How to Just Let Things Go?

I’ve had an ongoing parking war with a neighbor and it’s become clear that he is not going to change and it may just be time for me to drop it and learn to live with it.

It just eats at me though every morning and every night when he’s parked way too close to me. The whole thing has been blown up in my mind to be a bigger deal than it probably really is.

How do I just let this go and not be bothered by it? :frowning:

More details please. Is he or she in violation? Maybe get the authorities involved or a property manager or the HOA etc…

Since you’re looking for advice, moved to our advice forum, IMHO (from MPSIMS).


The situation will never be fixed. I’ve finally come to that conclusion.

I just need to find a way to accept it and not let it bother me as much as it does. It’s ruining my days.

Here are a couple of coping thoughts that work for me:

When you get angry, your body responds as if you’re being chased by a tiger: All the “fight or flight” systems click into high gear. This is great if you ARE being chased by a tiger, as the increased blood pressure, etc. helps you to do something about it. However, if you’re NOT being chased by a tiger, you are harming only yourself. When you feel yourself getting upset by something you can’t do anything about, remind yourself, “This is not a tiger.”

Also remember that the stress you are allowing yourself to feel is not hurting the source of that stress at all; it’s only hurting you. It’s raising your blood pressure, hampering your immune system, giving you indigestion.

Finally, don’t give the irritant free rent inside your head. You have better things to do.

There are things worth getting angry about. This is not one of them.

“Good fences make good neighbors”. Can you put up a fence between you?

Thank you! It doesn’t help that I deal with mild OCD and anxiety issues.

I just remind myself that one day the other dude might find himself in a situation where my help is seriously required, and I can smile and say, “Fuck you, asswipe”.

Seriously, it’s happened.

Without more specific details to give you advice in this particular case, I’ll give you some of my own approach to when behavior of other people bothers me. First, in this case, since it’s not clear, the first thing I always try to do is what I like to call the generousity interpretation. For example, say someone says something that’s offensive and it makes me angry (unlikely, but let’s just run with it). Rather than reacting as if that person either intentionally said it to hurt me, what other motivation could that person have had in saying it? Maybe they just aren’t aware that whatever they said is offensive or is a sensitive topic for me. Maybe that person even said it and felt ashamed enough about it that their response is to just sort of pretend it didn’t happen and kind of forget about it. Maybe that person said something that I took as an offense but they really even meant it as a compliment and I just took it out of context. That motivation may or may not be correct, but I have found that far more often than not, people don’t intend to be jerks, it’s just a misunderstanding or someone having a bad day or a simple mistake, and then it escalates to the point that hostility eventually does enter into it. Someone cuts me off in traffic, maybe I was in their blind spot, and it’s not like they can just turn around and apologize. Just hope it’s that, and let it go.

Now, maybe there just isn’t any reasonable interpretation that doesn’t make that person not a jerk. Maybe you’ve been very patient and asked nicely and he’s just like “go fuck yourself, I hate you and I’m going to make your life a living hell” or something. You still have to ask yourself what that person’s motivation is, and you can realize that a person can only get to you if you have that same sort of issue. As a bit of a weak, but obvious example, it’s like if you are a reasonably intelligent person, no one has ever doubted that, least of all you, and someone just keeps telling you that you’re stupid. If you are confident in your intelligence, it has no effect, but if you are lacking that confidence, it will quickly get under your skin. This applies is more esoteric ways as well. Maybe in this case, you one time parked to close to his car, he way over reacted and started parking next to your car for revenge. You have to ask yourself WHY that particular behavior would spawn that reaction in him, and why that reaction in him is making it so difficult for you to let it go. Maybe it’s respect? He feels like you disrespected him, so he’s disrespecting you and that’s why it’s getting under your skin. Well, why should someone who is going to deliberately be disrespectful, which inherently makes him not a respectful person, who misinterprets a minor mistakes a grave form of disrespect, make you feel disrespected? If you can get that confidence in the idea that the respect or disrespect that type person is irrelevant to your own self-respect, then you’ve rendered that behavior powerless, and it’s easy to let go.

Basically, the idea is that pretty much anything that another person can do that doesn’t actually blantantly cross the rights/legal line, is something that you can render powerless by reflecting on yourself rather than just seeing it as being that person. And, of course, if they do cross that line, where he’s damaging your property, then you need to get the authorities involved. Short of that, it’s really just a matter of understanding exactly why it bothers you as much as it does, and once you do, it’s a lot easier to just let slide.

And beyond that, until you can get to a point like that, find a good way of letting it out without involving that person. Any time you react to him, it reinforces his desire to do it. If you’ve accepted that asking nicely won’t change it, then any other way you need to let it out, make sure he has no idea. Maybe tell a friend, or listen to music, or exercise or meditate. Don’t complain to neighbors or post it on facebook or whatever. Eventually it just won’t be worth the effort anymore and it’ll probably at least get less severe, and it’ll make it that much easier to just let it slide.

What MLS said.

You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you do. Why let your neighbor have control over your feelings? Being pissed off at them will never make their head explode, no matter how much you may want it to (and it sounds like you may have tried), but it could possibly make your head explode, and that is just never worth it.

Bottom line, some people are just dicks. Don’t let them turn you into one, too.

• Have you tried asking the neighbor to park a bit farther from your car?

• Is it really difficult to get into your car the way he parks or does it just annoy you that he looks too close to your car? Do you have boundary issues in general?

• Can you park somewhere else? Arrange with someone to trade places with you?

eta: or maybe THIS.

He parks two feet from me to his right yet he has 15 feet to his left that he never uses. I think he does it so that he has an easy time backing out and leaving.

Talking to anyone in that family simply results in them getting defensive and yelling. They’re trash. They cannot be spoken too.

I can still park there but he makes it much more difficult for me than it need be.

I’ve made one last request to my landlord to do something. She likely won’t so I just need to deal with it and accept that the dude is just a huge prick.

Well, yeh there’s plenty of jerks in the world. At least he hasnt dinged your car so there’s that, right? Dont let it upset your dosha and set a bad tone for your entire day, hun. There will always be things we cannot control, so let it wash over you like water. Rain off a duck’s back, as my Dad used to say.

Can you park in the 15 feet of space he leaves to his left?

No but he has twice accused us of hitting his car (we never did). He threatened to sue me if I didn’t pony up the $600 dollars to fix the non existant scratches on his car. I just ignored the request and now wonder if his parking so close is some type of passive aggressive payback (though he parked too close even before that incident.)

In situations like that, I’ve turned it into something humorous. "Oh there goes ole ______ again, parking too close to my car. [shaking head] Some people sure do strange things.

I’ve even considered legal action but have no idea what they would look like. A restraining order on his car to stay 20 feet away at all times?

Buy a second car. A wreck. Park it between your car and his. Jack it up and put it on blocks. Problem solved. :wink:

If I were in your situation, I might just try thinking of Parky McJerk as an immovable force of nature, just part of the world that you have to accept. Fire is hot; bricks are heavy; Parky McJerk parks too close. You don’t get mad at fire for being hot; you just take care not to touch it. You don’t get pissed off at bricks for being heavy; you just handle them carefully and make sure not to drop them on your foot. You don’t seethe with rage at Parky McJerk for parking too close; you just take care not to scratch his car.