Baloney. An offense is what it takes to be kicked out.
OK, that out of the way, my recommendation is:
Openly carry a copy of this cult classic everywhere, and no other books, at least in sight. Keep it bookmarked with an expensive fabric ribbon to the passage where Padre Pederastia performs a sacrifice to the Devil by performing oral favors on a naked woman atop a Satanic altar. If someone asks what you’re reading, open it at the bookmark and hand it to them to read.
And don’t forget to actually read the damn book!
Ooh… better yet, keep it bookmarked with a business card for an abortion clinic.
Or, one I heard this weekend from a stoner friend-
“Can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that not even he can eat it right away?”
These are great you guys! I will show this thread to my friend, so please keep them coming. nineiron, I believe the reason is because she wants to go to my school, because many of her friends go there as well, but I don’t know for sure.
BTW, Irish Rogue, <bold> is not an HTML tag. What you were looking for is <b> but even that won’t work on this board. You need to use “knew her not [b ]until** she had…” but without the space after the first “b” More codes you can use.
Memorize and use all of George Carlin’s questions he asked of the nuns; "Sister, if God is all-powerful, can he make a rock so big that even he can’t lift it?"
Forget it. They teach those questions at nun school now.
Back in my day, the easiest way to get thrown out of Catholic school was to get pregnant, but I suppose your friend would prefer a less permanent course of action.
This path worked for my nephew, although I don’t think he intended it to.
The Catholic high school in his town was considered much superior academically to the public high school, and boasted of its very high percentage of graduates who went on to college.
My nephew made it very clear that he didn’t want to go to college, didn’t intend to go to college, and was simply marking time until he got his high school diploma.
Suddenly, one day during his senior year, the administration woke up and realized that if they expelled him, he wouldn’t drag down the graduate averages and POOF, he was out of there.
At least, that’s the way my sister explained it.
The simplest answer of all: graduate.
It’s only four years of your life, and in a few years it won’t matter anyway.
But you wanted FUN stuff. OK. Let me think…
Piss in the Holy Water
Walk in wearing a yarmulke
Read The Anarchist’s Cookbook, preferably aloud
Say “Goddamn” every chance you get
Play Pantera, AC/DC, and Marilyn Manson at high volumes
Nope. I think your friend is just gonna have to suck it up. Sorry.
You could habitually jot down things in a little notebook, take pictures with your stapler, and ask people to speak clearly into the pen in your pocket.
I agree with Airman Doors, especially about the Anarchist’s Cookbook deal.
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Over here, cursing is pretty damn serious, so that may be something to try.
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Wear/ hang up the Anarchy symbol everywhere you can.
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If you have a guidance counselor, say the type of stuff that may make him/her think you’re dangerous. Things such as:
You don’t know my true powers yet.
Fuck the world! Anarchy Rules!
Where can I buy (insert some unassuming substance that could be considered dangerous with thought here)?
I need (you) to die (Hm… actually, this could get you a trip to a real psychologist…)
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Skateboard/do grinds down fences outside the school
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Tell the nuns how much you hate (insert something they hold in high regard, like God, or Mary, or The Pope, whatever).
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Wear heavy chains with locks around your neck. (almost worked for me)
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Wear thumbtacks in your ears with rubber erasers holding them in place (almost worked too)
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On a dress-down day, come in wearing bondage pants, and a “FCUK” shirt, with red hair and spiked bracelets.
If punk-ish/ goth-ish kind of thing is not your style, here’s a few others:
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If you drive, come in late to school, playing gangsta rap (UNEDITED VERSION) w/ subwoofers blaring loud enough to rattle the pencil can on the teacher’s desk thousands of feet away. That’ll get a good response.
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Get caught fighting. Automatic expulsion at my school.
Hey, I did 10 1/2 years in Catholic school. I know of what I speak. 