Because this really has nothing to do with Elza B’s situation, but rather with this discussion.
There’s a bit of an argument over whose rules are paramount. Largely, I’d say it is the Parents. But you cannot simply declare that their rules must be followed to the letter under someone elses roof. This is disrespectful of the owners of that roof.
My parents had a rule regarding other people’s kids when I was growing up:
If you won’t discipline your kids in our house, We Will.
For my own part, I had some former close friends who refused to discipline their children or their animals in any way, shape or form. Then they’d drag their kids over to other people’s houses, even when they were specifically NOT invited, and let them run wild. Attempts to get them to control their children met with “Pffft!” sounds and rolled eyes. Using the word “discipline” led to shouting matches in which they would accuse me of telling them to beat their children. When I would attempt to explain that; Discipline means creating form, structure and rules, and then enforcing those rules; they would shout me down, screaming over the top of me that they were not going to beat their children! (Whereas I just figured they were too stupid to see any alternative between No Control and Beatings.)
Obviously, this caused a great deal of bad blood between them and all of their friends, because they were being disrespectful of their friends and their friends property by inflicting undisciplined little monsters on their houses and refusing to exercise or tolerate any control over those children.
And the screaming and false accusations on their end are the #1 reason why they are now former friends.
Nowadays, I babysit my 7 year old niece and 11 year old nephew on occasion. Fortunately, I’ve never had any problems with them at all. They’re well behaved, because their parents are great and they were nannied by my mother. But when they come to MY HOUSE, then the rules laid down by my sister must be tempered by the rules of my house. I have every right to have stricter rules in my house about what they are allowed to do or not do, and my sister has jack shit to say about it, excepting that I care about her and would take her feelings into consideration if she brought me any (theoretical) concerns. Also being their caretaker in that moment, I feel comfortable in relaxing some rules (under my roof) that their parents are more strict about, as long as no harm is done in the process.