I’m thinking you’re right.
Because I’ve seen too many people get married out of boredom, stupidity, or a genuine lack of imagination as to other options. More to the point, I’ve seen what has become of those marriages (As an aside, I believe that a psychologist who is planning to specialize as a marriage counselor could do a lot worse than join the army for his internship. I can pretty much guarantee he will see every example of fucked-up relationships and marriages known to man.).
I am married, but my wife is every bit as weird, geeky, and independently-minded as I am. We’re monogamous, but that’s where similarity to “normal” marriages ends. Had I not met Mrs. Fresh, I have no doubt that I would be happily single today. Probably wandering around Korea in Pusan’s “Russia Town” sector, plying a trade as an English tutor, slowly starving to death, and loving every minute of it. So I’m rather glad I’ve met my weirdo soulmate in life.
In answer to the OP’s question, I’d probably say something like “Because every woman I was about to marry eventually found out my little ‘secret’ and ran screaming for their lives! What secret? Oh . . . nothing major. So, how about we get married tonight, right after dessert?”
Because I sleep with the window open?
But seriously, for my part its beause I’m an expert to screw things up. I have found the woman of my life at least twice, and I got almost married to one once. I guess I used to be one of them “nice guys”, too polite to address issues in a relationship. Thats were I screwed up, bigtime.
Maybe I’m just a late bloomer when it comes to relationships, but so far I haven’t even sprouted yet.
Because women find me repellent.
“Why do you rule out the possibility that I’m a superhero?”
With a tip of the pen to a comedian who appeared on ‘Dr. Katz’.
“So, why haven’t you married?”
“Never really wanted to.”
If the response to this is anything other than, “Oh, okay,” there’s not going to be another date to worry about anyway.
If the question comes further along in a relationship, the point where handing over spare keys and keeping extra toothbrushes at the other person’s place, I would probably elaborate that I share space very poorly. My record for consecutive time spent with another human being without wanting to shove them out the door is about 72 hours. If we aren’t stapled together and get to exit the house separately on a regular, preferably daily, basis, I can hold out about a month. I’ve had super-close friends and long-term romances, but the other person must live on the opposite side of at least one door, or I start going mad.
I’m only 25 and I’m already tired of this question. I’ve broken it off with more than one boyfriend who insisted on trying to change my mind about marriage even after I explain why it wouldn’t be a good idea. I can’t imagine how much I’m going to hate explaining it 20 years from now.
Well, my standard answer when I can get away with it is “why should I have?” but that doesn’t apply to the OP.
You already got your answer in post #2. It sounds like a topic, but some topics became so by being oft-repeated truths!
I get the “why don’t you have a boyfriend” question a lot (usually asked with an incredulousness which I choose to see as a compliment), but no one has asked me why I’ve never married. I also haven’t gotten the “why don’t you have any kids yet?” question either. It’s not like I’m not due for those intrusive inquiries. I’m 29.
To answer the OP, my answer would all depend on why the question is being asked. If thoughts on my general philosophy towards marriage was being solicited moreso than the details behind my relationship failures, then my answer would reflect that. “I haven’t married anyone because that’s not something that I’ve really been working towards” seems to be a good way of phrasing it without getting too specific or personal.
I just tell people that I never wanted kids and that there is no reason to be married unless you want kids.
Before I met my fiancee, I got the “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” question with an incredulous and/or suspicious tone too. I figured that it meant that I seemed to be a good catch, so there must be something wrong if I was single.
I’d been in a long-term relationship, then when I got dumped, I spent some much needed time enjoying some solitude and getting reacquainted with myself. After all, it just woulnd’t do for me to get to know someone else if I didn’t know myself all that well, would it?
But I’ll be damned if being single wasn’t taken as a strike against me. Rather than being “an elligible bachelor” I was “suspiciously single”.
Now I’m getting the “Why are you two married yet?” question. ::sigh:: The piece of paper doesn’t mean much to us. We are planning on a very very very very long engagement. (Yup, don’t expect us to be walking down the aisle within the next two years or anything).
My answer (if you’d asked a couple years ago): “Well, I had a few serious relationships that had a lot of potential, but they didn’t work out. It’s always better to wait for Ms. Right than Ms. Close-Enough.”
Fair enough. My answers:
Bad day: No one has ever loved me and I am fundamentally unlovable.
OK day: I don’t trust anyone to be faithful to me forever; I’m just not that compelling.
Good day: I enjoy being alone and independent.
Both Peg Bracken and Miss Manners agree the way to answer this question is “I cannot believe you would ask such a personal question.” Bracken adds “Or you can respond ‘None of your damn business’ if that fits in with your own personal character.”
Well, if someone is asking casually and purely out of nosiness or even as a punishing sort of question, have at it with the sarcastic replies. I liked them
But if you are on a date with someone, and it is in the midst of some sharing moment, and asked out of an interest in who you are, then no matter how you answer, you’re telling them something important. It’s one of those questions that doesn’t always expect a full and truthful answer–it’s more a gaging of attitude than fact.
So, if you answer, 'why?" then your tone may tell them you are warning them off from personal information, or you just really don’t get it. (Which, if they also don’t get it, could be a welcome answer–we’re not into ‘right or wrong’ territory, except for what any given person may be hoping to hear.)
If you answer that you never met the right person, then either they’ll hope they are the right person, or maybe that you always blame the other person, or a thousand other things depending on your tone of voice and their personal listening filter.
The point is, one asks the question to hear the answer, and not necessarily expecting to get the whole truth and just the truth. It could even be a proxy for 'how personal are you willing to get with me?"
Or…it could just be nosy, in which case, say whatever you want.