Like many of my posts, this is in reference to the novel I’m working on. The story is set in the late 1980s. One of the supporting characters is Beatrice, a woman in her mid-forties. Beatrice has two children: Rosemary, age 19, and Andy, 14.
Four years before the primary action of the story, Beatrice’s husband, a Marine reservist, is lost in a plane crash and presume dead. Four years later, my narrator comments that
*she had had "any numbers of boyfriends, though she didn’t want her children to call them that. They always began as visitors; once she let them spend the night, they were uncles. But whatever they were called, none of her suitors ever lasted more than a month. The surgeon hadn’t wanted kids around; the dentist kept peeking at Rosemary in the bathroom; the engineer kept peeking at *Andy ** in the shower; and so forth."
Does this make Beatrice seem slutty or irresponsible–given that the clear implication is that she has slept with multiple men within a month of begining to date with them, and in many of that cases been intimate with them in the house where her a children live? It’s not exactly my intent to paint her as slutty (not a term I really care for anyway), but I can see her being judged poorly as a result.
It’s hard to say. If I were to read only this paragraph, I would assume she was a woman with loose morals, to say the least.
However, how she acquitted herself in other areas of her life, might soften my judgement a bit. Were her kids well fed and loved by their mother. Did she protect them? Did she keep a roof over their heads? Did she instantaneously dump the pervs in her life? Did she work or try to work? How did she treat her friends (if she she had any).
Like I said, it’s hard to make any kind of snap judgement, because we haven’t seen the rest of the character.
On the other hand, even if she did well in other areas of her life, many people would be inclined to find her behaviour slutty.
Good point; though part of my intent is that Beatrice is aggressively dating in that she’s looking for a new husband. Also, she is supposed to be extremely attractive. Rosemary takes on a lot of responsibility out of necessity.
To answer your questions, Beatrice burns through the family’s savings in the first few months after her husband’s death because she takes to her bed and refuses to go to work; Rosemary tries to step up and manage the house. But she can’t handle the financial load (being only 14), and has to bully her into going back to work. Afterwards Rosemary pretty much becomes more Andy’s primary caregiver, and when Beatrice is devastated at the end of a relationship, it is always and only Rosemary to whom she turns for comfort.
I’m also implying that Beatrice drives away most of her friends during this period in her life. The family is a church-going one, and most of their friends are church friends; Beatrice refuses to go to church after her husband’s death, and is reluctant to even ask for financial help when the family most needs it.
Well, yeah–I realized this morning as I was going through my manuscript exactly how slutty it sounds. I’m trying to paint her as needy more than slutty, though. Beatrice thinks that she can’t be alone.
This strikes me as a little odd. At that age, a girl has a certain relationship with her mother, and its generally not one of compassionate concern for her wellbeing. I can’t imagine a girl stepping in to fill her mother’s shoes in the way that a son might do for his father. I can see her taking on responsibility for her younger brother, but I imagine there would be a great deal of resentment towards the mother for forcing her into the role of caretaker and stealing away her childhood.
As for whether I would consider the mother ‘slutty’, I’d say perhaps a bit. It does seem irresponsible, at least. I grew up in a military family in the late 1980’s, so I think I’ve got a bit of a perspective on this. We were Army Brats, but Marine family culture wasn’t too different. At that time there was a big emphasis on family and respectability. You don’t say whether they lived on base or not; if they were in base housing you can bet that the other wives would be gossiping about her and she’d pretty soon have a reputation as a loose woman. The kids would be teased, and would probably spend as much time away from home as they could.
Upon preview I see that you actually said he was a reservist, so they wouldn’t have lived on base. But still, at that time, being a single mother was still a little more taboo than it is now. Having that many men in and out of her life would carry a more negative connotation than it does now. And if, as you say, she’s actively looking for a new husband, I don’t think she’d be so quick to give up on a guy, even if he had some problems. So even if the guy’s a jerk, she’s gonna weigh the cons of not having a husband/father for her kids and might make excuses and tolerate the jerk a bit longer than she otherwise might. So I can’t see her going through more than one or two guys in that time.
