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How is the vermin situation panning out three months after the fact?
An early comment, something to the effect that groundhogs only move for soybeans and sex, gave me the notion of the sacrificial anode approach. Briefly, if you attach a more easily corroded metal (say, zinc) in electrical contact with a metal that you want to protect (say, the steel superstructure of a submarine’s main ballast tank) from a corrosive medium (say, seawater), the more easily corroded metal will be sacrificed to galvanic corrosion instead of the metal you want to protect. I’m not sure how applicable this would be to your situation, but selecting a few plots on your property to be planted in soybeans MIGHT have the effect of drawing the beasts away from areas that you are hoping for a little profit from.
I vote for the exhaust idea. The lungs on people (and other warm blooded creatures) have a much higher liking for CO than they do O2. AS I recall less than 1% CO will kill a human, so it stands to reason that this concentration will also kill a ground Nazi.
A couple of suggestions here. first use a gas engine, no diesel (more CO produced) Remember it’s the CO not the smoke or smell that kills, CO is colorless and odorless.
Use a car or tractor that does NOT have a cat converter. (no reason to lower the CO content) if possible set the carb to run slightly rich (more CO!) Plug as many of the holes a possible and push the exhaust down one that is left and let her rip. If it is possible to get more than one car several exhaust pipes at different area would seem to improve you chances. I would let the cars run for a couple of hours.
Good luck
Rick
Hey alsmith/scylla–I think you’ve received quite a useful list of suggestions. Now what we need is some closure. Can you test some of these methods and let us know what works? We’re all dying to know! And you will be providing a great service in the fight to eliminate ignorance (not to mention groundhogs).
BTW, after reading your description of yourself and your surroundings–is the nearest town to you named Hooterville?
I’ve implemented some of the less violent ideas last weekend, and am planning on an Easter weekend massacre with some of the more workable suggestions. I will certainly post results, and possibly pictures. Heh Heh.
I get rid of our woodchucks with a “have a heart” trap (possibly spelled havahart) baited with peanut butter. I used to turn the trapped rodents loose on some nearby state land until I learned that it is illegal to transport a wild animal and cruel to the woodchucks as they will come into conflict with the current residents. Now I just shoot them in the trap. Once I kill a couple dozen of them it takes a year or two for the population to build back up. Reguarding poison, an article in the Northern Nut Growers Association newsletter once recommended a mixture of peanut butter and plaster of paris for squirrels but I never got around to trying it.
Scylla, this isn’t just about the Evil Nazi Groundhogs anymore: it’s much bigger than that. It’s about your neighbors, and your standing among them. It’s about the pride of all city folk and former city folk everywhere.
Your neighbors are already talking about you. If you fail in this task, the locals will laugh behind your back, and perhaps in front of your back. The cause of city folk will be set back decades.
But if you win… It will be a victory for all mankind. They will tell of your tale for generations, when ever a person asks “did anyone ever defeat these groundhogs?” They will reply “Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of [Scylla]. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell…”
The whole world is watching, Scylla. You must not fail.
Just wanted to mention ahead of time that this has been a hilarious as well as informative thread. Using my imagination, though, I have a few ideas to share:
Don’t try to drown the rascals. Instead, fill up their maze of tunnels with water and add piranhas down the tube. The major problem with this idea is keeping the tunnels filled with water long enough to keep all the fish alive… but if it did work, you could just let them die. I think fish are pretty good fertilizer.
According to this page (http://www.hoghaven.com/gfaq.htm), groundhogs will eat pizza, but it’s not good for them. I don’t know if that means heartburn or a deadly allergic reaction to cheese.
BTW, I love the quote from that page: “If more people would simply get to know us, they would recognize what wonderful and gentle creatures we are!” and “In digging our burrows, we improve the soil (by allowing more air and water to get underground, this helps break down the soil to form more valuable topsoil), and our abandoned dens provide homes for other animals including foxes and skunks. The latter two animals aid farmers by catching and eating millions of injurious small rodents and insects that are harmful to farm crops. So you see, we actually help the farmers!”
Riiiiight… (pinky lip kiss).
This page (http://www.wctech.com/hbt.htm) goes into detail about the various dangers to groundhogs. Apparently one of the greatest killers is hibernating too long. So, if you could somehow convince them it’s still winter (stuffing lots of ice down their holes?), maybe the wouldn’t make it.
Killing the young should be a priority, in my opinion. Groundhogs don’t live that long, so shooting them only means your doing the job that mother nature would end up doing anyway. Since the young are so small, the idea of snakes, especially non-poisons ones (garter?), might not be a bad idea. They wouldn’t have to be too big and could probably eat several without having to wait too long for digestion.
