Anyway, I’ve been dating a woman for a while, among the others, that’s become pretty special. I’m pretty interested in her and we have talked about taking the dating to the next level. If this was high school 25 years ago, we’d be going together (do kids still do this?) I called it “dating with intent” while we were talking. I’m no longer just wanting to date her for fun and company, but rather with the intent of learning the deeper things about her.
I know me and I know that dating other women during this time would just confuse me; I’m basically hard-wired for monogamy. Most of the women I’ve been out with or been chatting with are of little impact, one date or IM does not a relationship make. But there’s two who may be rather put-out by me dropping them in favor of an exclusive relationship with this other woman.
So - the big question - do I tell them this in an email where I can express myself carefully and succintly (“It’s not you, it’s me…”) or is it better to call them and do it voice-to-voice.
I have to admit to some cowardice, email means I don’t risk hearing any hurt or anger and I’m a conflict avoider at my very core nature.
These days, the grown-up version of “going steady” seems to be “being exclusive.”
Do not use email. You owe the person at least a phone call if you’re going to break off a relationship. There’s no need to be coy about the reason, either, just say you’ve decided to see someone else exclusively. (That is, of course, if the woman in question knew you were dating other people in the first place.)
I had a couple guys that were fuck buddies when I was single. After I got into a relationship I let them know that we couldn’t see each other anymore. It really was a painless process.
Just make a call a let them know that you are getting into an exclusive relationship. If they have even the slightest bit of maturity they’ll understand.
I had 2 or 3 good dates with a man I was starting to like a lot when I got the phone call—he had met the love of his life. What can I say? Be happy!
I still think of him fondly for this and it makes me smile to think somebody found the love of his life!
I agree that face-to-face is the way to go. And sooner rather than later - I would rather know that I have no future with a guy than continue to make plans and dream about him and stuff.