This won’t make much sense, I fear, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
My best friend, since fourth grade and throughout, was abused by his father through most of his early life. I don’t know the details of the abuse, but I know it had a profound effect on my friend. He also abused my friend’s sister and their mother.
The man in question is a somewhat successful author who has written a few books as guides to businessmen. I looked him up on Amazon and the reviews for his books were something like “I met John Doe in person and he struck me as a sincere, down-to-earth guy who was really genuine and thoughtful.” It really really unnerved me. This gentleman is also available for talks to businesses, and I shuddered at the thought of my company having us attend one of his talks. I’d have no idea what to do or say.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that out. Not much more to be said than that.
This is a common theme in an abuse survivor’s life- the abuser may be a pillar of the community or a “fine, upstanding citizen”, but at home they are violent/controlling/psychotic/abusive. I was involved with a guy who had been physically abused by his mother when he was a child. When I met her, I was civil, but that’s all. And I told him that if we ended up married with kids, that she was NEVER babysitting for us (he agreed). She was a nurse, and well known in the small community where she lived.
I hope your friend and his family have gotten therapy of some kind. Has he ever confronted his father about it? I’m an abuse survivor as well, and I am estranged from my family of origin because they’re all so nuts. My husband and I are amking our own family.
this is too creepy! i grew up with kids in the neighborhood with a father just like the guy described in the first post. very successful type, millionaire, sells books and tapes and gets paid to talk about it. his familiy was a roving pack of heathens with more felony charges between them than Compton. his wife was fucking her son’s high school buddies. lots of drugs and other shit. it was a regular mini-mafia right there in the neighborhood. but this guy was for all appearances totally normal and upright. STRANGE!
as far as abuse goes, i met a couple once who were twice threatend with removal of the children from thier home because they were so filthy. it was unbelievable. a friend of mine told me about them, and i did not believe her. she told me how they lived and i said “prove it. take me over there” (morbid curiosity) what a mistake! i am scarred for life. here is a small sample: (if you don’t believe me, i dont blame you. i didn’t either)
toilet broke-- didn’t fix it, just let it pile up till it reached the rim, then shit in the bathtub.
dogs roving/grazing thru whole house, shitting/pissing wherever.
dishes were not done- once the crust was hard, they were ready to use again.
food not stored or put away- they just left stuff on the table. i saw a mayo jar… well, lets not talk about that. i saw a peanut butter jar with about 5 knives in it, open on the table, flys crawling around in it. (not as bad as the mayo jar)
there were other horrors also, but you get the picture. the real scary part was the father was an engineer and the mother WAS A NURSE!!! SHE WORKED IN THE NURSRY AT THE HOSPITAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS!!!
my friend and i called them “the pig people”
i felt so sorry for the 2 little kids. this was how they were taught to behave. they thought this was normal. i wonder what they are like now? this has got to be a horrible form of abuse, because the kids have got to be screwed up. just thinking about it gives me the creeps…