This morning, my 4-week-old son’s diaper change went like this:
Remove old diaper (#1).
Put new diaper under Jett.
Jett pees all over the place, somehow missing the new diaper completely.
Begin wiping his sore little tushie.
Ewww, poop oozes out onto the wipe and into the diaper (mercifully not my fingers). Pause to see if anything else is coming out. Coast seems clear.
Toss diaper #2.
Begin placing diaper #3 under Jett while wiping.
**FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT FART TOOT FART **
sigh
SQUIRT
Ew.
Remove diaper #3 (and the poop puddle it now contains).
Place diaper #4 under Jett. Recommence wiping.
Jett pees, AGAIN, this time all over the inside and outside of the diaper…and in his own face (it was on his lips, his eyes, in his hair…). He adds a few wet farts for good measure
sigh
Place diaper #5 under Jett, wipe in a hurry, and fasten the damn thing before any more excrement decorates the room, Jett’s hair, or mommy’s clothes.
Ah, the little things about newborns. Can’t say I miss it. Never a problem with my daughter but my son we use to keep partially covered throughout the change and race through the wipe, lotion and new diaper process before he could take out the changing pad, the wall or our clothes.
I have to say, I don’t recall ever approaching 5 diapers. Your son is a prodigy.
Ahhhh yes, those days. I’m guessing he’s breastfed, right?
Dweezil never managed a 5-dipe session, I think his limit was 3… however, particularly in the early weeks, he earned the title of Crown Prince of Olympic Projectile Pooping - his range was something over a meter.
Moon Unit tended to go for quantity in a single diaper. And was oddly attuned to whenever I had a phone call from my boss (who had zero experience with kids). He’d phone me about something when I was working from home. I’d start to nurse her to keep her quiet, and “brrraaapppppp”. “OK”, I’d think, “it’s not like she cares about sitting in poop for a few minutes, I’ll just continue the phone call”. Then “brrrraaaaaapppppppppppppp” again. And both of us would need a bath and change of clothes I’d have to tell the boss I had to hang up NOW.
Is just leaving the baby in a bath for a while a possibility? Forget clothes and diapers, jut let him work it out for a while in a setting where the detritus can be drained and washed away? Of course IANAP so no clue really.
I’ve been playing The Sims too much because I was thinking “What’s the big deal? Just toss him in the air and the old diaper flies off all folded up and the new diaper just appears on the baby* in mid-air.”
I’ve always heard of the dangers of baby boys, it’s too bad you can’t put a cap on those things to keep them from going off.
*If I were really addicted I would have said “nubu” instead of baby.
Now at sixteen months we’re at the point where whenever Bella gets the opportunity she sneaks out of her diaper. So instead of say, five diapers at a change, we go through five towels, a quarter-container of carpet cleaner, sometimes two blankets/comforters/sheets…a day.
I hear ya, Ruffian. We had a 3-diaper change just yesterday. Spencer poo’d before daddy could get one all the way on, and then he forgot to aim Spencer down in his next diaper, so pee shot straight out the leg hole before he could get that one strapped on. Luckily, the last one stuck.
Good night, it continues…just in a different vein.
A diaper change before his second breakfast went like this:
Remove diaper. Commence wiping.
RuffLlama spits up curdled breastmilk all over his cute shirt and the changing table pad. Well, there went cute outfit #1 for the day (he’s been through 3 so far–just a messy day).
Doorbell rings. Um…sorry, whoever you are, despite the open front door (screen door was closed) and TV on downstairs, I ain’t home. I continue with the diaper change.
RuffLlama pees everywhere just as I was turning to toss the old diaper into the Diaper Genie. You know, just the other day I was thinking it’d been a while since I’d been peed on…
While wiping the pee off the wall and everywhere else, the phone rings. You’ve got to be kidding me. They, too, can wait.
I’d like to add when changing him this afternoon he managed to pee on himself AGAIN, this time getting it in his hair AGAIN and all over his face AGAIN. sigh
Good thing is, he’s a great baby. No screaming or crying or whatnot to speak of today. So I’ll take my pee-soaked furniture and wardrobe, thank you.
We didn’t have that much problem with the peeing outside the diaper or in the middle of changes, but for a couple of months it seemed like every single time I fed the boy he either spit up all over both of us (or all over the floor), or he filled the diaper and leaked out the leg or over the top. Got to the point where I never picked him up to feed him without making sure he was on one of those flannel covered rubber mats on my lap.
I have to tell you I’m laughing sooo hard at your posts, Ruffian, but I do sympathize. Someday it’ll be funny to you, too. Just like I’m amused by the memory of the time my daughter hit the closet door with one good squirt of poo. I’m glad that door was closed!
In the meantime, is there anybody you’re mad at? Somebody you could invite over to see the baby? And then go make tea or something just at changing time? People often offer to help with babies, you know.
Heeee. thirdwarning, you’re really mean. I like that.
What got me was the inability of diapers to do what they were supposed to do- contain. Going through lots of diapers was expected- I hated the idea of either of the kids (one of each flavor) sitting in poop or pee. Dodging the Man-Cub’s pee was easy- I’d cover the potentially dangerous member with a flap of old diaper, slip new diaper under old, remove old, wipe, clean up, close new diaper.
The Fem-Bot rarely if ever had the uh… er… accelerative urinary force to hit me. She would, however, wait till my hands were busy close to the Area Of Supreme Danger before letting loose with what can charitably be described as a few gallons of new urine. Sometimes it’s the quality, sometimes it’s the quantity.
I miss having babies around. This part? Not so much.
Man, we have been SO lucky; UncleBill and I were just discussing this recently, and neither boy has peed during a diaper change in at least a month, and neither of us could remember the last time before that. It used to happen from time to time when they were tiny, but it just hasn’t been a problem at all lately.
Oh, and we’ve basically given up on changing them out of barfy outfits. They get wiped off, and wear the same clothes until bedtime. The babies don’t seem to mind.
Boy changes have to be fast, no doubt about it. If the used diaper was wet but not poopy, I would lay it absorbent-side down over the weenie while I was getting the new diaper ready. Then, grab the ankles, up goes the butt, a quick slide under and UP with the flap!
I never got peed on but the hubby did. Served him right for being so out of practice with the process… Seriously, if the kid had a poopy diaper but I waas expected home within the hour, he would pretend he didn’t notice and leave it for me. Seriously.
10-12 diapers per day was nothing, in the beginning. Why aren’t the smallest sizes sold in larger quantities? I NEEDED the newborns in the 100 pack, thankyouverymuch.
I think our max is three at once right now. And for the past few weeks it’s been a quantity game. She’s down to one poop per day (or every other day), and it’s HUGE. If you catch it just as it happens it’ll be two to three diapers, it she’s been sitting in it for a little while (particularly if she’s in her jumper) it’ll come out the back of the diaper and work it’s way up to mid back ruining all clothes on the way up…and it smells like butter…strange.
Our sweetpea was a preemie so even the smallest diapers were too baggy around her scrawny little legs, so for the first couple of months there were a lot of leaks, lots of middle-of-the-night total outfit changes …
Since almost day 1, she had a little trick we called the Bellagio - we’d put the new diaper under her bum, on top of the old diaper. Coast appeared clear. Then as SOON as we pulled out the old diaper to do up the new one - WHAMMO this magical fountain of pee would begin, soaking the new diaper, her outfit, the change table …
Such fun. She doesn’t do it anymore, and only poops about once a week (she’s 6.5 months and breastfed) … we were happy when the diaper changes slowed down to about 6-7 per day.
