m the same with guys, too. Well, one guy who I really did love, but I didn’t shout it from the rooftops every day. I’m not big on it, I guess. There are very few people in my life who are really important to me, and I do love them. I don’t tell them, though; I guess I just hope that they know.
As far as actual family goes, I almost never tell my siblings I love them but I won’t hang up the phone without saying it to my parents, and I tell my son I love him multiple times every day.
Say it to friends only rarely, and usually somewhat light-hearted-ly: Oh, I love you! You’re so geeky! We all know we love each other anyway, and it can be awkward to say.
Always say it to my immediate family (parents and siblings), most often when saying good-bye on the phone. Interestingly enough, my three siblings and I have ALWAYS done this as long as I can remember–even when very young and even when our friends thought it was weird when we were teenagers. We’d still fight now and then like most sibilings do, but I got the impression that sharing “I love yous” as often and consistantly as we did when we were younger was pretty rare.
A little backstory: My family had no physical affection. I don’t remember my parents ever hugging or kissing me until, in my twenties, I initiated it. I hug my brothers and my wife’s family. I hug a couple of friends. I tell them, “I love you,” but I feel a little uneasy about it. For one friend who has become much harder to love, I stopped saying it. It’s painful to come to that.
I don’t say that particular sentence to my family, much less to friends.
But I do use the same affectionate lines with family and friends. Things like saying, with very exaggerated gestures “ah! I truly do not know what would I do without you!” after they’ve given me a good idea - or opened the mayo jar. The proper response is along the lines of “I imagine you’d have your salami sandwich with butter instead, dear.”
It’s painful to come to that.