this sounds lame, but there is this girl that I want hook up with, we hang out and go to clubs. but she is playing a little hard to get, that is mostly because she is shy (so am I). but I really can’t think anything to win her over. so in a desperate frame of mind, I’m asking the SDMB community for a little help… O.K. maybe I need a lot of help, but I want to surprise her, not the same old stuff like flowers (she works at a flower shop anyway). But I trust the SDMB for some intrusting ideas (did I just say that?)
“You hang out” Does this mean you have common friends that you may able to draw support from during this endeavor?
Try inviting her to breakfast after a night at the club.
Shy is a personality trait, playing “hard to get” is a mind-game. You may want to decide message shes sending. Do you want to hook up with someone who starts off by acting disinterested when she really is, or busy when she’s really not?
If you have common friends - solicit their help. It’s summer, have a BBQ (or get one of your friends to) - invite her to it.
As someone who’s experienced troubles in this dept, lemme tell you first of all what NOT to do.
If she says she wants to be friends, leave it the hell at that and don’t go asking for more.
If you send her something in the mail and she asks you not to do so, don’t do so. I did this with one female and haven’t heard from her in . . . Lordy, I don’t even know.
Find out who she likes from a mutual friend. She’ll probably ask this friend (“lucy”) who asked Lucy to ask her, in which case even if she does like you she probably won’t tell “Lucy.” This you do if for no other reason than to find out who else she likes.
Just hang out with her. If you’re feeling particularly brave one night, ask her to dance or go out for a walk or something.
As I haven’t had much success in this area either, that’s about all I can tell you.
‘there is this girl that I want hook up with, we hang out and go to clubs. but she
is playing a little hard to get, that is mostly because she is shy (so am I).’
Boy, I must be old as the new vocabulary has got me confused. For me, you would have this girl if you already take her to Clubs. So, how about that old Odgen Nash poem:
candy is dandy,
but liquor is quicker.
Believe me dude, all them girls require their own plans, specifically done just for the girl & well, we don’t know much about her.
Hmmm, well, I’m in exactly the same boat, except I’m the shy girl and he’s the shy guy. There are a few other complications that need not be gone into and I have basically decided the only thing that is going to hook us up is … alcohol. Lots of it. Good luck.
You don’t need a game, or a scheme, or a plan. What you need is confidence and that’s something will comes with practice and being able to believe in yourself and seeing the good things in yourself.
The truth is, women like confidence (not cockiness). Go up to her and tell her that you like her and you want to get to know her better. Would you like to go to dinner? If she shoots you down, you’re no worse off than you were before. In fact, you’ll be better off either way. Even if she shoots you down, you’ll feel good about yourself for trying. In addition, you’ll realize that a rejection of this type doesn’t sting too long.
And it’s okay when you go for it to feel a little anxiety/excitement. That just means you care about what you are going after.
Do something nice, but a little unexpected. You go to clubs all the time: how would she feel about some stand up comedy, or shooting pool, or dinner? The breakfast idea is excellent: Just ask her after a night at the club.
you don’t want corny, but you want to sweep gher off her feet? Often, corny is the way to go. just do something a little bit unexpected (A nice email for example). Surprise her. Be sincere. I can’t stress that enough. If you don’t believe in what you’re doing, how will she?
When you make your play, if she gives you the “let’s just be friends” line, say that that’s fine, and start focusing your attention on other women, especially while in her presence. She’ll start to question what’s wrong with herself such that you could so easily dismiss her and start making plays for you, just to reassure herself.
Women are intrigued by indifference.
(ooo, the nasty responses I’m gonna get for this one…)
“Sweeping her off her feet” is generally classed under the definition of “adventure dates”. Adventure dates work best early-on; girls tend to tire of them before guys do. Also, adventure dates usually only qualify if it’s something she hasn’t done before: you’re taking her out, not the other way 'round. On these types of dates, you don’t watch; you do. You don’t have to be an expert at whatever you’re doing, but avoid anything real strenuous or dangerous (rock-climbing is bad) and if you’re new at it also, say so beforehand. Always get her a souvenir; make sure she takes something nice home with her (besides you). - And resolve yourself to the fact that adventure dates cost Money.
The greatest idea I have ever heard of for a date is a balloon ride. The problem is, the pal o’ mine who pulled that one off has his own license, so he didn’t need to have the pilot along. It isn’t cheap (several hundred dollars), and there ain’t a lot of room for hanky-panky at altitude (particularly if the piot is a third person) and it isn’t possible to do everywhere, but it’s tough to beat if you can put it all together. -And he married her some time afterwards- (what a tragic waste of a great hook!). I think it was more than the balloon ride so that’s not any guarantee, but anyway.
Around where I am, horseback riding rates pretty highly also, assuming the girl never gets to do it otherwise. Girls tend to like horses - I’m not sure why, but it’s true. In most places horseback riding is pretty cheap, if you go for a guided trail ride. Generally you don’t really have to know how to ride; you just sit there and the horse will walk around the trail all by itself if you leave your hands off the controls. Buying her a cowboy hat for the occasion is a nice souvenir that isn’t too expensive, either -she’ll keep it even if she never wears it again, unless the date goes really bad. Places where you can take a horse and roam are nicer but more expensive, you have to know how to ride, and they patrol the place to make sure you’re not running or otherwise abusing the horses.
Boating may also be another option, depending on your locale. Renting a cabin-cruiser can cost several hundred dollars per day, but small Hobie-cats are only $~25/hr (around where I live) and not too difficult to handle, assuming that you can sail somewhat. Be warned: before taking her out on a sailboat, learn to sail yourself at least moderately well, or you won’t get away from the dock (or won’t be able to get back).
That all said, there’s not much you can do to make someone like you. She might go and have a great time, but still not want to do anything else with you. In that case, the best thing to do is suck it up like an adult, because it isn’t a total waste; you’ll still have had a good time and she will tell all her friends about you. Remember: they always tell their friends. - MC
Well, of course you don’t say them all at the same time or even within a week—I took it for granted someone would know enough to space them out and say them when it seemed appropriate------otherwise, you might as well write them on an index card and just give it to her.
Well, this is how it has gone so far, I asked a friend of hers and she is intrested in me. so I figure I might give the picnic Idea a shot, I live nearby a park with trees to shade off the sun. and outside activities are a bit limited due to the Texas sun. so many activties can’t be done in the middle of summer. but I think the picnic will do for now.
BTW, Handy, I am afflicted with “Best Friend Syndrome,” four times it has happened to me.
Not that I’ve ever consciously DONE any of these things.