I have more ideas, but I think that’s all I’ll cover right now.
Ah to kill Groundhogs. Nasty varmits.
I found the most effective method is to trap them with a have a hart trap. They love iceberg lettuce.
Bait the trap, let them consume and then have a hart. Take them out back and shoot them in the head with your 22.
This may sound brutal, but I can assure you, the 22 dispatches them quite quickly.
I usually dig a hole prior to the execution of the sentence. Seems like the groundhogs never get used this and keep on coming into the trap. While you never win the war, you can nicely manage the problem. Eventually, if you can get the pregnant females you can definitely make a dent in the populations.
As for gassing them, a neighbor grew up on a farm in Canada. A garden tractor doesn’t do it. You need a big truck or other car sized vehicle. Put the hose in and let it run for an hour or so.
I know this may sound like a huge joke, but I mean this will all of the seriousness I can muster. Have you ever thought of closing the Alfalfa Farm and starting a Gopher Farm? You could sell their fur for money. Also, Justin, TX is between where I work and where I live, I’d be happy to drop some of their hide off for you, so those people could take a look. I bet it would make a really nice lace-up roper.
Then again, you would have those animal rights freaks knawing at you, which would be worse than the bite your pup sustained. They bear many similarities to Gophers (or whatever you want to call them, I’ll refer to them as “Gophers.”)
They hang around and cause problems. 2. You can try to gas’em, but they will always survive. In fact, I’ve seen some of them on television fighting and kicking while the gas is being applied. At lease Gophers are smart enough to lay low during “gas application.”
I hear that it may take something a little stronger than a .22 to take them out, too. And finally…
I hear they both taste like Chicken.
In all seriousness, I think this is the best solution at this point. You could market your story, which seems to make things popular these days. Further, I have wasted valuable sales time reading all of the suggestions, Juicy Fruit?..c’mon…it would lose its flavor before it could become lodged and the gopher would be hunting for a napkin or tissue to spit it out in.
There is no way that you are going to beat these “SOB’s”. The term “cut bait” comes to mind. You are going to have to take drastic measures and they do not include an Alfalfa Crop. I will be more than happy to forgo my Alfalfa consumption for a year to someone who can actually stand the crap! Give it up…sell the fur!
ZenBeam: That’d be the General Sherman episode, no?
Scylla: I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the Vlad Tetris idea. Growing up in rural Indiana, I can remember the folks up the street hanging dead 'hogs on all their fences. Even if it doesn’t drive away the 'hogs, the drunk hunters might be a bit more disinclined from arguing with you.
Alternate solution, also drawn from Transylvania: To rid a town of a vampire infestation, “You have to kill the head vampire.” Maybe your problem is that you haven’t yet been able to kill the head groundhog? Not sure how to identify the head groundhog, but I’ll give it some thought today.
I am a new poster here, so be gentle.
I would just like to point out one fact that seems to have slipped past most everyone’s attention. That is the fact that gophers and groundhogs/woodchucks are two entirely different animals. Gophers are tiny, cute little critters, about mole sized, while groundhogs are the great, loathsome, lumbering creatures that destroy on a grand scale. I myself had a bad experience with a groundhog and a watermelon patch as a teenager, and after trying to shoot it, burn it out, etc., my Dad, brother and I just gave up. But good luck with your struggle against the marmots, anyway.
Dammit, Scylla, you don’t send a wolf hound in to do a badger hound’s job! What you need are dachshunds, and lots of them!!!
From the AKC page on dachshunds:
Any dog that can take out a badger can damn sure handle an overgrown chipmunk, sez I.
So here’s what you do: Get a regiment of weiner dogs, send a platoon down each hole. Presto, no more groundhog problem! Wolf hounds are no good, see. They can’t go down the holes. You’ve gotta hit these critters where they live!
We had a dachsund when I was a kid. That litttle bastard was utterly fearless. He would stand by the food dish and dare any of our several bigger dogs to take him on. None were up to the challenge.
One caveat. Since these areNazi groundhogs, and the dachshund is a German breed, you might have to run a few background checks on your troops. Wouldn’t do to have a turncoat in the ranks you know.
Oh, yeah. You say you lived in New York City? And now you’ve moved out into the country to do some farming? Keep Manhattan, just give you that countryside? Tell Eb I said hello.
Hey, since everybody else has posted ideas that range from practical to outlandish to truly warped, I figure I deserve a crack with a notion that qualifies as all three.
