An excellent deduction. I can see where that that might be a problem with a boy.
Basically, though I’ve reached the point where pee doesn’t bother me. I recall changing a diaper in the middle of the night. I didn’t realize she peed in the bed until I climbed back in.
As I lay there in that sodden puddle of urine, I thought about getting up and changing the sheets. Then I thought “Fuck it. It’ll dry,” and just went to sleep.
yep, you’ve got a daughter or else you’d never have said “I’ve reached the point where pee doesn’t bother me” (you’ve obviously never gotten shot in the face with it). But gotta tell ya, does my little divorced heart good to see a dad changing diapers with humor and making statements like “fuck it, it’ll dry…”
After posting, this reminded me of the first time I had to change my daughter’s diaper. I had never changed one before, and the day she came home my wife wanted to get out of the house, so she ran to the store. Then the poop started. While changing her, the poop went on forever. Ok, probably like a minute. But it seemed like forever. It took me at least ten minutes to get the damn diaper on her. I couldn’t get it fastened tight enough because I was afraid I was going to squish her. Good for you Scylla, more dads should be like you.
I cracked up just reading the thread title. On the grand scale for sly, sneaky, funny, deadpan perfect threads, this is a TKO.
Being childless myself, I’ve sucessfully avoided much diaper changing. But even my limited experience has proven that male infants react very enthusiastically to the rush of open air on their private parts. (Doubtless they’re practicing.) It’s somewhat disconcerting to get the soggy wrappings undone only to have the tiny male squint, strain and happily produce a brand new stream.
The fact that they beam proudly and are really only adding to what’s in process of being disposed helps some, I guess. Cute little fountains, really.
When our little angel was pre-mobile, he had the diaper from hell. I thought it might be bad before we got it off, but I didn’t know how bad. I happened to have the video camera running, thinking we might get a cute little videotape of a diaper change. When Daddy got the diaper unfastened, the camera starts shaking because I am laughing so hard and saying “Oh My God!” over and over. It was poop everywhere–unbelievable. Only another parent could believe it.
That’s a treasured bit of videotape, and Junior will be watching it when he gets older. It’s very soothing now when he’s running away from me before his rumpus is clean. A few weeks ago, he got away from me in the bathroom and then slipped and sat down HARD on the tile. Big smear. Then did it again. Thanks, darling. At least it wasn’t on carpet.
I’ve been dealing with everything in your OP, Scylla, for the last four years.
My daughter was 2 1/2, and not quite potty trained yet, when my son was born in October 1999. So, I had one in Pull-Ups and one in diapers. The girl (LittleGoddess) finally got the hang of the potty a few weeks after BabyGuy was born. I think what eventually happened was she saw us changing little baby diapers and said to herself “hey, I’m not a little baby!” and she started using the potty exclusively. Took a little longer for total nighttime dryness, but not that long.
Yep. Been there, done that, worn the tshirt out.
If you leave them alone with it long enough, it is.
One morning I woke up to find my daughter hadn’t come out of her room yet. But I heard this thumping noise coming from her bedroom, like something beating on the wall. So I go in to see what’s up. I see her standing on her bed, butt-naked, making handprints on the wall. With poop.
You know those cute pastel baby-handprint-patterned things? That’s what it looked like. She’d done a near-perfect border midway up the wall. If it hadn’t been poop, it would have been downright charming.
This is really funny because this could be me. I’ve been changing diapers non stop for over three years and I will let everyone know that little girls can also get some good range when peeing.
Poop is hilarious as long as it’s yours and not mine to deal with.
I once estimated that I have changed well over 4000 diapers in the past three years. I can change them in my sleep.
Am I fast? Damn right.
With the littlest Feynnling approaching one year old I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. If she takes to potty training as she has to walking and talking I will be a happy dad.
Scylla - keep your chin up, it makes you harder to hit.
Thats it. I am officially cutting my testicles up.
Jeez, I don’t want to make kids. I would rather adopt a ready made one. If I adopted a 13 year old that would be great, that’s thier best age.
You are changing the diaper beacuse it is wet. Consequently, you are not prepared… ever… for your first realgolden arch. Future parents, consider yourselves warned. Not that it’ll do any good. snicker
I have an addition to the list:
Poop does not go in the cowboy boot.
It does not make you a ‘weel’ cowboy.
[sub]parental note: poop is very hard to clean out of mini cowboy boots especially after they have been worn for a good 10 minutes or so…) [/sub]
And I’ll bet my left nut I can beat anybody in a speed diaper changing contest.
oh … sorry … although I would have laughed harder if I was dealing with mine more day to day as opposed to leaving them with the wife while I am away in school.
