Assuming, of course, that they don’t wind up growing up at the exact same time. I’d say I feel about three years younger than I actually am, and that’s been consistent for a very long time. I’ve only dated one woman who was older than me, and she turned out to be literally crazy.
A question for the OP: Are they both seniors? For some reason college seniors and high school seniors often seem to feel they have something in common. It only lasts if the college graduate is going on to get a postgrad, and even then it will likely fail after that, as most people who date a someone with postgrad ambitions want one themselves.
I must admit I’m still not entirely sure why different levels of maturity freak people out, and only when it comes to dating. I’d say half the guys and at least a third of the girls I know act younger than they are. And I’m including acquaintances, so it’s not biased based on my maturity level.
As I said, it could happen. I don’t know any of the individuals involved. And Pullet pointed out it worked for her.
But all that said, the odds are against it. Like Markxxx said, most people grow a lot between 18 and 23. If this guy didn’t grow up then, he’s not very likely to grow up now. In five years, she’ll be a young adult of 22 and he’ll be a 30 year old teenager.
Please, please ask your daughter what kind of birth control she prefers and don’t just force her on hormonal birth control. I have good friends who have had terrible reactions to hormonal contraceptives, one of whom became seriously depressed for about two years after taking them for 8 months. I think it’s a common fallacy to automatically assume that they are the best thing for a young woman.
Come on now. What if, unlike you, they actually have realistic expectations of what their 17 year old daughter is going to do and condone her being in control of her own body to do it? Why does sex automatically = children? They’ve already discussed birth control and sex quite extensively.
I don’t think it really needs to be said, but do not do this. Shouldn’t be wasting her time in a relationship she doesn’t want to be in? Clearly she does want to be in the relationship or she wouldn’t be in it!
God, what a bunch of terrible advice all condensed down into one post.
It is not “what you do in order to select a spouse”; it can be but (please do not read this if you’re fainthearted, TexasDriver) not everybody wants to get married and it’s pretty much part of the definition of both “17 years old” and “23 years old” to be figuring out what they want their life to be like: this includes figuring out whether they do or do not want to get married. And some people do not want to get married and do want to have sex, either casually or as part of long-term relationships: o tempora, o mores!
(That’s Latin for “won’t someone think of the children?”)
My parents got together when my mother was 17 and my dad was 24. Think it’s their 35th anniversary this year. Just saying. (Not saying that a relationship can only be a good thing if it leads to marriage though, that would be silly.)
I don’t personally think there’s that much chance of accidental grandkids at this stage; the older guy who tells his teenage girlfriends ‘not to tell, people won’t understand’-yes I’d be pretty worried; the older guy who wants to meet the parents, owns his own place (with his mother staying!)… You know, I can’t see him wanting to get his teenage girlfriend knocked up at this point either.
When I was 25, one of my best friends (also female) was 17- never really felt that as a massive age gap. Really depends on the individuals concerned…
No, but you can stop her from respecting you. If she thinks you make hasty, stupid decisions, she will think “Well, mom & dad don’t know what they are talking about anyway” and as soon as she gets out of your reach she will do the stupid things anyway. Better to have her do them under your supervision and trusting you, coming home to tell you the issues.
I agree with those who say that a 25-year-old being interested in a 17-year-old is creepy. Yeah, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big an age difference. But looking at the different life stages they’re at now, it’s a *huge *difference. And it’s skeevy.
My husband’s roomate in college started dating a high-school sophomore when he was a junior in college. That’s what, maybe a 5 year difference? And it was incredibly weird then - we teased him mercilessly. Because no way were they both in the same place.
I’m not saying it’ll never work out, and I’m not trying to belittle those that did make a go of relationships that started in a similar way. I’m saying I totally understand where you’re coming from, TJ. My mom woulda lost her damn mind.
And here’s the interesting thing: I knew that, even back then. My parents’ rule was that you could date someone in your class or the class above or below you, but dating beyond that was right out. So even if I wanted to date someone outside that range, I wouldn’t have, because I knew the rules and respected them (and my parents). I wasn’t the lying or sneaking around type, I guess.
This too. It’s my job to keep the predators away. I don’ t care about earning the uninformed “respect” of an immature child. She’ll understand when she grows up.
I’d keep her in the dark about it anyway. What my daughters don’t know won’t hurt them. If Johnny Predator suddenly does a vanishing act, they don’t need to know why.
Unless there is some reason to think this guy is a creep (other than simply that he’s dating your daughter), I would not make a big deal out of it. Also, don’t use the “you lied” thing as a proxy for your real agenda which is to prevent her dating this guy. Both your daughter and the guy sound like good people. Just make sure she has birth control (which you’re already doing).
When I was 17 I started dating a man who was 27. I will concur with the earlier statment about your daughter outgrowing him. It doesn’t sound like this is a predator but rather a more immature than his age young man, and his real age is part of the attraction for your daughter. What will eventually break them up if you allow this to run it’s course is that he is more immature than that age.
Creepy Suitor:*** It’s none of your business, man. I will fuck you up.
Dio: No. You’ll try, and that little experiment will end in tears, my friend. So, again for the cheap seats, do not think, walk the fuck away - or let’s you and me go outside right now. It’s past my bedtime. Make a choice.
[Cut to Dio on the ground, being savagely beaten by Creepy Suitor]