Assuming its an outside-of-a-bar-or-club setting, where asking that kind of thing is to be expected.
And is it possible to go about asking without making your intentions too obvious?
I would never (and have never) even thought of asking this. I think the relevant information would come out in casual conversation: no?
I suppose you could ask her friends if you’re not sure she’s interested/single. Usually, single or not, a girl makes it pretty obvious if she’s interested.
-
It’s acceptable pretty much right away. If you’re interested in dating someone/banging someone I like to establish that right away. In my life I’ve never found that women like guys who pussy-foot around. I’m not saying be crude or anything but nothing wrong with making your intentions known in a polite manner.
-
Why wouldn’t you want to make your intentions obvious? How does a woman know you’re interested if you don’t show that you are??
The sooner, the better. Better yet, look for a ring before ambushing a stranger.
The other day, I was at Jewel getting some groceries. A guy came up to me and asked, “Has anyone ever told you that you are SUPER CUTE?” I blinked a few times. “You are,” he said. “Thanks,” I said, and wheeled my cart away. He cornered me a few aisles later and asked if I’m single. “I’m married, actually,” I said. He looked down and saw my wedding rings. “Oh. You’re beautiful, though.” “Um. Thanks.”
It was incredibly bizarre. He wasn’t weird-looking or really old or creepy or crazy–and believe me, I know crazy when I see it.
Oh, and you can always play it off cool, like, “Hey, I don’t know if you’re seeing anyone, but would you like to…etc.?” I think that comes across as considerate.
Sooner the better, be direct.
I don’t understand why you would specifically ask this. Why not just ask her out?
Within fifteen minutes of meeting her, you should have asscertained her status married/single/divorced and any chemistry between you and her that leads to eventual bliss.
Declan
Never ask. Most attractive women always have a guy in their life whom they can refer to as a “boyfriend” or a “fiance” when it suits their purposes. So asking if they are single just gives them an easy opportunity to blow you off.
What, so we should make them work to blow us off? If I’m going to be blown off (in any sense of the word) I’d like to make this as easy on her as possible. If done politely and not pushed afterward, there’s nothing wrong with a polite, friendly, “So if you’re not seeing anyone, I’d like to go out to coffee with you some time,” and allowing the subject to be changed if she says no.
Bitter much?
Really.
Step 1-look at ring finger, left hand of desired female
If you see wedding band, engagement band, or Marine band, proceed no further
Step 2-ask female person with bandless left ring finger if she would like: a drink, to dance, dinner, foot massage, hot monkey sex, or all of the above
Seriously, there’s no relational egg timer which will magically go ding to announce an acceptable time. Some times it’s 30 seconds, and some times it can be a year.
Hey, babe. You’re hot. Let’s fuck.
Of course. You don’t want to make it psychologically easy for her to reject you. That’s why you never just give the girl your phone number. Because then she can easily reject you by simply putting off calling you forever.
Not at all.
What exactly is the purpose of making it *difficult * for her to reject you? Is it to prevent rejection, or just to pre-emptively inflict revenge for it?
I agree with this. Presuming that you’re not crazy, or stalkery, or on such a different plane of attractiveness as to make your aspirations absurd, let her know you’re into her. Humans are generally predisposed to look kindly on people who clearly like and admire them. I personally find attraction to me to be a very endearing quality in a guy.
To make it more likely she will say “yes.” I suppose that’s in the category of “prevent rejection.”
It can be fun to hang out with girls who are interested in you but not available, but it can also be frustrating, and it’s time you’re not spending meeting women who are interested and available. Better to find out sooner rather than later.
If she hasn’t admitted to being taken, it’s easier for her to say yes. She hasn’t talked herself out of it yet.
Does she have a boyfriend? Do I CARE?
Eeeeh?
When I was in college, guys back home assumed I had a boyfriend in college and therefore didn’t ask me out. Guys at college assumed I had a boyfriend back home and therefore didn’t ask me out. One of my classmates (cute and nice and from a place close to mine) asked this girl who sat next to me in class whether I had a guy back home; the bitch happened to like him and said that yes I did - by the time he found out she’d lied, he was seeing someone else, d’oh. Note to that neighbor: if he’s asking you whether another girl is available, he likely wouldn’t be interested in you if you went to his bedroom naked, holding a condom and asking whether he minds helping you learn how to put one on a guy.
The best time is when you realize you’d like to go out with her. And the best way to ask is what Millit said: “hey, I don’t know if you’re seeing someone or whatever, but would you like to <insert invitation here>?”
One would think that that would get you slapped.