‘Best friend syndrome’? Been there, done that. My advice on that? Honest? Here goes.
Be the best dammn friend that girl can have - bar none. Show her what she could have but now can’t. It can’t just be an act - it has to be real.
Remember, don’t get pissed, don’t get upset, don’t do anything stupid. Just be really really really nice. Like I said, be the bestest friend a gal could have. Offer to set her up with your best friends or someone she likes, carry her books, cook her dinner, anything but ‘THAT’. It really drives them nuts trying to figgure it out.
Listen to Max Torque. And remember … Livin’ well is the best revenge. I talked to all my women friends and they all agree that this is a dumb idea. So, er, it must be good.
Next time you see her, get a little shitty in advance. You don’t need to get totally plastered, but a drink or too will loosen you up and boost your confidence considerably. Nearly every time I get drunk and there are ladies around I get a little action, even if the girls are cold sober, simply because I’m drunk and I can just be myself and not care. If this girl already has a friendly relationship with you and she is interested in you, all you have to do is go and take it. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
realm,
I respectfully disagree with many of the responses posted. If the spark is there, it’s there. If it’s not, it’s not. Playing games is, IMO, a waste of time. That’s not to say that if she says ‘yes’ to a date, you don’t go all out, but that’s because you like her. Just talk to her in a simple and direct manner. As you can see in the dating world, that doesn’t happen too much. Ask yourself this, how would you feel if she came up to you and said something like, “We’ve known each other for awhile now and I’ve grown to really like you. I think there’s a chance this relationship could develop into something more. I’d really like to take you out to dinner.”
If someone whom you were interested came up to you and said that with honesty, your feet would be officially swept.
Do NOT use alcohol to create a false sense of confidence or to be “yourself”. The only thing you teach yourself then is that ‘I have to drink to be myself. I have to drink to talk to a woman. What is wrong with me that I have to drink to be myself?’
When you are direct and honest with the “right” woman, you will sweep her off her feet.
I first met my wife in a social situation, and was having trouble moving it up a level.
Finally I just had to do something.
At a party, I caught her eye across the room, and very slowly and deliberately I gestured with my finger for her to come over. As she came towards me I kept eye contact and slowly backed up into a secluded alcove.
She stopped about arms distance away, and smiling I again gestured. She took another step forward, and very slowly I leaned down and kissed her.
Does it seem strange that most of the advice that has been given on this thread is from males?
You cannot use generalization. All women are not the same just as all men are not the same. A picnic? Don’t even suggest that to me. But the next lady might love it.
You are already her friend. You should have an idea of what her likes and dislikes are. Invite her to something that you already know she likes. The breakfast idea was good. If you say that she is shy, she may not want to eat in front of you. Believe it or not guys this is a big deal. Talking to my friends, and speaking for myself, women just are not comfortable eating around men until a relationship has been established.
You don’t want to do the flower thing, how about a small stuffed animal?
Lots of things that can be done that are different. The more you use your imagination, the better chance you will have of convincing her you are interested in her.
Alcohol? Forget it. If that’s how you have to win your lady, something is definitely wrong somewhere.
The first date I had with my SO was blind and very… neutral. Both of us were guarded. We went to lunch on a weekend and then went shopping. It ended in a short hug and me feeling like I should have been a bit bolder.
So I sent her an email - not a phone call - and told her I’d had a good time, I liked her company, and I thought she was cute.
The next time I saw her she was, ahem, estastic to see me, and mentioned she wouldn’t have seen me again save for that little email which had completely charmed her.
Ive been involved with so many women that I have come to the conclusion that its far easier to go from friendship to having sex with friends than it is to go from a sexual relationship to friendship. Are there any women with a lot of guy relationship experience who can give a woman’s side to these?
Geez, this is weird - I could have written something similar to the OP a month ago.
There was a man I really like(d) and we hung/hang out about twice a week. We get along very well, neither of us is shy, and yet nothing happened for about 5 long months.
Until Friday.
Blame it on A LOT of Jagermeister and having a conversation about sex. ruadh has the right idea - alcohol was the trick, apparently. We both lost any doubts we may have had and presto… not getting into it.
