I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.”
I’ve been letting it slide, but I find it pretty offensive. I know they think that this is a good thing - that they are going to show me the true and righteous path, but I really feel like responding with something like “Please don’t use your spells on me” or “thanks, and I’ll sacrifice a goat for you.”
Any ideas on how to shut down this type of Evangelical claptrap?
Say thank you. It hardly seems worthy of going to war over and what makes you think their prayers are centered on converting the heathen rather than asking for God’s help and protection for you. Why should you be offended that someone wants good things for you?
I try not to get in discussions with people that I know won’t go anywhere and will just annoy me, so unless it’s something offensive, where I will just walk away, I just smile mindlessly which ends the conversation in a very short time.
Agree with drewder, just say thanks or ignore it altogether. Anything else moves you one more step in the direction from atheist to militant atheist. It makes religious people dislike ‘us’ in the same way we dislike them. Telling them to knock it off is just as bad (IMHO) as them telling us why we’re wrong to be without god.
(ETA, it’s the 'militant atheist that really bug people, even regular atheists. Going out of your way to tell someone why they’re wrong is just as bad as when they tell you why you’re wrong. If you just smile and nod, a Catholic is more likely to treat you like you’re a member of another religion rather than a member of a sect that’s actively against them.)
And always remember (this extends far beyond religion), for every belief that you hold so dearly that you really, truly feel that the people that are saying the opposite must people pulling your leg, there’s people out there thinking the exact same thing about your view. In the case of religion, trying to explain the illogic of of summoning a magic deity in the sky to help me on my ‘troubled’ path, to them, is no different than the illogic of you just not simply accepting god into your heart. Religion, politics and money…you’re not going to change the other person’s mind, you’re probably going to alienate them, so why bother. At the very least, they can pray for you all day and night, in fact, the can have their entire congregation pray for you, it’s not going to change anything, you aren’t going to feel it, it’s not going to change anything in your life, but asking them not to, that’s going to get you something between an eyeroll and losing a friend. Probably something in the middle (IME, a lecture).
TLDR
Me: I haven’t been feeling well lately, think I have the flu:
Them: I’ll pray for you when I go to church this weekend.
Me: I hear it’s supposed to be in the 90’s this weekend.
Thing about it is, most religious people work on the assumption that everyone else is religious too so they’re not going to think anything of it if you change the subject and IME, very little good comes from the “I’m disappointed” speech.
If the person is simply a well-meaning stranger who doesn’t know I’m an atheist, I generally smile and say thank you. They mean well, as others have said.
If the person is aware of my non-believer status and says, “I’ll pray for you,” in a way that is condescending or indicates they are using this phrase more as a smug put down, I’ve found my most effective reply is, “Knock yourself out!” accompanied by a big stupid smile. They never know what to say back.
Somehow I (an atheist) became really good friends with a Presbyterian minister when I moved back to Michigan. His wife heard I was going through rough times and sent me a bottle of nice hand soap, along with a note that she had the same bottle and that every time she used her soap, she would pray for me, and every time I used my soap, I should know she was praying for me.
I thought that was just lovely.
That’s not what the OP is talking about, though, I don’t think.
More like:
OP: I think gay people should have a right to get married regardless of what others think. Here are the reasons I’ve reached this conclusion.
Response: I’ll pray for you (to change your mind.)
That is some condescending bullshit. I’d still ignore it, but it’s rude as hell.
Or maybe they have forgotten. I’ve been on both sides of the religious fence, and now as a practicing Christian again, I try to be very mindful of who I offer to pray for, because my intent certainly isn’t to cause anyone distress. However, I’m sure at some point, I’ll get it wrong. So, after years of being here and having once preferred no one to assume about myself, I always hope I remember to ask.
But honestly, if I do mess up, 1) it definitely wasn’t intention, as that would never cross my mind, and 2) I very much mean it in the “I’m trying to send you whatever power within the universe to help you that I can” sort of way.
Further, being of a very liberal bent, I pray for health and safety and love and comfort and strength and peace. No need for anyone to pray for something like what SW mentions above, to change anyone’s views. Why? I don’t believe things like that are against God’s will. He made us ALL.
Ask yourself: “What would Jesus do in response to passive aggressive bull shit?”
