I’m a corporate trainer, so my job involves talking to people I don’t know very well. I’m pretty good at it, too, if I say so myself.
However, I’ve discovered in recent years that my friendships (outside of the one I have with my wife) have taken a severe nose-dive. I find it difficult to talk with the people I used to be close with, because of distance and the differences in our lives and lifestyles. I don’t know if this is a product of the factors I listed above, or my reticence to be communicative outside of work. It’s hard to say.
For what it’s worth, I do the bulk of my online communicating here at the SDMB. I rarely post at other boards, if ever. Occasionally I’ll post at Ain’t It Cool News or Fark.com, but those are definitely the exceptions.
I don’t speak to people at all. If they strike up a conversation with me, I’ll nod and smile or just agree and walk away. I deal with people all day on my job and the last thing I want to do after work is socialize with more strangers. I try not to be rude about it though.
Very talkative. For example, last night I was with a group of strangers, and I found myself kind of keeping the conversation going while everyone else was reluctant to talk.
(And no, they were not sitting there silently hating me; they were just kinda shy around all these strangers.)
It’s strange that I’m fairly outgoing, come to think of it, since I’ve got a deep misanthropic streak as well. Perhaps keeping the conversation moving helps me avoid those awkward pauses during which I would think about how much I hate everyone.
Though I swear that people easily get confrontational with me. I don’t understand why becuase I’m not a confrontational guy. I genuinely like people and want to get to know them. I don’t know. I’m at a loss. I’ve had jobs in the past that required alot of talking.
I tend to get along with women better than other men. And kids like me.
An FYI for those saying, “Not all strangers want to talk to you talkative people, you know!”
When I say I meet new people all the time, it’s not me doing the approaching. It’s them. THEY start talking to me. A friend of mine suggested that the reason people feel comfortable approaching me is the fact that I don’t avoid eye contact, I make it, whether I’m aware of it or not.
Just thought I would clear that misconception up for you all.
I have often gone days without saying anything out loud.
Most of the time I don’t even realise it until I think “huh, I didn’t have to talk to anyone yesterday.”
I’m similar to many other people here - I only talk if there’s something worth talking about, if there’s a proper conversation. I don’t mind people who just speak off their mind either, I’ll listen to that. But I cannot possibly participate in chatter that has no point whatsoever… I find myself in a lot of situations like this:
Girl 1: You ate all the chocolate?
Girl 2: I’m such a freak.
Girl 1: I know!
Girl 2: No… Guy 1 is a bigger freak.
Guy 1: Did you see my socks!
Girl 2: The rainbow ones?
<Shows socks>
Girl 1: Oh my god, you’ve moved up on the ‘gay scale’.
Girl 2: Level 7 now.
Guy 1: Oh no!
<Sounds of merriment, followed by a pause>
Girl 2 (to me): Hey… You’re really quiet.
Me: I suppose.
Me (in mind): What on earth am I meant to be saying!?
Naturally this makes me a poor contender in the flirting arena. I’m also very cynical (read: stereotypical sneering Brit) and people who aren’t used to that find my talk and sense of humour a bit unnerving. On more than one occasion I’ve had people think I’m silently sitting there, hating them up.
I find that generally, the more people there are, the lower the quality of the conversation. Because of that I always have a lot more to say with one other person or in small groups. I’ve also noticed that I’m pretty good at breaking the ice, which goes to show that I’m not shy. If I’m quiet its due to lack of anything to say.
When I’m with people I don’t know so well I’ll only ever speak if I have something that is really worth saying, otherwise i speak only when spoken too and apparently sit there looking miserable, even when I’m not (I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s just my face. What a lovely thought.). I seem to find myself saying things that someone like my best friend would find hilarious but everyone just gives me dodgy looks and tells me I’m strange in ways they’ve never encountered before. This is why i avoid being with people i don’t know too well.
My best friend describes my sense of humour as ‘aquired’, which I’d have to agree with, it takes some getting used to. My friends seem to find me amusing and all i ever seem to do when I’m with them is laugh. I wouldn’t describe myself as shy and neither would anyone who really knows me but it seems to be a label that people who don’t know me so well seem to be happy to give me and i totally disagree with it. I don’t get nervous when I talk to strangers but I’d rather avoid it all the same.
I’m not one of those who greets random neighbours with a smile and a cheery message every morning simply because we live on the same road. Somebody i barely recognised who lives a few houses down from me said ‘morning!!’ to me today and it took me by suprise and i felt quite rude for not responding but i always like to think before i talk to people. Thats why i hate answering questions in class, teachers seem to like randomly picking on me but i like to consider my answer for a few seconds so that its the best one i could give but they always give up on me and ask somebody else just when I’ve decided what to say.
Even so, I’m very good at making new friends if i choose to do so. I can apparently be very easy to talk to and very friendly, I just don’t like being taken by suprise by people talking to me who I don’t know.
I am overall very friendly and outgoing, I’m sort of reknown for it amongst my friends, “Oh, Winter will talk to anyone!”. I will talk to people in the grocery store, elevator, anywhere. If they’re not into it, I back off, but I find the majority of the people like it. If I’m at a party where I don’t know anyone, I will look for someone by themselves and start up a conversation. If I’m at a party where I know everyone, I have to make the rounds to chat and hug everyone.
In my experience, most people are shy, and appreciate it if you make the effort to approach them. In fact, it’s this personality trait that allowed me to move from No. CA to upstate NY without knowing a soul; I knew I could make friends, or more precisely, I knew I knew how to make friends. The other side of that is that I don’t have any friends I’ve known since grade school; even my oldest friend I’ve only known for about 10 years, and that’s a long time, for me.
However, all of that is negated if I am tired. If I’m tired, or have a headache, I just go quiet. People who know me will remark on it, “Wow, you haven’t said much!”, even when I think I’m faking it pretty well.
So, I probably talk more outside of work and I can most definitely talk to anyone. As to funny, well, you know, it depends on the person. I’ve been told I should do stand up a couple of times, and other times, something I think is funny bombs.
