Kalhoun, tiger lily – it sounds like all three of us are in basic agreement about the fact that the information is relevant – and that those of us who are still dating ( 
) are okay with the whens and hows of when the questions arise … so … “Kumbaya…” 
“Someone’s dating, Lord, kumbaya…” Or maybe “halleluiah” is more appropriate?
Really? Damn. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
I suck at dating!
Yeah, that’s her! I need her phone number, thanks so much!
The OP described my life to a T. My usual answers:
The women I wanted to marry didn’t want to marry me, and the women who wanted to marry me, I didn’t want to marry.
I know lots of guys who regret marrying so early, but I never met one who regretted marrying too late.
I’m bad at the kind of compromises that make a marriage work.
I also like the David Spade answer: If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go do whatever I feel like for the rest of my life.
Hmm. I guess you could do a spin on the old Groucho line and say, “I wouldn’t want to marry the sort of woman who would have me as a husband?”
Nothing wrong with that. “I am content being single, so I just haven’t felt the need to get married yet”. What’s wrong with that? If you’re not looking for a commitment, you might as well admit so you can find a woman who is okay with that. It would be unfair to string someone along who truly wants to get married.
Rather than trying to spin your singlehood in a way that would be acceptable to a marriage-minded woman, I think it’s better to just lay it out on the table at the beginning and try to find women who are okay with the idea that you want to keep your freedom.
I’m sure there are women out there who want a low-key, non-committed arrangement just as much as you do. I’d guess there are probably a lot of women your age who are probably wary of commitment because they’ve been through a divorce or two already, and would welcome finding a man who doesn’t want kids since they can’t have anymore anyway (I’ve noticed a lot of guys your age start getting antsy about having kids and start going after young women in an attempt to play “Beat the Biological Clock”).
Haha, I like that response too. He sounds like a fun guy to me. 
“But I am married! And by the way, I’ve got to be back home by 11.”
Good one! This over-40 woman/anomaly would like to borrow that.
Actually, it isn’t people I know who bug me about not being married. It’s my mom’s senior pals who can’t mind their own business (“She’s not married yet? What’s WRRRROOOOOONNNNG?!”)
I don’t remember who on the Dope wrote this but it was pithy enough for me to stick in the tagline file:
“Well, I’m overweight, short, intellectually intimidating, sarcastic, demanding, insecure and generally unpleasant to be around at times. Only a small percentage of the dateable population is willing to overlook all that for my boobs.”
(This works for me, but you can adjust body parts where applicable)
But probably, answers that play up your appreciation of solitude rather than an aversion to coupledom will placate more dames you come across. I wish that Indian style matrimonial ads would become fashionable in the west. Then the people who want to advertise for the vacant position of Spouse could do so, and people seeking companionship/sex/ movie partners wouldn’t have to get grilled about the state ofthe romantic resume.
For the last 30 yrs my answer has always been;
“Because I do not EVER want any part of my life to be decided inside a divorce court.”
I’d much rather take my chances out here in the wild and free world.
Having been with my partner over 20 yrs now, the questions have, of course, changed. Now when I am asked I tend to respond, “What defines a marriage?”
If it’s a piece of paper then guess we don’t qualify.
But, I think it’s clear to everyone I know, that we are more married than many people we’ve known with the paperwork. Most people who have reached a little maturity understand what I’m saying, or so it would seem. And besides, the paperwork didn’t really seem to help keep any of my divorced friends together only added delay and expense to the split.
Weird. I was just trying to figure out how I would answer, “Why did you marry?”
If asked this by a date, I’d respond with the truth:
“As far as romance is concerned, I’ve yet to manage so much as a kiss.” That would probably kill things stone dead right there, but hopefully she’ll be a little more circumspect next time.
As someone who is 43 and planning to re-enter the dating world, I expect I’ll come up against that question. How will I answer? I’m not certain.
“The women I was interested in generally haven’t been interested in me”?
“The one time I got close, I chickened out”?
“I never believed I was worthy of marriage”?
“I preferred to be a hermit for ten years”?
“I spent the last eighteen years rebuilding my life after a series of family tragedies”?
“I had no social skills or self-esteem”?
“It’s hard to find another Neo-Pagan at my age”?
“I cared enough about fatherhood back then to know that I wouldn’t make a good father, and I really didn’t want to be a bad father”?
I don’t think those will go over well.
Maybe I’ll just stick with “Haven’t met the right woman”.
I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my commitment.
“Damn! I forgot!” :smack:
While this comes across as really negative, I love it!
But aren’t you saying you really don’t want to get married? Wasn’t that the reason for your break-up? So if you say something about it not being right yet, it’s implying you’re open to it. So really, are you open to it?
I’m thinking about it. But it would have to be with the right person. The really really really right person.
Then, as several of us have said, go ahead and be upfront about it: “I’ve had several serious relationships, but marriage per se isn’t a priority for me.” If it’s a priority for her, it’s better for both of you to be clear what the other person wants.
I don’t like cake.
That’s a pretty nosey question to ask on the first date. Or the first few. If the guy has remained single because of “problems”–they’ll show up as the relationship proceeds. Like: Time in prison, time in rehab, etc. (Not that either is a definitive deal-breaker.)
As a single woman of some age, I’d just be glad to hear a man who didn’t go on & on about “that bitch my ex-wife.” Or “those bitches my ex-wives.” Even if my aim was just fun and/or companionship.