Well Crunchy, clearly your not in an occupation that allows you to participate in the porn lifestyle. But don’t fret! Here at H.O.T technical schools ltd. you can learn the porn-related skills you needed for a better, more porn conducive career.
For example, most everyday plumbers are limited to fixing leaky pipes and stopped-up toilets. Not porn conducive.
Only with a certified degree in porn plumbing from H.O.T. tech will you will be invited into houses by lingerie clad blondes because “It’s so WET in here!”. Once inside, you will be asked to show your Tool, and you will be able to with confidence with a degree from H.O.T!
For most carpenters the stiffest thing they encounter on any given day is a 2X4. But with a degree in Porn carpentry you will be impressing everybody with your skill with wood!
Even seemingly un-erotic jobs like book-keeping are made more exciting with a porn-degree! You’ll be examining figures and exploring new accounting positions every day!
Crunchy, I think the reason that everyone’s latched onto the pizza delivery theme is that the rest of them are either implausible or unappealing. For example…
[list=1]
[li] Not once have I gotten a hummer as part of a job interview.* - Think of the actual people who have interviewed you. I have yet to see one I would want to know that well.[/li]
[li] Never has a female pizza delivery person brought some pizza and agreed to accept sex as a tip. Neither do the ones who work for UPS or FedEx. - Considering the people who usually deliver pizza, there is the slight possibility of a young attractive person having this job. High school & college students do have that “ready to ride” attraction.[/li]
[li] None of my female neighbors have popped by to model their new lingerie for me or trade sex for a cup of sugar. - Think of your actual neighbors. I don’t even want to see them over the fence, let alone in my house.[/li]
[li] Not one of my girlfriends has brought one of her girlfriends home to “try something new.” Never. This one really irritates me. - I hate to say this. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends, but I also know where they’ve been. I can’t stand the men they pick & wouldn’t want to be in that particular pool of people.[/li]
[li] None of my female co-workers are up for a quickie in the storage room. In fact, they seemed shocked at the suggestion. - Think of the actual people you work with. I don’t even go to corporate functions so I won’t have to socialize with them.[/li]
[li] Some of those positions really aren’t that comfortable. Some of them downright hurt. - Try yoga. Flexibility is very important. Either that, or you’re doing it wrong. [/li]
[li] For years I had an inferiority complex until I learned those guys in the movies - that’s not your average size. - We won’t go here.[/li]
[li] And most importantly – Women do not get turned on when you just whip it out for them. - Depends on the woman & if she was already turned on before you whipped it out. :D*[/li][/list=1]
This has taken so long to type, I hope it’s still a relavant topic.
Do you live in the San Fernando Valley? From what I hear its where most of these episodes take place. You may want to make a visit, call up the local Domino’s and see what comes up (so to speak).
Me, I like the decorating sense. I didn’t even think they made shag carpet anymore, but in every flick there it is - shag carpet.
Are you kidding me? That song’s better than Ride of the Valkyries! Just keep screaming, “The French are coming! The French are coming!”
It is infinitely better than “Romeo and Juliet.” Honestly, how can you possibly go on after the cliched “movie love theme” comes on. I expect the woman I’m with to pan in and have stars and hearts start circling her while I dance and twirl.
Crunchy, women need you to take the initiative on this one. If you’re in line at a bank and the teller is an attractive woman, take the pen, wrap the chain around their neck like a leash, pull them forward and whisper “Baby, I’m here to make a deposit. I guarantee you I won’t be losing interest by withdrawing it too soon.” Trust me, women can’t resist a line like this. Besides, there’s a reason there are cameras all over the place in banks. Tellers are ametuer porn stars, trying to break into the field. Help them out.
Yeah. I was ticked when I found out that the world isn’t full of pneumatically enhanced, bleached blondes who are just waiting for the right guy before going wild with passion.
And what is it with blondes anyway? I prefer Redheads anyway. That’s why I married one.
Well, who ever did win that auction to have you as her bitch? I wouldn’t want to step on anyone’s territory, but if you can produce a signed permission slip from your mistress/owner…
Enderw23, you are emerging as one of my favorite posters. Keep up the good work!
For the record, I used to be a pizza delivery chick about 10 years ago. I never, ever, EVER once took sex as a tip. And yes, it was offered. That’s why I switched to bartending in college. Money was better and I expected guys to be assholes.
jr8 “but I don’t even own a pornograph…”
“The phone went in the house and I answered it and this voice said, ‘Hello, how would you like a dirty weekend in Paris?’ And there was a silence and the voice said, ‘I’m sorry. Have I shocked you?’ And I said, ‘God no—I was just packing.’”
– Helen Lederer
Hey, it happened with me. I think you can use this decision as a precedent.
I started off by asking that hot woman judge if she wants to look at my briefs. So we went back to her chambers and I used the gavel to instill some order in her court. She told me I was putting up quite a zealous defense.
The DA came in wearing a tight little business suit. You might as well have called her the T&A. She tried to object, but I put my motion in too quickly. Not that it mattered, she would have been overruled.
Soon enough she was whispering “Are you going to Roe, or Wade your way in?” I told her both, but I think she’d like to get a look at my Board of Education first.
She was so impressed, she brought the court reporter in to document our discussion.
After that, they were both screaming out “full disclosure full disclosure!!!” The judge even said “my habeus corpus is yearning for you.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
Well, I’ll tell you, I left a lot of room for an appeal. The judge told me I could return whenever I wanted to saying “there’s an ex parte in my robe, and you’re definitely coming.”
As for this offense, I can only assume it was my master debating skills that helped me out big time because I certainly managed to get off.
Try the Anvil chorus. It has a good beat and you can #%@! to it.
Crunchy Frog (shouldn’t your name be Warning Real Dead Frog?)
Try this trick.
Stand around in a public space holding a Bass Violin in both hands (important) Then tell a comely co-ed that you need to make a phone call but the change in in your pocket.
She reaches into your pocket to get the quarter and instead finds that your have removed the lining to your pocket and are going commando. She will then go home and screw your brains out.
That’s how it worked in the porno I saw.
Maybe you should try watching gay porno. They might have ideas you could try.
Or…
You could get a job delivering pizzas or newspapers then maybe…
OR take one of your male friends over to your girfriends house and tell her you would like to try something new.
Which is the entire point of the OP. Porn has ruined this idyllic dreamworld of mine where men get laid all the time by stunningly beautiful women (such as yourself ;)) -sometimes more than one woman at a time - and don’t have to work at it at all.
The real world is nothing like that (I have the arrest record to prove it) and I’m greatly disappointed. This sort of misrepresentation really chafes my crank.
Well, Crunchy, at the risk of upsetting your virtual wife, if I was younger, unattached, stunningly beautiful, and a pizza delivery person, I’d do you in a heartbeat. I’d even bring a friend.
How sad that porn flicks don’t feature overweight, middle-aged, bespectacled engineers…
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