There’s more than a little resentment. I’ve always viewed Beatrice’s actions as having stolen Rosemary’s childhood, and though Rosemary doesn’t use that exact phrase she essentially tells her mother she’s done that.
Hmm…you bring up something I hadn’t thought of. As I said, my concern was that I had inadvertently painted Beatrice as a slut. But if, as you say, she is willing to put up with a lot of crap from her boyfriends, then that’s a whole 'nother ball of worms. That is, if she doesn’t instantly dump a guy who’s peeked at her daughter or son in the shower (because she’s got time invested in him and doesn’t want to waste it until she’s more sure), isn’t that worse than being, ah, sexually giving?
It all depends on your perspective. I can more readily see her wanting everyone else to think that things are fine and trying to keep up that appearance. There’s a lot that’s gonna go through her mind when she discovers this. Did she see it herself? Did the daughter tell her? Does she believe the daughter? Would she believe the guy more? Even if she did see it herself, there’s going to be a level of guilt involved. Is the guy otherwise nice? Is he a good provider? She’s going to wind up blaming herself, which will make her question her own judgement and ability to make decisions for herself and her kids, and will lower her confidence, and will make her more vulnerable to any excuses offered by the guy.
For a woman who has lost her husband and must now provide a life for her kids, it’s not going to be a simple matter of dumping a guy because he’s a jerk. I mean, it would be nice if she had the courage and wherewithal to do so, but I don’t really see that happening since she’s also dealing with the loss of a husband and raising kids.
Well, she might if she were neglecting the house and the teenagers, taking little interest in the care of either. Based on this paragraph alone, I get the impression of someone flighty who jumps into situations and then finds excuses to jump out of them. She doesn’t necessarily attract pedophiles (though she probably does attract creeps in general from being very indiscriminating at closing time) but she uses that as an excuse to get rid of a temporary boyfriend who after the initial attraction, becomes a nuisance. Any interaction of the boyfriend with one of her kids is overblown enough to justify getting rid of him. Thus the teenagers’ only purpose, as far as she’s concerned, is as an excuse to continue to aimless search for companionship and fulfillment.
Or so it seems to me, if one wants a flawed (rather than just victimized) protagonist.
Well, Beatrice isn’t the protagonist; that’s Andy. But the conflict between his mother and sister–and his being caught in the middle–is a major factor in his story. Beatrice doesn’t so much “take little interest in the care” of Andy and Rosemary as she allows–or obliges–Rosemary to take more and more responsibility over time.
I hadn’t thought about her looking for excuses to dump boyfriends. It’s an interesting idea, but I’m not sure it’s consonant wth her actively looking for a replacement husband.
All that in mind, does this behavior make her more or less sympathetic/understandable/likeable to you? When I first conceived of the story I liked Beatrice quite a bit, or at least felt sorry for her; but as I proceeded she seemed more and more … unpleasant. Now, looking it over, I’m concerned that she may be utterly unlikeable, instead of just largely so.
I would not think well of Beatrice based on your descriptions of her. She doesn’t sound sympathetic at all. She sounds like someone who consistently puts her own desires ahead of her children’s needs.
Which is pretty much what she is. I might also add that Andy (who’s one of the story’s two protagonists) has an undiagnosed learning disorder (implicitly dyslexia, though I never use the word), and rather than seek help for him, she rather infantalizes him, tell ing him that there are certain things he simply cannot understand; she doesn’t say the word stupid, but that’s the message he takes away from it.
I guess what I’m worried about is whether I’m coming off as misogynistic. The story’s other protagonist–Andy’s best friend, Hannah–has a mother who physically abuses her; I can easily see someone reading the story thinking, “Jeez, Skald, do you like ANY women? What did your mama DO to you, boy?”
Well, it doesn’t sound like the creep boyfriends are getting a pass either. Unless you’re painting them in a glorified light, I wouldn’t worry about coming off as a misogynist, based on what little I know about the story thus far.
