I’m a little surprised at some of the opinions in this thread. I wouldn’t have blinked, then or now, if someone said, “Hey, have you ever been to X? I have a coupon!” The coupon takes the threat and risk out of the (is-it-or-is-it-not-a-date) situation.
Or maybe I’m just weird.
jsgoddess,
You may be weird, but I agree with you. Admittedly, it makes a difference if it is a nice or at least somewhat exotic restaurant being discussed as opposed to buy one get one free at the nearest pizza joint. Certainly I would not laugh at a guy who used a coupon at a nice place and didn’t mention it until we were at the restaurant.
Of course, I have no social life, so my opinion is not worth much on dating matters.
I do think that the emphasis should be on spending time together with food, as opposed to “help me use my coupons” unless you have a stronger relationship than first date which isn’t a date. I also wonder whether inviting someone out for lunch sends better “lets eat a meal in public without it being a date” vibes than an evening meal- but that may be incompatible with schedules or the coupon.
If you’re weird, jsgoddess that makes two of us. I agree entirely.
Heck Wesley I r eally hope the place does damn good pizza after all this discussion about it. Bon Appetit! 
(And now I wish I had pizza)
My god this thread is gold, pure gold!
Hey Wesley: can I use some or all of the following as a sig for a while?
This one had me biting my lip and tears leaking out of my eyes trying not to laugh out loud at work.
Please?
Wesley Clark, the coupon guy – Love it!
Anyway, I’m married and if we were hanging out doing laundry or whatever and you said, “Hey, I’ve got free coupons for this pizza place, wanna go?” I’d think, “Hey, free food and good conversation? Cool!”
I don’t really think you really have to try to make it look like it’s not a date. She knows you know she has a boyfriend, so she probably won’t think it’s anything more than a friend-thing. If by chance she thinks you’re trying to hit on her with coupon-pizza, she’ll probably just say no or she’ll say something like, “Oh, I’m busy with my boyfriend” to remind you that he exists. If that’s the case you can always say that you have more coupons and he’s welcome to come along.
Good luck. I hope she accepts and you guys become good friends.
You can use it Ghanima, I don’t mind.
She replied:
(Me),
Sounds good to me. I’m always up for free lunch and I’ve never had the food
there either. I’m going to be out of town this weekend. Shall we go sometime
next week?
(her)
So it worked pretty well. Too bad i’ll be out of town next week.
I agree, this thread reads like a Seinfeld epsiode.
Anyway, I was going to put in my two cents on the issue, but it seems that everything has worked itself out, at least for now. So, let me be among the first to offer congratulations, Wes.
Next topic for fellow Dopers to wrestle over:
What Wes should wear in order to best express his current financial situation, which may or may not indicate that coupons are a regular part of his everyday life.
Hey, Wes, congrats on you Not-Date.
For what it’s worth, I would have gone with the coupon. I’ve called friends before (or potential friends) and said much of the same thing, and it’s worked out well for me in the past.
Chalk me up in the “coupons are good” catagory.
By mentioning that you wanted to try a new restaurant AND you had a coupon, you were making it pretty clear that you weren’t trying to prove your ability to bring home enough squirrels (and thereby impress her).
You done good.
But sorry, you won’t be the guy with the coupons. You’re going to be the guy with the squirrels.
Wealey, you show an excellent sense of humor in this thread. Now if you keep that up, dinner will go fine, you’ll have another friend, and you’ll also eventually find an available girl who’ll you like and who’ll like you. 
For starters, nice places don’t offer coupons.
For an appetizer, monsieur, escargots and your pate de fois gras.
For an entree, we would like a bottle of your 1978 Montrachet, for Le Boeuf Bourgignon, and for the lady, I have a coupon here that says I get half-off a second entree of equal or lesser value. She would like Le Coq Au Vin.
Anyway, to the OP, I’m glad it worked out for you, maybe. That is if she isn’t stringing you along.
But, I’d find a woman who isn’t already dating a guy to ask out, and don’t lead with the coupon.
I don’t care what YOUR intentions are. If I was the guy, I’d wonder why someone from my girlfriend’s class is asking her out. Much more why he wants me to come along.
This isn’t your first question about how to interact with women socially. You gotta just wing it and be yourself. The SDMB is going to turn into a version of Cyrano de Bergerac for you.
You’ll be on second base, typing into MPSIMS, “I’m up her shirt. How do I let her know I want to get down her pants.”
Heh…your summarization sounded so much like a cop trying to talk down a guy with a gun, that you’ve inspired me.
Step 1: Copy and paste entire thread into Word.
Step 2: Use “find and replace” to change the word “coupon” to “gun”.
Step 3: Enjoy gems like these:
*“Speaking as a woman, it probably wouldn’t bother me if someone used a gun at dinner if they were discreet about it, or even a bit sheepish.”
“Since this was my idea and they are my guns i’d appreciate it if we split the bill 70/30 instead of 50/50.”
“Every big deal has been made by everyone else (all the gun fighting and whatnot).”
“I wouldn’t have blinked, then or now, if someone said, “Hey, have you ever been to X? I have a gun!” The gun takes the threat and risk out of the (is-it-or-is-it-not-a-date) situation.”
“Certainly I would not laugh at a guy who used a gun at a nice place and didn’t mention it until we were at the restaurant.”
“…which may or may not indicate that guns are a regular part of his everyday life.”
“Chalk me up in the “guns are good” catagory.”
