As a long term thing, or a fling? Kind of limits your life options (no kids for example).
I know, I know… Not a long-term thing, she has a kid older than me and another my age. Oh yeah, she is married… 
Full disclosure-- I was that guy once.
Now, granted, it was an odd situation. She was invited to the wedding of one of my friends, and went to the (alcohol-sodden) afterparty as the designated driver. She was cute, so I chatted her up, turned out we had a shared interest in medieval history, and she said she was from a nearby town (with a branch campus of my big state university) but drove up here twice a week for Japanese classes, so we made a date to hang out.
A week later, one of the people whose wedding it was asked if we were seeing each other. I said, maybe, looking likely, why? Turns out the girl in question was 16, and going to HIGH SCHOOL in the neighboring town in question, and apparently claimed to not have even thought about the implications of what she’d said about her schooling.
Well, I balked with a quickness on the whole dating thing, having no desire to be a sex offender poster child. Talked to her for a good many years afterward, though, since we still had a good deal of shared interests/hobbies.
Weirdly this was the SECOND time that I’d mistaken a mid-teenager for a normally aged college freshman (the first, when I was 18-19 and a freshman myself, was a girl who was a 15-year-old college freshman and with whom I had an on-again-off-again relationship for a few years)–this wasn’t as skeevy, I suppose, because we were in the same phase of life. (as discussed by other posters)
Basically, I’d say it CAN depend more on the girl than the guy, but given my experiences when the age came out later, it’s certainly possible for a non-complete-loser guy to have enough in common with an above-the-maturity-curve 16-yr-old to date them successfully.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what you posted here, you “dated” this girl for what, a week? (And it sounds like you didn’t spend all that much time together–chatting at the wedding, and maybe one other date.) IMO that’s not long enough to be able to judge whether or not it would have qualified as “successfully.”
Totally agree.
I’m all for these two getting together, and for God’s sake the girl is 16! Her dad shouldn’t decide whether or not she see’s guys! You could have left school, joined the workforce and be sexually legal by 16!
Besides, you’ve said that the guy was a nice guy, and the girl is mature. Has she already had boyfriends? Why should people be against a guy that has been OK’d by a group of mothers? Plus he’s polite enough to get permission for a sleepover…
I was that guy once too, but not in real life. I met her online and she was actually 17 when I was 22. We both posted at the same message board (picture a site just like this one only with much stupider people–mostly in the age gap of 16-23).
The fact that we were dating long distance got out on that message board and I was branded a “pedophile” by most the members there and then banned from it by the admin (for “being a pedophile”).
I’m actually glad I was because it showed me I didn’t really need to be posting there anymore if people like that were posting there. : p
The girl and I dated for a bit longer and then called it quits. We had never even met (although we talked on the phone and wrote letters near every day)…so yeah, a lot would probably even argue if we were ever really dating at all. That didn’t stop my banning and brand as a child molester (on that board), though. But really, I don’t know what else I was expecting from a board with a memberbase mostly of 18 year olds who giggle at boobies, still, and go “LOL! LOL!” every post (and that was the majority of the posts, too).
Anyway, my opinion is: I don’t think it’s all that weird.
And someone above made mention of 21 year olds almost being done with college and 16 year olds being in high school. Well, when I was 20, I was still in high school (I was held back twice and failed once), so that’s not always the case.
Well, we only DATED that much. But like I said, we remained good friends for a good 3-4 years later (and still talk, though not as often these days), I think I can safely say we weren’t completely incompatible.
Depends a lot on your definition of “successful” too.
Note also that the 18/15 relationship I was involved in was an unqualified success, although due to the way our life stages were working out many would call it night-and-day different.
It sounds like his is kind of socially backward, and that’s why he’s into a younger girl.
Or maybe they just really like each other. My wife is six years younger than me. I started dating her when she was 18 and no one thought it was terribly odd.
Jeez, a 5-year age gap?! That’s no big deal at all. To my old eyes, they are both still children.
When I was 17, I dated a 24-year-old gal for a while. Nobody, even her family, thought it was weird.
If she had left school, joined the workforce, and started supporting herself, she’d be allowed to decide for herself. Since her parents still support her, they get to make the rules.
Well, obviously. No one is “completely” incompatible with anyone they’re friends with, or they wouldn’t be friends. But I think it’s impossible to judge how successful the relationship would have been without having actually had one. Friendship, even good, close friendship, is whole orders of magnitude different.
Agreed. The question is, is a 21-year-old-guy who can’t get any 21-year-old-women because of his awkwardness a good partner for a 16-year-old-girl?
I think one important point is that they’re at very different points in their lives. Now, in full disclosure, I dated a girl who was a frosh when I was a senior in HS. (Disclaimer: we were both in debate class together… no scamming on the ninth grade English class over here.) Three year gap, and I took a lot of shit for it. Even more of course when I went to college. Now that we’re in our 30s it doesn’t mean shit, of course.
I have to admit in our early days we both were very awkward and the relationship consisted of hand holding, long phone conversations with the actual verbal exchanges lasting about five minutes and extremely long pauses. When we were college aged, then we had more common things to talk about, ergo a relationship starts to develop with dimensions.
There’s nothing “bad” about a 21 year old guy having a libido. But it could be bad given the legal and societal issues around it. Realistically, if either of them have good sense, they’ll realize that it’s problematic with the 16-21 gap… and perhaps a year or so down the road, it might be better socially. In essence, it would probably be a good thing for both of them to try to keep things on a friend level until she turns 17 at least.
Why not? Maybe he’ll grow up socially as she does?
I have a 16 year old daughter.
If I found out a 21 year old was interested in her, I would confront him on the definition of statutory rape, the penalties thereof and let it be known I would make sure the law is upheld in his case.
If they want to see each other, fine. I won’t stop them though I will have talks with my daughter.
However, the decision to have sex? He can wait 2 years. If not, he will rot in jail.
Come 18 and they still want to be boyfriend and girlfriend and he seems a decent sort? Fine. I will welcome him.
My only problem with that SPECIFIC approach is that it seems like what you’re ACTUALLY doing is ensuring your daughter will never trust you to know about what she’s up to when you’re not around.
Where do you live, BlinkingDuck?
According to your profile, you live in Minneapolis, where the age of consent is 16.
So your daughter and her hypothetical 21 year old boyfriend could be doing the horizontal mambo in her room and screaming so loud the neighbors could hear and the worst thing that would happen to him is a citation for excessive noise.
ETA: Which, come to think of it, would likely be issued to you, as you own the house.
Minnesota. Land of 1 senator.
Holy crap…is that true?
Ignorance fought if it is.
Yes. Sorry, I forgot the link.
Hmmmm…
If true, this makes it tough as legally I have no support. I guess I would allow it (like I have a choice) with many talks with my daughter.
No sleeping over though. I’ve been pressured many times to allow guy friends to sleep over (not sexually overtly). My wife has even crumbled but I have always held firm…guys out after midnight. (They like to travel in packs and gender seems to not be qualifier on whether they are in the clique or not).
Now, I am not too worried about my daughter. She has a good head on her shoulders. I am more concerned about a boy crazy friend of hers. That is how I ‘won’ the argument for finality because she pulled the ‘don’t you trust me’ card and I brought up her friend…“I DO trust you…but what about female friend X? Do you think she might be tempted by male friend Y? You know she really likes him.”
She thought about it and a couple days later said I was right and has never asked again.