I recently joined match.com and have gotten some e-mails and winks from women in whom I am not interested. I am looking for some advice on how to say “No thanks” – politely.
Winks you can safely ignore. When I receive an e-mail from someone I’m not interested in, I thank them for their e-mail, tell them “sorry, but I’m not interested”, and wish them well.
You’ll find that the SOP is to just ignore any correspondence, but I think that’s a crappy way to go about it.
If you want to be helpful, you could offer a detailed list of why you didn’t find them attractive. Make sure you cover the faults in both their picture and profile, and be specific. “You’re too fat and you write like a third-grader” is only somewhat helpful, while “your ass is too fat and you write like a third-grader who slept through the lesson on not mixing verb tenses” is much better.
People on dating sites love constructive criticism.
Well, I thing a polite thank you for writing but I’m not interested is certainly the way to go.
I am curious though how you know you’re not interested when all you have to go on is their profile? Is this a case of a bad writing, bad pictures or just a case where your gut instinct is telling you it’s a non-starter?
I always send a thank you for writing or thank you for a wink/whatever the service calls it just because I don’t get that many women who actually write to/wink at me first. I think that women doing so should be encouraged, even if I don’t think they are right for me I will thank them and then give a general idea about my reservations after reading their profile.
Then again I’ve got it somewhat easy since I can give them the moral high ground by saying it sounds like they are looking for something long term/committed and I’m not (and I’m rather direct about that in my personals profile).
Thanks so much for expressing interest in me. I really appreciate the (check all that apply):
email
wink
additional pictures
note from your Mom
detailed evaluation from your last three psychiatrists
marriage proposal
sheet (upon further inspection, I see that the sheet is a pair of panties–wait, how the hell did you get my address?)
Unfortunately, I will not be pursuing a relationship with you because (check all that apply):
I’ve met someone else
I like Ella Fitzgerald’s style of singing but I’m not quite as enthusiastic about it as you appear to be
I’m allergic to thirty cats or more
You’re funny looking. I mean seriously, did you even look at the picture you sent me?
I’ve decided to kill myself
Good luck!
Pretty much just how you’ve said it here. Something like “thanks for writing, but I just don’t think there’s a match here.” I ignore winks, but answer emails. At least when I’m paying.
My BIL is on match.com, so I was just wondering: What the heck is a wink?
If you’re not a paying member, it’s a wat to let someone know you’re interested in them. All it does it give the person a note saying “so and so winked out you, go look at their profile to see if you’re a match!” or something to that effect. You aren’t allowed any message with a wink, so if both you and the person you winked at are using the free service, well, then, odds are nothin’s gonna happen since you can’t communicate effectively beyond that, save for putting your email or IM username in your profile.
I know I’m in the minority on this, but personally I’d prefer NOT to get a rejection email. I think it’s easier on the ego to just not get any response. It’s kind of a let down to see you have new mail only to discover that it’s a “thanks but no thanks”.
As a couple of people have suggested – winks require no response (though one is nice if there’s a clear reason – I had one guy respond to a wink with “sorry, I’m a smoker”). An email requires some kind of response – I’ll say “I don’t think we’re a good match” or (frankly) lie and say “sorry, I’m seeing someone right now.”
I was on Match.com a few years ago I got a lot of responses from men I wasn’t interested in, I eventually stopped sending them a reply, which is the easiest way to do it, because some men think if you reply and say “sorry not interested” if they carry on emailing you three times a day, for the next ten days you’ll change your mind :rolleyes:
I signed up for the freebie account again a few months back and was Winked by a guy who’s user name seemed awfully familiar, I checked out his profile and that looked awfully familiar, then he emailed me, and it was word for word the exact same email he’d sent me via a different site two years ago. It’s like 5 pages long and isn’t very interesting [goes on about his super kids and his nasty ex wife]. I remember the first time he sent it, I replied telling him -“dude no one’s going to sit through that email, it’s so obvious it’s been pasted from a Word doc and sent out to every available woman on the site” He emails me back and gets all snitty saying he’d heard from some lovely ladies on the site and that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve to find a mate. Hmm apparently none of the lovely ladies took him up on his offer tho’ did they?
It’s never occurred to me to reply to any of the responses I received from my online personal ad.
I pretty much signed up for the entertainment value, then I met my bf a week later. For a year I have gotten inundated with silly advances from the men on the site. I think you actually have to pay to respond, and I never bothered.
It is fun to forward the real weirdos to my girlfriends. I swear dudes will respond even if they don’t have one thing in common with your profile.
So yeah, just ignore the advances.
Those’d be the same guys that post ads in the local papers, “To the blond in the green Mustang, Perkins parking lot, 2:30 p.m., Saturday; you were driving away as I pulled up. Our eyes met. Want to meet for coffee?”
Of *course * we think we have something in common - you have boobs, and we like 'em!