Check out this letter to NTL written by some bloke in Britain. Bloody brilliant.
He had me at ‘Dear Cretins,’.
Oh boy! I know how he feels. NTHell are my cable company. Biggest, most useless bunch of twats ever.
Brilliant flaming! I laughed. I cried. It became a part of me.
Thanks for sharing.
Ummm… need some translation help. Bolding portions are what I don’t quite understand.
1: …so that you can have some entertaining reading material
as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office
2: …transferred to a variety of disinterested
individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
Bollocks are bull testes, I believe
Bollock Jugglers from what I gather is the equivalent to bullshit artists
drinking vendor coffee on the bog: I think means vending machine made coffee and drinking it and reading that letter whilst sitting on the crapper
I could be wrong though.
Now that was delightful!
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would be “smoking Benson and Hedges while drinking machine-dispensed coffee on the toilet”
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playing with your testicles, bollocks=balls
Bollock jugglers refers back to the earlier statement that the writer spent some minutes playing with his testicles to alleviate boredom while waiting for an answer on the phone.
The implication is that the people he speaks to on the phone are sufficiently bored with his complaints that they, too are playing with their balls.
I miss Nostradamus.
I know how this guy feels, I’ve been there myself.
I particularily relate to this line - "I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website…how?"
No fucking shit. If I’m on hold for tech support, the last fucking thing I want to here is, ‘Or if you’d like, you can visit us at …’. How? HOW!?! Idiots.
Sheer beauty. I found “useless shower of bastards” a particularly sweet turn of phrase.
I wipe a tear from my eye. I only wish I had something I can be angry enough about to call the object of my wrath a ‘bollocks-juggler’. I am in awe. Complete, filial awe.
Ahhh, a classic in the making.
It’s nice to know that poor service from ISP’s and phone companies is global - I was worried that it was just QWest…
I’d love to see the resulting letter if this guy became a Sky subscriber!
Priceless, Timeless, a true jewel for out time.
WOW! Very good!
[Sniff, sniff]It’s letters like this that make me proud to be British. Americans do a great many things well, but when it comes to sheer, raw rhetoric, I’ll give the honours to my homeland. (All right, Yanks, you can have the honors:) )
“Annoying Scottish robot woman” heh heh