"Don’t you dare, it’d screw with my disability check!
If someone is laying hands on you without your permission, respond with a loud and inappropriate sexual moan of ecstacy.
I am so sorry I missed the start of this thread.
I am also blind (I have RP, and can see a little, but I use a white cane). Last summer, my wife and I were in Florence, Italy, doing some last minute shopping for our art student son before we left for the airport. As we left the very nice art supply store, a clearly American couple walks up to us and the woman asks if we speak English. When we identify ourselves as fellow tourists, the woman says, and I kid you not, “We saw you in Siena yesterday, and I spent all night praying about it, and we just saw you walk past our hotel, so we followed you here so I could ask you if it’s ok to pray for you.” (Not an exact quote, but pretty close.)
My wife and I are friendly people, but are both kind of introverted and non-confrontational. We’re also Jewish, and these people did not strike me as fellow Members of the Tribe, so this was definitely going to be way out of our comfort zone. I went kind of deer-in-the-headlights, frankly, and just kind of agreed if-it’s-quick-since-we’re-in-a-hurry-to-leave-for-our-flight-yada-yada. Only after she prays for God to please open my eyes, and we hurried away, did I get pissed off and think of all the things I should’ve said. Here are a few:
“You stalked us for this? That’s rude and borderline illegal. Don’t ever do that to anyone else. Enjoy the rest of your trip.”
“I’m not Christian, and I don’t believe in intercessionary prayer. I think God probably gave us the brains to solve a lot of our own problems, and there’s a great organization that funds research looking for cures for my condition. If you want to help me, make a donation to blindness.org.”
“My eyes are open. They just don’t work. (see above appeal for research funding)”
I actually had an encounter with two religious types recently as well…
I was in the drive thru at Dunkin Donuts for my breakfast sandwich, I had Monty Python’s Galaxy Song (Stephen Hawking updated version) cranking and had my Portuguese Water Dog, Cooper, in the car with me, when a jehovas witness handed me a business card (we’re not even safe in the drive thru anymore!)
Cooper basically ignored her (and he tries to be friends with everyone!), and I tore up the card as she walked away… I made sure to crank the Galaxy Song louder as she walked away…
It was the only time I wished I had the ability to “Roll Coal” in my Golf TDI, and since it’s a DSG, I couldn’t “accidentaly” pop the clutch to scare her off
I rolled up to the drive thru to pick up the order, where the window attendant remarked on how cute Cooper was, and she wanted to pet him, and Cooper definitely wanted to be friends with her, but she couldn’t as she’d have to wash up after (state food handling guidelines) …she smiled as she heard the Galaxy Song, wished me a nice day, handed me my food order, and I headed out
(Oh, not that this is a factor in anything, but she apparently was a Muslim woman,** she had on the open faced head scarf thingy (hijab?), she was more pleasant to deal with than the JW idiot who approached my car to foist her garbage on me)
I just thought the congruence of The Galaxy Song and encountering two “religious” people was amusing
Also, dogs are excellent judges of character… Annoying JW idiot? Hard pass! No friend!
Pleasant woman who just happens to wear a head scarf? Cooper wants to be friends!
The only other person Cooper has snubbed was an old ex-manager who was a weapons-grade asshole to everyone and who had a terminal case of delusions of grandeur
**this is in southern Seacoast Maine, the most common religious viral strains here are Christianity/Catholicism/Protestantism/etc, the commonplace ‘isms
I think next time i go to Dunkin’s, i’ll keep some “evil” music on pause and ready to go, and i’ll also inform the DD staff that they’ve got a loiterer on the property bothering the customers
Another option if you’re bothered by these classless dolts again, Skald, is to “join” their prayer, try the one from Raiders of the Lost Ark…
Even if you are carrying a brick, do no use it. I knew a guy who did. He was jailed. No, they’re not worth it.
Maybe I don’t get out enough, or visit the wrong places, or frighten the faithful, but nobody has offered to pray for me for a long long time. Just as well - a discontinuity could open in the firmament, and then we’d be fucked.
Re-enact Linda Blair’s performance from The Exorcist? The head swiveling might be difficult.
Claim that their prayers have worked and your sight has been restored, then pretend to look down at your hands and say oh my God, I’m black!
Or say it’s fine, I’m happy with my seeing eye dog here. Good girl, Samantha! pat the air Samantha? Samantha? Where are you, girl? Oh no!
For bonus points you could be holding an empty leash.
I always tell those people to read Matthew 6:5. Y’see, there was a guy 2000 years ago who very specifically told people not to do this kind of thing.
Samantha is an ocelot. Your lack of reading comprehension disturbs me. I will pray for you.
I was aiming for something you could actually say to people. Though I guess referring to your guide ocelot would definitely add to their confusion. Or perhaps it really is a dog, but a lazy one that sits on its ocelot…
Sorry, I won’t even bother getting my coat.
I like the concept of a Seeing-Eye/Attack Ocelot, and look forward to your GoFundSamantha page.
This is making me discombobulated, given it’s my name. I’m not an ocelot, that’s Maggie.
And be sure to be in the pea soup aisle.
Walk your pet cheetah and the prayerful probably won’t approach too close.
