Not offended. Just puzzled.
Not only did I read the OP, I read all of the posts afterward. Many of which are offering up snappy come-backs. Is it OK if I respond to them or can I only respond to the OP?
I’ll thank you to not put words in my mouth. I said no such thing. I even offered the most straightforward, unpretentious, non-snarky way of answering the questioner.
For someone responding to all of the other people and not the OP you certainly seem to be aiming your advice (and ire) at the OP. Explain where you were addressing the others in your last paragraph which I will repeat below:
Huh, sure seemed to be aimed squarely at her.
PS: How did I put words in your mouth? Unlike what you did (responding to these “others” while addressing the OP) I mentioned “a few people in this thread are acting like __________” That’s a far cry from putting words in your mouth.
“don’t use a snappy comeback” = don’t take the advice given by many of the respondents in this thread.
You said: Honesty can sometimes be quite rude in itself, and a horribly bad idea.
There it is. I gave you credit for meaning something different, but you have not disassociated yourself from that statement, so now I assume you meant it.
I have an open mind. Go ahead and give me examples of honesty being bad, and/or dishonesty being good. If you can’t then shut the fuck up.
You have mistaken me for someone else. I am very willing to read whatever you can say on the subject. Whenever I am wrong, I acknowledge it. Once again, give me your examples, or shut the fuck up. I am not the advocate for dishonesty in this discussion.
Yes. I said sometimes. Get the difference?* Sometimes I hate my job* does not mean I hate my job. *Sometimes my girlfriend is drunk *does not mean my girlfriend is drunk. *Sometimes my car is in the shop *does not mean my car is in the shop. Is this concept all that difficult for you to grasp?
I did mean it. You just didn’t understand it.
Your mind is open? Then explain this, where you clearly tell me that you don’t want to hear any counter argument. “* I still disagree with your basic concept that honesty is ever rude, or ever a bad idea. Don’t bother telling me the exceptions you think exist.*”
See above.
You know what. I’ve been rude and presumptious. I didn’t think you meant anything more than you’ve said. And I’ve been acting like a dick in arguing with you instead of just clarifying. I still disagree with your concept of honesty sometimes be a horrible idea, and would like to continue that discussion, but I’ve probably poisoned the well. If you can forgive me, I’d like to find out what you mean. Our differences may have to do more with the definition of honesty. I believe it requires two components, a sincere and reasonable belief in factuality or truth, and an obligation to provide such. So it is not dishonest to say no when the Nazis ask if you are hiding Jews in the attack, because you are not obligated to give them factual information. At the lesser extreme, if a stranger asks you how that hat looks on them, you are not obligated to give him your opinion. In addition, making a factual statement unsolicited can be rude, because you are not obligated to do so. It would indicate an intent to offend. It is under that definition that I don’t think honesty can be rude. People shouldn’t ask questions when an honest answer would offend them.
People ask me all the time how much I paid for my horse. Not ‘horse people’, not because they are interested in purchasing him or because they want to get something similar and are actually shopping for themselves. Just because they want to know. And I find it unspeakably rude and annoying, since I would never dream of asking how much they paid for their furniture or car or home.
That may be part of the OP’s annoyance - the information about how much it cost is just gossip, a curiosity, something to get incredulous about, not because the asker genuinely wishes the information for its own sake.
In my situation, I’ve found that telling them that a horse is like a car - you can get a $200 beater or a $100,000 Porsche, but they are not created equal - usually satisfies their curiosity. I’ve also tried, “what difference does it make?” , which I acknowledge is rude, depending on how pissed off they have made me. I have also taken the direct route, just telling them directly that I’d prefer not to say.