I’ve just learned, via a link to someone’s blog on Facebook, that an acquaintance of mine is a cross-dresser, and he’s exploring whether it’s only clothes-deep or if he may want to transition to female in the future. He’s just starting to be open about it, testing out his female persona in public. He’s very hesitant and very scared, but he’s tired of hiding it all. I’m proud of him for coming out about it and sharing it with his friends, and I know he’s probably going to get some friction for it, which sucks. That’s why I’d like to know what, if anything, I can say or do in order to show some support, without being too nosy.
I don’t see him in person very often, only a couple times a year, but we’ll both be on a week-long cruise in February (with a few hundred others; it’s a big nerd cruise). He’s decided that he will try to bring out his female persona during that week.
I don’t have much experience with this sort of thing, and I don’t want to end up saying exactly the wrong thing and offending or hurting him. As I said, we’re not close, but he really is a super guy and I enjoy his company when we do get together in groups, and I would like to extend a little support (but only if that’s appropriate).
I’ve been in exactly that position. My friend, biologically male, wanted to go to a public event in his female persona. I volunteered to be his escort. We talked out all the things that would make us uncomfortable (for instance, I didn’t feel good about him using a women’s restroom, so he agreed not to.) Once we’d negotiated all the things that might have caused trouble… It was okay! It worked.
The key support to give is…to be there at all. To accept the premise in the first place. Not to condemn, not to criticize, not to obstruct, but to let it happen. It was a bit scary (for us both.) And, yeah, there were some rumors that he and I were lovers. We shrug and laugh.
Support in the form of simple non-judgemental acceptance is 80% of what is needed. Being in the company of someone you trust makes the event much more comfortable…for you both.
I think I’d try to be humourous about it, and just…ask him questions! He might be a little tired of or afraid of people just afraid to ask questions; he may have lots he wants to talk about, but not have that many sounding boards.
Having dealt with this a few times as a girl dealing with men who wanted to dress as women, I took them shopping or gave them fashion advice.
For someone not too close, I would probably invite a few people for beers and hang out with him (as her) and make sure he knew it wasn’t a game-changer for anyone.