Sounds to me like those who are comfortable with once a week also LIKE their inlaws and enjoy spending time with them. It also sounds like kids aren’t really involved yet. I have 3 of varying ages and all are going in different directions. Add working every other weekend into it and I do not want to spend my downtime with inlaws. I want to spend it with my kids or my friends. We do see them on holidays and my inlaws watch the kids after school when I’m at work, so they do see their grandkids.
I had my inlaws over to dinner exactly once, when we were first married. I’ll never do it again. Enough said.
My family lives out of state-in Texas, California and Tennessee–so, I see them about once a year. This is just fine by me…
Bearflag70, I don’t think any of us can tell you what the right solution is for you and your family. I like my in-laws, and I’d be happy to have dinner with them once a week. Every night, now that would be excessive, but once a week, sure. And I understand and share your wife’s desire to have her nearest and dearest gathered at one table on a regular basis.
But my situation is not yours. I’m a sociable person; I’m not working seven days a week; and I consider my husband’s family to be my family as well.
Personally, I like Nava’s suggestion of a twice-monthly dinner. You could try it and if it doesn’t work out, just level with them: “Right now, I’m working a crazy schedule, and I just don’t feel like socializing with anybody very often.” And make an effort to see them once a month or so.
But that’s just my two cents. You and your wife are going to have to work it out between you. I don’t think telling her, “My internet buddies say a once-a-week dinner is crazy” will mean a hoot in hell to her.
I was being somewhat facetious, and while you need to do what works for you, it’s important that you develop a separate relationship with your wife that doesn’t include either set of parents.
I moved away from home when I was 20 and lived most of my adult life after that (I’m 45 now) living at least 800 miles, and sometimes 3000 miles or more, away from my family. Then, 3 years agao, my husband and I settled here in Virginia and my folks moved out here (from California) to be near us. They live 2 miles away from us. I can’t imagine seeing them only once a week, frankly. We drop in on each other often, I’ll stop by and take Mom along with me when I go out shopping; my dad will stop by and pick me up when he’s garage saling, and so on. But a standing appointment seems too formal.
I think you said it very well in your last post.
Just say a version of the same to your wife.
She might be a little pissed, but you will work through it.
Emphasize that you are not keeping her from seeing them as often as she wants, on whatever schedule she likes.
Even tho you are married, there are areas in which you are able to disagree on things just because - well - you disagree.
I envy those folks who have relations with their in-laws such that they enjoy being. I would hope that my kids - and their families - enjoy spending time with us when they get older and move out. But I assume I will have the more flexible schedule at that time, such that a regular “appointment” will not be needed on my part.
Perhaps the “appointment” idea appeals to your wife because she is worried that all of life’s little committments will gradually distance her from her folks. She wants this formality to ensure that they will not drift apart. Which is fine. For her.
A couple of other relevant factors: How long have you been married? Any kids? Are the in-laws in good health?