For those of you not following my saga, and you know who you are, I’m in the process of divorcing my wife of more than 11 years and starting a new life as an early-forty-something divorced dad.
It’s been a rocky road to this point…
So, I’ve been in my new place for a month now, most of the big stuff was in place and arranged after a week, cleanup took another two weeks. I’m being taunted by a trio of boxes in my bedroom that are the last of the moving boxes. Mostly little pieces of stuff, magazines, bits from my drawers, etc. I’m avoiding them because most of that stuff is the cruft that accumulates in a bedroom and really has no place.
I’m almost compulsive in my need to keep the place clean right now. I’ve run the vacuum more in the past couple weeks than probably my entire 11-year marriage. It’s nice to be able to see the kitchen counters, have a floor that’s not covered in stuff, and reach for clean clothes & clean utensils when needed. I’m sure it’s, in part, a reaction to my soon-to-be-ex’s incrediblely poor housekeeping skills. It’s not hard to maintain the cleanliness, though, once established. It helps, of course, to have nobody there right now messing it up while I’m at work.
My eating habits have degenerated - I’m binging. It’s hard to cook a frozen pizza and just eat two slices of it - I’ve got to get that under control. I never had good sleeping habits when alone before, staying up to watch TV until midnight all the time. That bad habit is still with me and it’s costing my body, too. I’m probably drinking more than I need, too, with a mixed drink (or two) per night being pretty standard these days. I rationalize and say it’s helping me to get to sleep.
I think I’m still in search of a comfortable routine.
The food thing I’ve started fixing today. I’m back to my salad for lunch. My clothing is getting tighter and that’s no good after working so hard to loose nearly 40 lbs (Sounds like a lot but I’m still near 345). I saw myself in my wall-to-wall bathroom mirror yesterday and freaked.
The subject line, though, is what prompts me to update my life with you all. I think I’m becoming a slut.
Before, I was seeing one woman about 45 miles away - lots of driving. 7 years younger than me, she was cute, lively, available, very sexy, and, frankly, willing. I got stuck pretty fast. I think I was trying to fill that hole in me, the one yearning for contact. She’s got a temper, too, though and a sarcastic side without much of a filter on it. I was absorbing small abuses for the sake of peace.
Eventually, and this is a whole posting in itself, I realized that I was falling right back into the old habits, putting my hurt away for the sake of a peaceful relationship.
I started seeing another woman, my age, also smart, sexy and desirable but much more easy going. The 45-min away woman has faded a lot but we have some contact (but no dates in nearly 4 weeks).
But this upcoming week, I have four dates. One, tonight, is a first-date. We’ve been chatting online since October. She’s very smart, a trip to talk to, cute, and quite the hippy-dippy-new-ager compared to me (crystals, vibrations, astrology, homeopathic, vegetarian, etc.) Not sure where this may go. It’s not good to be rolling your eyes at your girlfriend’s philosophy but she knows where I’m at and I know where she’s at so it’s all up front. She may just be a friend in the end. Still, months of great conversations make me interested.
Tomorrow is the woman above, the one my age. We’ve been seeing each other for a month or so and I think there’s real potential here. She’s not ready for commitment and I know I’m not. In terms of potential, though, there’s a lot of sub-surface things going on with her. In some ways, I’d like to focus on her and this potential but our joint attitudes about non-commitment are counter to this idea. It’s hard to reconcile for me.
Friday is a woman I’ve seen twice before, both in public situations. Friday will be our first private time together (read: potential sex) and I’m not sure that’s the right thing. She’s a widow, single-mother, and I’m determined to not fall back into my “savior” role that I often take on. Still, she’s nice, earthy, fun to talk to.
Monday is a first date, too. Online meet, she’s an IT geek - a type I’ve never dated before despite my profession. I can’t say I’m very attracted to her picture but I’m not one to judge too much from a pic. So much about attractiveness to me is about mannerisms, movement, voice, etc. that a picture is just too limiting. I’m cooking her dinner at my place.
Then there’s the single date sandwiched in a bit more than a week ago or so. She and I conversed online for a while, very erudite conversation, intelligent woman. We had one date which I thought went wonderfully. A couple days later, I found a piece of her earring which must’ve broken off somehow and I sent her a note about it saying, in part, that I’d give it to her on our next date. She replied after a couple days with no contact (unusual) and she asked me to mail it to her explaining that family pressures (ex-husband problems) might keep her penned-in for a while. She also said that she didn’t like that I referred to my soon-to-be-ex as my “wife”. I think she believes that it shows a lack a separation from my wife more than, in my opinion, a verbal habit. Frankly, it feels like a “Dear John” letter to me. I still have to mail that earring. I’m a bit sad about that one - I thought we really had something clicking.
And that’s my life…