I agree. After all, this isn’t a scene out of “Sex in the City,” most people are more conservative, and of course, there is always a Beatrice around making exceptions to the general rule of social acceptance. Hmmmm… I wonder what we might say if Beatrice was a Bert… hmmm…
It wouldn’t make a difference to me. In either case, I would consider the parent to be someone selfish & irresponsible, putting his or her own desires before the children. But not necessarily “slutty.”
I wouldn’t call her a slut… I would say that she’s not quite descriminating enough about boyfriends, and a terrible mother, but not a slut. I don’t feel sorry for her at all, nor do I hate her. In fact I just think she needs a slap in the face and to be told to get back to (somewhat) normal.
IMHO, Beatrice’s behavior is selfish and irresponsible.
Selfish because her need/desire to have her lovers introduced into her home life is counter to the needs of her kids. She brings home at least one man (the surgeon) who doesn’t like kids, thus putting her own happiness above that of her kids. Also, the loss of a parent at such a young age is usually very traumatic. The kids are probably more in need of Beatrice’s attentions than Beatrice is in need of a good lay.
Irresponsible because Beatrice apparently brings people home and gives them the run of the house before she knows much about their character. If she managed to pick at least two perverts and a kid-hater within the space of a few years, then she’s shown that she’s not even trying to exercise good judgment (or that she doesn’t have any).
Readers perceiving Beatrice as “slutty” is a much less pressing concern, IMHO.
I didn’t get a chance to get back to this yesterday, but I see many others have already addressed some of what I was feeling.
Beatrice sounds selfish and not at all sympathetic. This is just my personal take. I understand that you’re trying to make her sound “needy”, maybe even a little lost and overwhelmed with life in general.
However, speaking as a mother, my kids always come first, regardless of my wants or needs.
Additionally, I came from a single parent home. My parents divorced when I was quite young. My mother’s first concerns ALWAYS were myself and my sister. Yes, she dated. She did not bring these men home until she’d been with them for quite awhile. If she felt the least bit skeevy about any of these men, she quit seeing them. To be honest, it’s not like she dated a lot. There were maybe a total of four men that she developed any relationship with from the time I was in 3rd grade, until I moved out.
I knew many other single mothers, but I can honestly say the kids were the driving force in their lives, not their own selfish needs.
I realize there are women out there like Beatrice. I can honestly say I wouldn’t hate them, but I certainly wouldn’t like them. I don’t have any sort of patience for people like that.
Again, all of this is just my personal take, largely based on my own life experiences.
Actually it’s not so much that I’m trying to make her seem needy or sympathetic; as I’ve said above, I found in the process of writing the story that, though I like the direction I’ve taken her character (that is, I find it narratively satisfying), I don’t much like her as a human being, and don’t anticipate the reader much liking her; the reader’s sympathies are meant to be with Andy and Rosemary. I was more concerned that I might come off as anti-woman, given that the other mother in the story makes Beatrice look like an angel.
“…any number of boyfriends” suggests a number larger that she can or cares to keep track of.
The use of the term “boyfriends” suggests a degree of immaturity. Possibly “lovers” or simply “men” would be better, IMHO.
If you want to reduce the slut factor, make it more explicit that she is not only looking for her own relationship, but a man who would be suitable as a parent, rather than merely dumping the occasional pedophile date who wants at her kids.
Speaking of which, these dates who were repeatedly peeking into the bath to see her kids – these events should not be dismissed as merely another reason to give up on a relationship. I would think those particular breakups might be accasioned by anger and some ugly scenes.
Oops, her daughter is 19, which means she might be seen as a “legitimate target” by the men brought home by mom. Still that might lead to a differnt kind of ugliness.
All in all,your OP suggests there was a rather blurry procession of men who she didn’t focus on very closely. Remember The Gong Show? Kind of like she could just call out, “NEXT!”, and bang the gong when the current guy did something offensive.
OTOH, if your inrent is light comedy, not drama as I presumed, forget everything I’ve said. I think it would need to be read in a larger contect to see if it would work as comedy.