Allow me to present: The Rodent Oubliette.
Dig a pit maybe five feet across and twenty feet deep. Line it with bricks and concrete.
Seal the pit’s opening so wandering children don’t fall in. Leave the center open.
Make a chain-link or wire “tunnel” of sorts, shaped like a cross, four entrances, centered on the hole in the middle of the pit lid. The tunnel should be big enough for your 'hogs, but not big enough for children, dogs, etc.
Over the center hole, install a spring-loaded hinged trap door made of thick plexiglas or other slick surface.
From the ceiling in the center of the cross, directly above the trap door, hang a head of lettuce or succulent alfalfa or whatever the critters can’t resist.
Wait.
In theory, the 'hogs will mosey over at the scent, go into one of the chutes, arrive at the center to reach the bait, and drop through the trap door. They’ll get trapped in the mortared pit, and will expire.
Optional customization: Install a plexiglas window and flashlight hole to one side of the lid, so you can look down and keep track of how many critters you’ve bagged. If you want to go high-tech, put in a closed-circuit camera.
Drawbacks:
May require experimentation as to the ideal bait/attractant.
A fair amount of work to construct.
You’ll catch squirrels, cats, and other assorted wildlife.
And finally, if it works as intended, after a while, the smell will be pretty nasty. You’d probably have to remove the lid, seal the half-filled pit with concrete, and set up another trap.
Advantages:
After it’s built, next to zero maintenance is required; you’ll need only to freshen the bait periodically.
Won’t screw up your crops (liquid nitrogen), cut your feet (broken beer bottles), or pollute the atmosphere (running a combustion engine for two days solid).
And the #1 Advantage: Nothing will ever compare to the majesty of the Great Groundhog Pit-Wrestling Event. Print posters and tickets, and you’ll be able to retire before we find out whether Teak Boy or the Dimwit Druggie is our next Fearless Leader.
One thing I read, and I admit it sounds fairly disgusting, but that doesn’t seem to be an issue here, is to take one of the groudhogs that you shot, burning the corpse, and sprinkling the ashes in every hole youe find on your propoerty. The smell of burnt flesh does not only disgust humans, but has the same effect on “varmints” and they leave the area.
The sugestions of a city dweller (this was a method for rats).
Having grown up in the country and met more than my share of city slickers, I found your problem amusing, even as I recognized its seriousness. The first thing people from NYC find out when moving to the country is that Bambi and Thumper don’t really exist. Having said that, let me address your problem.
First: the final solution. Let your fields lay fallow for several years, and burn off the vegetation. Literally. Wait until a dry spell has set in and set the grass on fire, under VERY controlled conditions of course. Make sure only a small area (like 1/4 acre) is burning at a time, and have plenty of people with SuperSoakers or water buckets standing around. 90 acres could probably be done in a week, if you put in long days. This will remove the groundhogs’ food supply, and make living on your land untenable for them.
If you can’t do this, (which I realize is probably the case) you are left with an imperfect mix of temporary solutions. Besides shooting them yourself and inviting local hunters to shoot them around the clock (paying local kids $5 a carcass is a good idea), you should get dogs that are especially good at killing groundhogs. Size is not the answer. When I was growing up in rural Ohio, we NEVER had a problem with these critters, and our dog was a mutt named Sam that weighed about 40 pounds. (On a side note: Sam met her demise under the wheel of a pickup truck, and within 6 months we had groundhogs EVERYWHERE.) She just knew how to fight. I personally witnessed her kill a half-dozen groundhogs, a raccoon, several rats, even some mourning doves that were a little too overtaken with grief to realize she was getting too close. Believe it or not, smaller, QUICK, agressive dogs are much, much better at killing groundhogs than big ones. Bigger dogs are actually at a disadvantage. Admittedly, it sounds like the 'hogs you’re dealing with are unusually large and aggressive. This comes from being well fed. You might want to think about training pairs of dogs to work together. This minimizes the risk to each dog and virtually insures the 'hog is a goner.
Cervaise’s comment that “since everybody else has posted ideas that range from practical to outlandish to truly warped” got me to thinking. Perhaps when you make that bonfire to smoke them out, make it out of marijuana. Stoned groundhogs with the munchies ought to be easy targets, especially if you leave some nice food laying around outside their holes. And when the first gunshots are heard, they won’t immediately scramble back into their holes. <POW!> “Whoa, what was that noise? <POW!> Oh, hey, peace man. Got any juicyfruit?”