In my opinion, the best part of a relationship is the excitement of getting to know someone cool and the anticipation of what’s to come and the sexual tension that puts butterflys in your stomach. Because what sucks now (in my case) is that now our friendship (or more than friendship - don’t know yet) is going to be different no matter what.
Enjoy this pre-sexual part! The inevitable will happen when the time is right.
Take her to a place where you ususally don’t go as friends.
Bring a small inexpensive present like flowers, candy, or a stuffed bear.
Don’t forget the breath mints.
Iron your clothes.
Get a haircut.
Wear nice shoes. Do not wear those dirty tennis shoes you wear everyday.
About alcohol. Be careful. If you are a young inexperienced drinked you can quickly go from “feeling good” to “needing to puke.” I quit drinking myself. I don’t have an alcohol problem, but even 1 or 2 drink will give me a bad hangover.
I have had 2 very good male friends in my life that I would have considered dating. I already knew we got along swimmingly, I had gotten a chance to get to know them as friends, we had great friendships, and there was a definite sexual spark between us. When the guy decided he wanted to move things forward, into the dating arena, I declined twice and accepted once.
For the one that I did date, when the relationship was over, it broke my heart. I not only lost a boyfriend, I lost a best friend, since we had been such good friends beforehand.
For the other one, I declined the invitation because I knew what would happen if we broke up… I would lose him altogether. I am still very good friends with him, though he never hangs out with me when he has a girlfriend, only when he’s single.
Does that help anyone?
Some more thoughts:
I’m often physically attracted to a guy a short time
after we become friends (a short time being anywhere from a few weeks to a year) Why? Because when I find out I like a guy’s sense of humor, outlook on life, intelligence, etc, enough to be really good friends with him, he becomes physically attaractive.
That phase is short-lived, however, and if it is not acted on, he passes into the permanent friend category. Someone I just don’t think of “that way.” I’ve never had a guy work his way out of that category.
This only applies to close freinds, however. My experience with dating casual friends is much different.
I find it’s very easy to pass from casual friends to friends who have sex and back again if there is a enough beer around.
As above with the confidence thing. And eye contact. Lots and lots of eye contact. Just don’t be creepy and try to laugh.
Oh, if she likes you already well, just get her alone and ask her if you can kiss her. Never failed for me.
As for friend-zone… Yes it can be changed, but only if you drastically change the dynamic of the relationship; that is change where you hang out all the time, and change the way you interact with her.
Confidence in yourself (and nice clothes) are all that you need.
Oooo … I got shivers reading this … I think this is very romantic and sweet! Way to go Scylla.
By the way Realm, I was going to suggest a campfire in the evening, especially if you have a group of friends, maybe one of them has a guitar, go set up a campfire on the beach, this is loaded with romantic possibilities. Here’s one that “worked” on me:
Campfire at beach with group of friends, this guy and I wander off to go for a walk by ourselves. The stars are just coming out. He * very obviously * makes a wish on a star … prompting me to ask what the wish was. After a bit, he told me he was wishing I would be his girlfriend before the end of the night. His wish came true!!
how heavy is she? a shovel might do, or a broom and a large dustpan. a bulldozer if you can get your hands on one.
personally, i would just talk to her and tell her how i feel, but keeping it to a minimal amount of panting and drooling if possible, she might otherwise be scared away. I’d prefer it if she lifted herself off her own feet and just floated along beside me
well, It just came down to something as simple as talking on the phone. I called her on the phone, but she was busy looking after her sis. but we just talked for a while.
I guess that did it. No Romantic setting, which I guess is better, so she dosn’t feel pressured or anyhting, she was intrested in me because of me, not because of where we were. I like having that, an easy going relationship.
thanks for the advise.
>> and very slowly and deliberately I gestured with my finger for her to come over
I had a friend who used to do this. With his index finger he’d motion a woman to come over and when she did he’s just look at her. She’d ask “what do you want?” and he’d say:
“I just wanted to see if I could make you come with my finger”
“I guess that did it. No Romantic setting, which I guess is better, so she dosn’t feel pressured or
anyhting, she was intrested in me because of me, not because of where we were. I like having that, an
easy going relationship.
thanks for the advise.”
I’m a bit confused by that answer. You were already friends & from this answer, it seems you still are, right?