And then respond accordingly, because that’s NOT how most Christians who pull this crap would react if the tables were turned.
That said, if I tell a Christian friend I’ve been sick with the flu and their response is: “I’ll pray for you.” I’ll take that as a sincere compliment.
It’s kind of awkward on the other side, too, when a religious person is going through a hard time, and everybody is like, ‘‘I’ll pray for you!’’ ‘‘Showering you with God’s blessings!’’ and you’re left with the comparatively lame, ‘‘Er… you’ll be in my thoughts.’’
But that is why I love ‘‘my pastor’’ because I expressed that awkward feeling once when he was going through a hard time, and his response was essentially, ‘‘I absolutely know you care and take that in the spirit it’s intended.’’
A little assumption of good will and attempt at mutual understanding can go a long way.
That’s kind of how I feel. If you want to pray for me, go right ahead, it’s not doing me any harm. You can pray for me, you can send healing thoughts my way, you can keep me in your thoughts. None of that makes any difference. There’s really no reason why I should get offended that a religious person is ‘praying for me’. They pray all the time anyways, unless I’m going to waste all my energy getting upset at them all day long, why should I care if they spend 30 second a week mumbling to themself ‘and, god, please help joey get over his flu’ in their list of thing they’re praying for. Like you said ‘knock yourself out’.
Now, the people that want me to come to church with them or the people who ‘militantly’ instant that I’m wrong for not believing or the even (borderline) the people who vocalize how disappointed they are in me or repeatedly bring up my lack of faith, that’s different. Those people are engaging me. But, you want to pray for me, on your own time, without any interaction from me, why should I care. I see no reason to pick a fight over that.
What I do find interesting and, in fact, upsetting, is that it’s perfectly okay for a religious person to call out an atheist, but for an atheist to call out a religious person, that’s considered mean and rude. For some reason they can tell me my lack of belief is not only ‘wrong’ but upsetting to then, but if I say, literally, the same thing to them, I’m the asshole.
Depends on the circumstances, i guess. If it is “You filthy heathen, I’ll put in a good word with the SkyGod that you repent your evil ways” then I would consider it offensive.
If someone says they are going into a job interview, and someone says “I’ll send up a prayer” or “I’ll keep my fingers crossed” I would consider it a gesture of support and good will.
I would consider going full Sheldon in response to be incredibly tacky.
Whenever I see/hear something line that, the cynic in me wants to call them out and ask them how they got the authority to shower someone with god’s blessing or why they know that god will help them through this distressing time or whatever else they say. I know, it’s just a phrase, just something nice to say to someone, but I’ve always been curious about the response I’d get whenever someone tells me what god/jesus would/will do.
Similarly, in the song Sings by Five Man Electrical Band, whenever I hear the line "“Hey! What gives you the right?” “To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in” “If God was here he’d tell you to your face, Man, you’re some kinda sinner”
I always think to myself ‘how do you know? Maybe god would want a fence there, I’m not saying he would, but how do you know he wouldn’t?’
Here’s why it bugs me when a religious person who well knows I’m an atheist insists on offering me their prayers: It’s a subtle, passive-aggressive way of trying to get me to acquiesce to the validity and/or correctness of their views. It’s a way of attempting to co-opt my implicit agreement that they are right, after all. I find it very irritating.
Sure, I get that. Back when I had Facebook, I had a woman who had suffered a few miscarriages celebrate the one year anniversary of her chld’s birth, along with this screed about how all of this was God’s will and she knew if she remained faithful she would be rewarded or something, I dunno.
My immediate mental response was ''Why the fuck does God want you to have to a kid but I’m shit out of luck? Why does God abort over half of all fetuses He creates if he cares so damned much about human life? Hell, why does he murder every human he’s ever created?"
I didn’t say any of that, of course, because it wasn’t about me. it was about the celebration of her child and this genuine outpouring of gratitude and that should be lauded.
But yeah, we all have uncharitable thoughts from time to time. Atheists are in a no-win situation because our religious beliefs are defined by not having any, so anytime an atheist wants to talk openly about being an atheist, criticism of religion is basically required, it puts us in an inherently antagonistic position whether we want to be or not.