“By mentioning that you wanted to try a new restaurant AND you had a gun, you were making it pretty clear that you weren’t trying to prove your ability to bring home enough squirrels (and thereby impress her).”*
Alright,so coupons are a hard no. What about sneaking snacks into a theater? Surely even the most classy girl from the richest of families must recognize the madness behind paying $5.00 for a “large” box of Milkduds. Is this tacky as well. What if the gal is just a friend?
Joe, darlin’, if she was a real friend, she’d be offering to bring the big purse so you could bring a soda in, too.
Frankly, I don’t see what all the hoo-rah is about the friggin’ coupons. It’s not like it’s a date, and even if it were a date, I still don’t see what the fuss is about. Waste not, want not, you know. The only purpose of not using the coupons is to look like you’ve got enough money you don’t have to economize, and frankly, I don’t think the OP would be interested in dating someone who had that sort of dating criteria. The coupons might not make you look especially suave, but Wesley doesn’t want to be suave. He wants to be himself.
Wait, that didn’t come out quite right. What I’m trying to say is that he seems to be trying to embrace who and what he is so he can build a social network and achieve happiness, and he ain’t gonna do that putting on an act. He needs to relax and be his thrifty little self.
By doing search and replace with “guns” you inspired me to see what the thread would look like if we were talking about “condoms” and not “coupons”. Some highlights of my findings:
*Wes, even if it isn’t a real date you should never lead with condoms. Never.
If it weren’t for the buy one get one free condom I wouldn’t need to invite anyone.
If we all had to wait for condoms as a reason to ask people to socialize with us, the world would be a pretty lonely place.
But women snicker at guys that ask them out and use condoms. It’s not just a guy-asking-gal-out thing, either. Hetero- or homosexual relationships share this rule. You can not use condoms until the relationship is established. Firmly. She will laugh about it. Her friends will laugh about it. Her boyfriend will guffaw.
Speaking as a woman, it probably wouldn’t bother me if someone used a condom at dinner if they were discreet about it, or even a bit sheepish.
It’s not about how much money you spend, it’s about why you are inviting her at all. “I don’t want to waste this condom” is never a good reason.
The truly competent hunters caught all the squirrels and elk they needed, they didn’t need condoms to feed their families.
If you’re going to go the condom route Wesley, you’d better have a penis that can snake out drains and sing the Anniversary Waltz.
I wouldn’t have blinked, then or now, if someone said, “Hey, have you ever been to X? I have a condom!” The condom takes the threat and risk out of the (is-it-or-is-it-not-a-date) situation.
I do think that the emphasis should be on spending time together with food, as opposed to “help me use my condoms” unless you have a stronger relationship than first date which isn’t a date.
If by chance she thinks you’re trying to hit on her with condom-pizza, she’ll probably just say no or she’ll say something like, “Oh, I’m busy with my boyfriend” to remind you that he exists. If that’s the case you can always say that you have more condoms and he’s welcome to come along.
By mentioning that you wanted to try a new restaurant AND you had a condom, you were making it pretty clear that you weren’t trying to prove your ability to bring home enough squirrels (and thereby impress her).
Certainly I would not laugh at a guy who used a condom at a nice place and didn’t mention it until we were at the restaurant.*
My thoughts on the subject are not that “coupons are bad”. I grant you that using coupons is a smart thing to do. If you can spend less, why woudn’t you? Unless the intention was to spend as much as you can, which is sometimes necessary if you’re trying to prove something.
The whole basis of the discussion here is not that Wesley wanted to use the coupons (no matter how much he tells us it is) but that he wanted to make a new friend. If there’s even a slight possiblity that using the coupon will raise an eyebrow, why do it? For the sake of $5, why put up potential roadblocks?
Like it or not, first impressions are imperative, with potential friend or potential lover. Or potential business relationship, for that matter. Any interaction will put a great deal of emphasis the first impression (I suppose second impression, given that they’ve met at the laundromat). I say, save your idiosynchacies for the second meetup.
Damn, I had no idea coupons were such a sign of leprosy. I don’t get what is wrong with coupons, its just a means of getting more goods/services for less money. I can pay $13 for two people to try a new place or I can use a coupon and pay $7. Thats sad if people think that is shameful or pathetic.
I guess its just how I was raised. What honestly is the motive to condemn coupons? I do not get it. Does it mean you are cheap or what? I always thought it meant you were good at getting more goods/services for less money, which resulted in more cash for savings or more goods/services to go around.
In a way I can see the point with the “If it weren’t for the buy one get one free coupon I wouldn’t need to invite anyone” statement. But exchanging $1 for a chance to socialize is more than worth it.
The way I see it, I am paying $1 extra to not only try a new restaurant but to hopefully make a new friend in the process than if I were to just try the restaurant alone. That is what the coupon is for, to socialize. I could go alone, but I’d rather use the coupon and $1 to meet new people.
Okay, I don’t think people who use coupons are cheap. I really don’t, I even use some myself sometimes.
You just don’t want to give the girl, friend or more, the impression that “Hey, I wanna go out to dinner again sometime, but … gotta wait for a coupon!” That’s why I wouldn’t lead with it. In fact, I personally wouldn’t use a coupon on a date or on a friend thing until I was very comfortable with the person.
It’s not that people with coupons are cheap, but I wouldn’t say that people with them are “good at getting more goods/services for less money”, either. Somewhere between.